Yesterday, I heard a Professional Organizer describe her job like this: "I work on the area which is two feet in front of me, and when I finish that space, I move to the next two feet." That's how I'm handling my recovery. I am trying to do whatever is in my face. At times it has been short-sighted, but, mostly, it has saved my life. Each little corner I clean reveals another pile, or box, or bag full of stuff through which to be sorted.

I discovered this website as I nodded, grimaced, screamed, and cried my way through the recent article about male survivors in my wife's "O" magazine. In my opinion, the article (written mainly to give our wives and partners a dose of validation) was not particularly hopeful, but I thought that it underscored the truth, which is, in part, that recovery is slow, it is sometimes painful, it is wrought with surprises, it cannot be accomplished in isolation, and it can be remarkably wonderful at times.

I'm 49, I've been in and out of therapy for thirty years, I practiced as a marriage and family therapist for fifteen years (have been in another profession -- thank god -- for twelve years now), I have been active in a couple of twelve step groups and a few therapy groups, as well, and my wife and I have participated in couple's therapy at five different junctures (we just celebrated our 27th anniversary). My memories of childhood sexual abuse surfaced only fifteen years ago, and, although I have seen multiple competent therapists, only recently have I contracted with a therapist who really seems to understand sexual abuse survival issues, and is willing to work simultaneously with both my individual issues, and our marital dynamics which have evolved out of the abuse scenario.

So today I have joined malesurvivor.org, and I have no idea how to utilize this sight. I do not, of course, mean the technical elements. My question is, how will this help me? I'm guessing that there are reciprocal benefits -- as I get I will probably give back, and vice versa. But I'm unsure about how to dive in.

It occurs to me, maybe I've just done it.

You have congratulations and welcome. I am somewhat new to the site myself and have found it incredibly helpful. When i read posts and others stories there are so many things that are in common with my own life and different situations that I find myself in. It gives me strength and confidence to know there are others that have been through similar events and share similar aftermaths. Reading you post, I notice that you and I have much in common. (40's, in & out of therapy for 30 years, repressed memories for years etc.) I guess that's how it works. Glad you found us. Pete

how glorious! another new survivor friend!

yes legendre, you have taken the first step. there is no 'how to' book for proceeding. just follow your own instincts.

read, write, and chat. that's all you need to know.

the rest will take care of itself!

welcome from your friend in recovery and please let me know if i may be of service to you in any way,

ron

Welcome legendre. You can post any questions you have in the "questions about the forum" (i think that's what it's called) forum and they will be answered quite quickly. I hope you find this place as helpfull and healing as I have.

Legendre,

welcome! Please consider this a safe place, where you are surrounded by friends. No one will judge you here.

A