"I feel like a freak, especially because I'm a homosexual. I don't know how to change this, and like everyone else I have desires and I know I can never act upon them."

Your being too harsh on yourself and I am saying this in a caring way. You aren't a freak because your orientation. Relax and go easy on yourself. I too have trouble with figuring out who and what I'm supposed to be. You don't have to try to change what might be the course nature wants to take. As difficult as this is to admit, I have done somethings that would be considered homosexual too. My main attraction is women but I still get the occasional attraction to another male for some unknown reason that I have yet to figure out. Life is too difficult to try to place a quick label on yourself. As I have disussed with my therapist, most everyone is in the middle of the continuam of extreme left and right. You are normal, I'm normal. What I would say is not normal would be having urges like Pedophiles and rapists have. After I heard this from my therapist, it was a sigh of relief because I felt that I could drop and disgard labels I was trying to put on myself. Labeling myself only enforced my feelings of being worthless and hindered my heeling process. Hang in there, you have many people here that know how you feel and suport you. Remember one thing for me, you are worthy and normal. You will get through this, it will take time.

Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.

Don't worry Dusty, we're here for you.

dusty42, Please don't fear me, aren't we on these pages around you too? There was a president of the USA way back in the 30' & 40' and he said (to the country) THE ONLY THING THAT WE HAVE TO FEAR IS FEAR IT'S SELF. Hang in there my friend. Heal well.
Pete (Irishmoose)

Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.

Dusty, if you were like me, we had this stuff buried pretty deep. Something had triggered my memories to surace 50+ years after the fact. If something hadn't triggered it, I probably would have carried it to the grave. But in a way I'm glad that it did surface, as the lost boy and I can have some sort of a life together, but in a way I'm sad that we have to go through hell all over again, with all it's depression, hate, anger & shame and an emotional rollercoaster ride to boot. But I love that lost boy. Heal well my friend.
Pete (Irishmoose)

Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.