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#259329 - 10/31/08 10:32 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: blueshift]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Oh well. I don't care anymore...whether the mods are all-knowing or not, whether they're right or not...I've lost what little trust I had here, regardless, so it doesn't matter...do whatever...and have fun....

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#259415 - 11/01/08 02:38 AM Re: reinstatement [Re: loberhead]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Firstly, I'm wonder about what you said Chris:

Quote:
I feel horrible about all the support I got for an identity that didnít exist. I want to say that in many ways I was using it to talk about things that really were bothering me,...


So... what was real, what was sorta real, just some of the facts missing, and what was completely false??? I'd like to know what was going on for you with some of my interactions with you. We chatted about sexual preference stuff, your sort-of girlfriend, and just stuff like music you like, being sick at home, etc... Issues with older men, which I think must be real even if the details aren't...

As a fellow survivor, I can only wish you well. And I can understand how you did this. However, I'm feeling really sad about how I'm viewing the site now. And how badly was I deceived? And do I want to be here anymore if everything is suspect, and I fear being played with?

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir díun mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis nť pour te connaÓtre, Pour te nommer
Libertť

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#259744 - 11/02/08 06:06 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: LandOfShadow]
loberhead Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 172
One of the most important things I learned from Larry and my T while I was off the site was how tangled up the real Chris was in the figure of rehpotsirhcs. At first I was ashamed and confused and not really able to talk, but they helped me to say what I felt and talk about things that worry me.

The main thing was my Dad was dying. I couldn't stop that and I felt helpless and scared, mainly because none of my relatives came to help. I was alone. My natural father had abandoned us years before that and when I was 14 my Mom left too. When I say "Dad" I mean my step-dad. His name really was Clark and he really was a cool Dad. But I was losing him and when I was rehpotsirhcs it wasn't like that. He had a healthy step-dad and his Mom was still around, even if he didn't like her much. My room became a kind of refuge from the rest of the world. Everything I said about Dad is true. I miss him a lot.

I guess my sexual preference is straight. Sometimes Iím still confused about it, though. I feel like I don't have anything normal to refer to, so a lot of times I don't know what to think.

When we were talking I was sick at home with pneumonia and then when my Dad died I skipped more classes. I do have issues with older men, because my abusers were men. I also have issues with women, especially if they are in a position of power over me. I guess it reminds me of my mother. She doesn't love me and I don't love her. She lives 1000 miles away and we hardly ever speak. The things I said about her are true too.

And, what music do I like? I donít think I lied about that. I like most kinds of music (except for rap and country!). What I listen to in music depends on my mood at the timeÖ.

I had a girlfriend when I was 14 but that was a disaster. It was all about sex and it really made me feel bad. When I was talking about my girlfriend on the site, that's a real girl and I kind of like her.

I wasn't in an active abuse situation. One of my abusers when I was 6 was a man named Sam, so that's where it came from. Larry and my T helped me see that I wanted to be assured that if anything happened to me in school I could ask for help and get it. I still feel like everyone will figure me out and just do whatever they want, but that's also something I learned when I was little.

In chat I talked a lot about little things and with that I was being honest.

I only say these things to answer Allen's question, not to make excuses. I know what I did was wrong.

-Chris


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#259802 - 11/02/08 10:39 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: loberhead]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Chris,

What the hell is a loberhead?

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#259807 - 11/02/08 11:20 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: michael banks]
Thomas J Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 83
Loc: Oklahoma
LOL i kinda was wonderin what that was 2. tj


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#259814 - 11/02/08 11:46 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: Thomas J]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1962
From the second post on this thread:

"The ModTeam is allowing me to come back in steps and I have to prove myself at every step. They have asked me to make an entirely new start and open a different account, and for this one I decided on the name Loberhead. I donít know what it means, but my Dad used to call me that and it made me feel good about being me when he did that. I know thatís one of the many things I have to work on."


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#259860 - 11/03/08 09:01 AM Re: reinstatement [Re: ericc]
loberhead Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 172
Yeah, it's something my Dad used to call me. Not in a mean way, he was always joking around when he said it. I can't find any references to it, so I think he just made it up. It's like a playful nick name.

I would come home from school and he would say, "Hey, Lobes!" This always put a smile on my face.


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#259869 - 11/03/08 10:36 AM Re: reinstatement [Re: loberhead]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
.



Edited by ttoon (11/16/08 10:22 AM)
_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#259927 - 11/03/08 05:55 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: ttoon]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Chris,

I understand, I have such terms of endearment for my younger children too.
THanks for sharing that info.
Sorry for saying hell, hope you didn't take offense.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#260054 - 11/04/08 01:33 PM Re: reinstatement [Re: michael banks]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
I'm dun beating u up now lober. Unless, of course u give me something new to beat u up 4, but I don't have the feeling u will.
Your being back means u are serious about working on yourself.

It's sad that you couldn't b yourself during that rough time with your father passing away. I think may b the way you hurt yourself by that has got buried in how you hurt others, but It's something 2 look at.

Though I look at each situation uniquely my policy about lying is generally this: I only lie to someone I know is completely nuts. If someone is too irrational to understand or be trusted with the truth, then tell them whatever produces a positive or at least less negative result. But unless I have good reason 2 believe otherwise I trust people 2 b rational and tell them the truth.

Not doing so defeats the purpose of communication as I'm sure you now know all 2 well.



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My Art

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