Newest Members
Barracuda312, Just Hanging, mossTI, E35, 1975
12339 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
deaddreamer (41), hkkim (55), tony watashi (44)
Who's Online
2 registered (pattom, 1 invisible), 20 Guests and 7 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12339 Members
74 Forums
63433 Topics
443434 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 15 < 1 2 3 4 ... 14 15 >
Topic Options
#256811 - 10/21/08 09:33 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: loberhead]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
Dear Chris & other members of MS,

Although I have been a member of MS for a while, I was not a direct participant of any of the incidences that occurred as a result of Chris's actions.

This thread should and must be approached very cautiously. I would like to encourage each of you that have strong emotions regarding this issue to choose your words wisely before you hit that send button. While your message should be heard, it should also be a message that you are truly prepared to deliver. In my profession, I always encourage people to let an email sit for 24 hours before they hit send if it is in regards to something so emotional. I would encourage the same of you.

On a different note, and on the other side of the coin. As members of MS, we all have something in common. I don't need to say it, you know what it is. We have all learned to cope with this in different ways. Some through anger, some through hiding, and some through saying yes when we mean to say no. We're not always the most functional group of guys.

Many of you that have been directly hurt by Chris may be inclined to soften your hearts and let bygones be bygones, simply stating that you forgive him. Yes... forgive him... please forgive him. However, I also feel that Chris needs to know how many people he has directly hurt. You may be kind in your response to Chris, but if he has hurt you I think he needs to hear from you "YOU HURT ME."

You might even just place in the header, but he needs to hear and see how many people he has hurt.

I think back on the persons that hurt me. I am not out for vengeance, and I consider myself a forgiving person. However if I were to face them today, the one thing I would say to each of them is YOU HURT ME.

I'm not saying Chris is the equivalent to a perp. Don't get me wrong. But what I am saying is that he needs to be a part of the healing process, your healing process. And to do that, he really does need to know who he has hurt. Please don't sugarcoat your responses to him. If he hurt you... let him know. nicely .

Remember... forgiveness does not mean... forgetting. While I believe that Chris should be welcomed back, I believe that he should also participate in the healing process of those he has wounded.

For those of you he has wounded... for gods sake... let him heal that wound.

Sincerely ... me... the quiet guy in the corner.


Top
#256822 - 10/21/08 09:51 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: loberhead]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
Welcome back Chris!

It really takes a lot to come back and admit this to everyone and take responsibility for your actions. I know lots of people are worried about trust issues and about exceptions to the rule, so i know how much it must take to step up to the mark. I wasn't blown away by the news when i heard, i understand your position and how hard this is for you, but that is not to minimise other peoples hurt.

I can understand the position you were in and why you decided to take on the age of a 16 year old instead of the 19 year old that you are, in an effort to gain the support that you so desperately needed. People are now understandably hurt by your betrayal, and the help they gave to your false identity. But like you said you were talking about things that really were bothering you, so although the identity of rehpotsirhcs was false, this is not comparable to a case of somebody who comes here and pretends to be a survivor who is not, this is a completely different kind of situation, so i don't think that the idea of this reinstatement being an exception to the rule is true.

I hope that this works out, and that you can make some of the old friends that you had here, you know i'm still your friend always, and i'm glad to have you back here. Using your real identity you can now make real progress, and over time as other people accept you as who you really are you can see that you never needed to pretend to be somebody else, because you are great just as you. People make mistakes, and i understand that.

your friend,
Lewis

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


Top
#256829 - 10/21/08 09:55 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: king tut]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
As I said in my previous post, you hurt someone else here DEEPLY & I still feel his loss
I will be maintaining my respectful distance albeit more consciously

C

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


Top
#256832 - 10/21/08 09:57 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: loberhead]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
xopher,

for reasons locked inside you, you chose to act as you did. you realize how foolish and unnecessary that tactic was. you have come clean. you have asked for forgiveness and another chance.

70 x 7

it's yours.

may you be freed from the chains that bound you to lie and deceive. you deserve much more than that. i pray that freedom swiftly finds you.

have a life, good brother; one you were made for and richly deserve,

be well and go with god

---------------
(((((((( xopher )))))))))

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#256838 - 10/21/08 10:03 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: king tut]
arronb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Chris

I hope this is a return to normalcy here at MS ... and all people caught up in this mess are given the same opportunities as you are now being given.

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance, we all make mistakes and have things in our past that we wish we never did...

... some of my friends here have been hurt by this incident, lots of people suffered & are still suffering, directly and indirectly...

I hope no one suffers now because of the emotions your return evokes.

