Since joining this website a few days ago, I've been almost obsessed with reading the forums. I've told my wife repeatedly how wonderful the near real time affirmation seems (as opposed to distant case studies in books, stories shared at workshops, and interviews in documentaries). Today she said that she wants to join the website -- says that she has issues, too, since she has been married to a survivor for 27 years. I just nodded and acknowledged her feelings, but I'm actually FREAKING OUT on the inside! If she joins (and she already knows my sceen name), I fear that she will read every post that I make, and I will be right back in the hiding. So far, in the few posts I've written, I've been open and honest. I feel that if she's reading, I'll have to edit myself . . . not because I wish to lie to her, but because I've found there is a different level of sharing among survivors. There is no explaining required; there's sort of a learned shorthand among us, and I simply don't want to have to explain everything I write. Already, I'm required by healthy recovery guidelines to avoid saying things in a way that might trigger myself or other survivors. Now I'm feeling that I would have to add another layer of editing. Recovery writing is exhausting enough, but to have to add another set of rules?! Is it wrong to say (lovingly) to my wife, "Find your own website."?
Vocatus, atque non vocatus, Deus aderit. (Bidden, or not bidden, God is present. -- carved over Carl Jung's front door)