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#256190 - 10/18/08 09:04 PM Oopse!
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
If any I am about to mention read this, please don't take it as blame or feel responsible..you didn't know what the affects would be any more than I did. It's a learning experience that I would have had to learn at some time or another anyway. Actually I had learned this lesson before but somehow I thought it would be different.

I went into chat last night and started listening to music links that were being shared there. The music was all very sad, but I didn't think much about it..I figured if it triggered a good cry it would be good 4 me.

It did. But it wasn't. There was a good reason why a long time ago I decided that I should only listen to sad music when I'm already sad. My sadness has a big red "on" switch that is easily pushed by sad music or by other triggers.

The "off" switch was never installed. I don't know why I keep having to learn that over and over. I guess you can almost bet money that when I post it's because I just learned something the hard way once again and am trying to both drive the lesson home in my own mind and warn others of the hole I just fell into so they don't make the mistake I did.

It's an easy mistake to make. I have to think of myself as on a "diet". Not a food diet but a media diet. No depressing movies like "Mystic River" and no sad music unless I'm already depressed--in which case it can be healing rather than depressing.

I hope I never make this mistake again. But again, for those who were in chat last night, please don't take this as a guilt trip or anything like that...I made the mistake, no one else is responsible. If I'm allergic to peanut butter it's my responsibility to avoid peanut butter cookies even if they are offered to me.

Of course this advice may not apply to everyone. But if you suffer from depression, and many survivors do, it's important to identify those things in your life that trigger the depression and avoid them. Don't listen to sad music...and, for heaven's sake NEVER watch that movie "Mystic River"! Sheesh! it took me weeks to get over watching "Mystic River"!
Never mind that it's a movie dealing with the subject of sexual abuse. It's NOT a movie for survivors!


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#256192 - 10/18/08 09:14 PM Re: Oopse! [Re: blueshift]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Doug,

I amazed how many times I have to fall into the same hole before I learn to walk around that hole. But at least now I know when I have fallen into one.

Mike

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To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
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"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

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#256197 - 10/18/08 09:54 PM Re: Oopse! [Re: michael banks]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
One little addendum: this is also the reason I am not often in the poetry forum. I have posted there myself occasionally and have appreciated the feedback I received and I would like it very much if I was able to read everything there and give feedback as well, but I rarely read many poems there without ending up in tears and unless I am doing extremely well emotionally I just can't afford the emotional price.

This applies as well, unfortunately, to the stories forum. I feel bad that I can only rarely read and respond and give support to those who take that courageous step of posting there, but I'm still only beginning to recover from the rape I went through a few years ago and a lot of the time it's just too triggering and upsetting.

I often feel like I am coming to MS and taking more than giving because of this, but I hope to someday repay this debt when I have reached a stage in my recovery that allows me to do so.



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#256200 - 10/18/08 10:04 PM Re: Oopse! [Re: blueshift]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Originally Posted By: blueshift
I figured if it triggered a good cry it would be good 4 me. It did. But it wasn't.

I can relate, Doug. I remember a few times when I've done that too. Went for the emotional high only to crash in an emotional bottom.

You're definitely not taking away more than you're giving. By being willing to be honest and tell us stuff like the above, You're helping others here recognize things in their own life that may need attention. That's a very positive gift you're giving.

Lots of love,

John

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#256204 - 10/18/08 10:29 PM Re: Oopse! [Re: WalkingSouth]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Thanx, John. I appreciate that. It's nice to have someone intervene when I'm getting my ass kicked by me.

How you mods manage to wade through so much pain and misery to give all the support you do is something I am in awe of.

I can only hope that someday I 2 will have that kind of strength.



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#256256 - 10/19/08 09:53 AM Re: Oopse! [Re: blueshift]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Doug,

Been there too many times. For me, it seemed like the only emotion I could feel was the pain and sadness and sometimes I just had to remember that I do feel. I'd put on sometime to trigger the pain and dwell in it. Spend an evening having a complete meltdown and then a couple days recovering from it. Sometimes I think it was a cry for help. Sometimes I think it was simply cathartic. But it was always self-abusive in a way. It seems that it is almost the same as when people cut themselves to feel.

It's great that you are understanding the situation Doug, that show growth and healing. And John is right, by posting and talking about it not only reinforces this message for yourself, but it also helps others too.

Peace and love...

Michael


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#256304 - 10/19/08 01:45 PM Re: Oopse! [Re: michael banks]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1962
Originally Posted By: michael banks
I amazed how many times I have to fall into the same hole before I learn to walk around that hole. But at least now I know when I have fallen into one.

What you say here at the end really got me, and is so important. To actually be able to recognize and identify when one has slipped is a real sign of growth. I spent many years unable to identify my emotions, or what was happening to me. It has gotten better.


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