_________________________
Keep Smilin'
arronb

Top
#256842 - 10/21/08 10:09 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: loberhead]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Chris/Loberhead-
Well.
I certainly am not feeling particularly good right now, since i was one of the people who spent a fair amount of time chatting with, and worrying about, you. I just went back and reviewed some PMs i had sent mods concerning you... even while i was very worried about the situation you presented yourself to be in, my "spider-sense" was tingling a bit, too. I'm saddened and disappointed by what you did, and the worst part of it is thinking that i'm going to have a much harder time trusting that any younger poster/chatter asking for help, or a sympathetic ear, is who they say they are.
The last thing i'll say about your previous persona is this, a quote from a PM i'd sent regarding you:

...if chris isn't real? Hey, at least we all showed how much we care for others that are real.

And today? Sadly, i can't honestly say that i can trust you. I'd like to, and sincerely hope you're being honest now, but for right now, all i can think is, "What if he's just lying again?" Sorry you felt the need to do what you did, but i'm not sorry at all for trying to help the person you pretended to be. I'm glad you came forward, admitted what you did, and apologized- i forgive you for lying to me, but do not expect me to be able to trust you; i hope you make real use of MS this time, i wouldn't ever say you don't belong here- but please don't PM me, and know that if i see you in chat, i will immediately go to another room. Sorry it had to end up this way, but i need to do what i need to to feel safe here. Good luck, i hope you learned something about yourself that helps.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

Top
#256852 - 10/21/08 10:33 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: dgoods]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
I think it is worth remembering that rehpotsirhcs wasn't some completely fake character, this was really Chris looking for help, but probably feeling that as himself (with all the feelings as a survivor he may have had about himself) that he would not be able to get the help that he was looking for (i'm sure lots of people can relate to the idea of not feeling like you deserve help- or afraid that if you ask for help you will not get it- i think "rehpotsirhcs" in that way was a safety blanket for Chris, unfortunately at the detriment of others- that's how i see it anyway).

Also with the situation that he was in, looking after his father on his own, MS was his lifeline in a very real way, and for the same reasons that we come here, to look for help. Lying about his identity, of course that is a really bad thing to do, especially here where trust and betrayal are HUGE things, but i think Chris deserves a chance. Didn't you ever make any big mistakes when you were young? for all of the older people out there you have a lifetime worth of experiences to draw upon to help you with your decisions, so when your young and desperately in need of help, it is easy to make mistakes. That being said, of course everybody has the right to their own feelings on the matter.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


Top
#256858 - 10/21/08 11:09 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: king tut]
Niels Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 196
No way.

_________________________
I live in my own little world - but that is OK! - They know me here.

Top
#256865 - 10/21/08 11:35 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: king tut]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Originally Posted By: king tut
I think it is worth remembering that rehpotsirhcs wasn't some completely fake character, this was really Chris looking for help, but probably feeling that as himself (with all the feelings as a survivor he may have had about himself) that he would not be able to get the help that he was looking for (i'm sure lots of people can relate to the idea of not feeling like you deserve help- or afraid that if you ask for help you will not get it- i think "rehpotsirhcs" in that way was a safety blanket for Chris, unfortunately at the detriment of others- that's how i see it anyway).


I am sure all of the other frauds we have had here. presenting themselves as younger, could make the same argument for themselves.

95% of us are here because of fucked up childhood. And about the same percent manage to come here presenting ourself honestly. If someone really was abused and living in difficult circumstances, that excuses the rules they break to get help? Chris himself said it wasn't an excuse for his behavior. I suggest we be careful when making excuses for him, since he himself has shown that is not what he wants.

And yes, we all do have the right to our opinions and decisions on how we will respond to this 'reinstatement'.

Andrei


Top
#256868 - 10/21/08 11:52 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: ak]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: ak
Originally Posted By: king tut
I think it is worth remembering that rehpotsirhcs wasn't some completely fake character, this was really Chris looking for help, but probably feeling that as himself (with all the feelings as a survivor he may have had about himself) that he would not be able to get the help that he was looking for (i'm sure lots of people can relate to the idea of not feeling like you deserve help- or afraid that if you ask for help you will not get it- i think "rehpotsirhcs" in that way was a safety blanket for Chris, unfortunately at the detriment of others- that's how i see it anyway).


I am sure all of the other frauds we have had here. presenting themselves as younger, could make the same argument for themselves.

95% of us are here because of fucked up childhood. And about the same percent manage to come here presenting ourself honestly. If someone really was abused and living in difficult circumstances, that excuses the rules they break to get help? Chris himself said it wasn't an excuse for his behavior. I suggest we be careful when making excuses for him, since he himself has shown that is not what he wants.

And yes, we all do have the right to our opinions and decisions on how we will respond to this 'reinstatement'.

Andrei


No i wasnt saying it is an excuse, and like you said chris doesnt say it is an excuse either, i was just saying that this is, in part, how i personally see it, so no i'm not going to be "careful" about making excuses, because that's not what i'm doing, and like we seem to agree, we all have the right to our own feelings on this

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


Top
Page 2 of 15 < 1 2 3 4 ... 14 15 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.