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#25670 - 04/11/02 12:40 PM I just Saw my Abuser..after 15 years
Redsongbird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/01
Posts: 209
I can't believe it. I thought they were all gone. But yesterday I was driving my wife and I home from the craft store. I decided to cut through the mall parking lot. Well conected to the parking lot is a apartment complex that is for those 50 plus. Well I noticed this guy walking across and I drive on by... then on impulse I immediatly turn the car around and stop. My wife is wondering what is going on. And I said "Thats Larry - the guy who started everything"...the things he did to me were terrible. Without even thinking I said I was going to run him over! I was not moving the car but my wife took ahold of the sterring wheel anyway. I calmed down and we drove home. Then it came back to me that I had been told that he lived there but I had forgotten. Now I have been having so many emotions run through me. Yesterday I just curled up on the floor after getting out of the shower and cried. Seeing him has brought on some flashbacks again. I want to just go and beat the living hell out of him. Or ram things up HIS ass! But I know I can't do that. This man was the guy who took me to a group on the next block who I later found out was a cult. The anger that has come up in me since seeing him has surprised me. I thought I had dealt with this.

Well I have to go. this is sometimes the only place where I feel I can say what I'm thinking. Yet right now words are not enough to express this pain I feel going through me.

Terry


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#25671 - 04/11/02 01:05 PM Re: I just Saw my Abuser..after 15 years
fenics Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/25/02
Posts: 25
Loc: Midlands UK
Red

I hope the flashbacks and everything have calmed down. I really sympathise with what you're going through. I think I see my abuser a few to several times a week, but I never do and am never likely to (we live over 100 miles apart). But even those brief moments get me extremely tense and shaky.

Hang on in there - this will pass just as the abuse passed. Learning to live with the knowledge of where he lives has got to be easier than learning to live with what he did to you.

fenics


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#25672 - 04/11/02 02:46 PM Re: I just Saw my Abuser..after 15 years
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Terry,
I can fully understand what you are experiencing. When I went to my mom's funeral in January, there was my father and brother consoling one another... they were my two abusers... and the site of it almost makes me puke to this day. Just writing about it makes me feel nauseated. That is the first time I had seen either of them in 10 years. I didn't talk to them that day and they didn't even acknowledge my existance that day. But I know just seeing them really brought up a lot within me and of course on top of my mom dying, it has made things rough.

Do you have a therapist that you can talk to about all of this just to sort of regain your balance?

The thing I had to keep reminding myself is that I am much stronger now and if they even tried anything, I would kick their ass from here to the outer planet and back. But even though it is sometimes hard for me to see, I think they were the ones who were scared of me and for once in my life, that is a welcome change of places.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
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#25673 - 04/11/02 07:08 PM Re: I just Saw my Abuser..after 15 years
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 987
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Terry,

I am so sorry you have to deal with your abusers presence in your town. I understand the anger and rage you must be feeling, but from reading your posts feel sure you will not slip into violence. I hope you have support that can help you deal with this new fold in the road.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#25674 - 04/11/02 08:59 PM Re: I just Saw my Abuser..after 15 years
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I am also in Michigan, hope you are doing ok.
I know this can be very hard, and by the sound of your reaction it is hard on you now.

My email is mkullik@core.com you can email me if you need to talk.

Michael Joseph

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#25675 - 04/11/02 09:20 PM Re: I just Saw my Abuser..after 15 years
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
S.S.D.D here. My perp lives on the same block where my abuse occurred...two blocks from my Mom, right behind a food pantry in a neighborhood full of kids. If I ever see him, I don't know what I would do. You are courageous Redsongbird.

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#25676 - 04/11/02 11:40 PM Re: I just Saw my Abuser..after 15 years
Anonymous
Unregistered


...the evil that men do. Or women. It comes back to haunt them. There's a ying & yang to it all. He who says today "I have done this thing and gotten away with it" tomorrow will cry to God asking for mercy. None will be forthcoming. What comes around,goes around. For those who derive pleasure from dominating and hurting the defenseless,weak,vulnerable...it comes back like a boomerang. A scythe from the depths of Hell seeking retribution..


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#25677 - 04/12/02 08:02 AM Re: I just Saw my Abuser..after 15 years
Redsongbird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/01
Posts: 209
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement. I really needed them. Luckily for me I had my session last nite also. The T seems to think that I should press charges against this guy. About eight years ago I did report him to the authorities and at that time they asked me if I wanted to press charges. I did not do it because my step-father (who was an abuser) and my mother got extremely upset about it. SO I didn't I just reported him and they (police) said they would keep an eye on him. Well now I have been told this place where "Larry" lives also has children in it. I feel a responsibility to do something. I am angry that he has just gotten away with all this. And here I am dealing with it AGAIN. I just don't know I mean there is not proof that he did this. I mean I know of a girl who lived across the street from me at that time and she was also abused..maybe she would also confirm my story but I have no idea where she even lives. Has anyone ever went to press charges? What happened? I mean this was now 35 years ago. (I turn 41 tomorow!) What could be done about it? The T says I need to start taking action. That I need to get out of this Victim Mode and be a man and take charge.

Thanks friends for your words I sincerely mean this.

Terry


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#25678 - 04/13/02 08:00 PM Re: I just Saw my Abuser..after 15 years
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Terry, you will most likely have to do someting. This is something that will not just pass...will drive you nuts!..You got 3 things that you can do because if he wasn't a care provider...you can't get him busted....too many years!

1...Comfront him and keep comfronting him until he makes a move!...things will work out...one way or the other!
2..Blow town yourself...go live some where else...not b-more!
3.Fuck him up....can't do it now yourself because you have told everyone in the world about him...if you see anyone else ...don't be a ....."NOW"...you have to go with a pro.

Eddie


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#25679 - 04/17/02 07:15 PM Re: I just Saw my Abuser..after 15 years
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
The same thing happened to me as well, and it was one of the major triggers in getting some help after 31 years of silence.
I was driving my Land Rover down a quiet, English market town main street when I saw the person who groomed me into 4 years of abuse at a crummy boarding school.
How I didn't drive up the sidewalk and mow the bastard down is one of life's mysteries. But I didn't get much further, I pulled into a gateway and broke down for a long time.
That was 3 years ago and my job still takes me into that town occasionally, and I wonder what my reaction would be now if I saw him. I'm having the therapy, I know most of what's going on in my head now, but am I any more rational or restrained. I'm not looking forward to finding out.

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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