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#256173 - 10/18/08 07:45 PM Population: 0 / trigger
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
I don't know much about the disaster, i wasn't alive when it happened, but i do know that i'm falling in love with the area, well, what's left of it. I'll try relaying what i recall about my brief research, but don't take any of it as exact fact.

They call it the Chernobyl Disaster. It involved the failure of 4 nuclear reactors that caused the deaths of an untold amount of people and the destruction of future generations of children. The world remained unaware of the incedent until it was 10 days after the original occurence. During those 10 days, the former Soviet Union did all that they could do in order to cover up the disaster. They bulldozed over entire cities and buried them under the ground. They hid the deaths of countless civilians and quarentined the area off. Still, today, you have to travel through multiple government check points to even get close to the heart of the accidents. Though, today they do this to protect citizens from the radiation damage instead of trying to cover too much up.

Near the heart of the incedent, there is a large city that they were unable to cover up. The natives refer to this city as Ghost Town, due to the tremendous lack of people (hence, population 0). if you want to read up more about the ghost town then visit the link at[url=http://www.kiddofspeed.com/chapter1.html][/url].

Anyways, i was just thinking about how much i wanted to live there. Well, that was about 6 of 7 hours ago when i started writing this... and... i don't know, i just have a couple of questions... did recovery really ever help anything... i was on the "road to recovery" one time, but that turned into exactly what i expected it to be, and i guess what i was told it would be too... so, i dunno, is recovery, really what they say it is, you know... is it more of the same, or does recovery actually help you?

What about friends, they aren't necissary are they?(never had any)

I think i'm having anxiety attacks or something that's similiar... but there not all the same... earlier today i started to get really hot, and started to sweat a lot. Then my mouth got really dry and i felt like i couldn't move... then i started breathing really rapidly and started to feel like i was going to throw up, then my a million little needles felt like they were poking into my skin... just to clear things up, sense i know i'm not talking clearly, those effects were all at once... and sometimes i get extremely sad, so sad that my left arm starts to hurt and my heart feels weird, and other times i just start to black out a little... and sometimes i just start to breathe heavily and just feel really, really scarred, i don't know what's wrong with me... anyways, has anyone felt like that and what do you do to not feel like that.

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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#256194 - 10/18/08 09:23 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Jeeze Li Yuki! The first part of your post makes it sound like you are living in Chernobyl! Please don't tell me you are because there's a reason it's a ghost-town city! Radiation takes thousands of years to dissipate and if you are experiencing strange physical symptoms, then there's your problem!

If you aren't living in Chernobyl,(I'm guessing you aren't) then I would guess that you are experiencing sever anxiety or panic attacks. I have those too sometimes and experience some of the things you described.


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#256209 - 10/18/08 11:12 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: blueshift]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
your right, i should of just kept it to myself, and deal with it by myself... it was wrong of me to come on here... im sorry

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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#256214 - 10/19/08 12:07 AM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
OK, now you are letting your abuser talk again, but I'm going to respond anyway because I'm not understanding what you mean by "your right". You mean I'm right that you are in Chernobyl and suffering radiation poisoning, or do you mean I'm right about something else?


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#256221 - 10/19/08 12:46 AM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: blueshift]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
no... if i was in Chernobyl right now, i would probably be hugging a beutiful, glowing tree right now, or looking at the bright stars that i miss seeing so much, slowly awaiting the radiation to do it's job. I don't understand what you are saying... i thought you were being sarcastic and wanted me to go away... what do you mean i have a voice, im not allowed to have a voice, having a voice is no good... i don't understand what you are talking about, and i don't know why it makes me so upset...

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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#256224 - 10/19/08 01:46 AM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
OK. I see I have confused you. Sorry about that. I was never sarcastic with you. What I meant before about your letting your abuser talk is that when you put yourself down and say you are sorry when you have no reason to be, it's like you abusing yourself just like your abuser abused you and that is something I don't want to support in any way.

I do care about you Li Yuki. You may not believe that, but I do because you have gone through the same kind of thing I have and I know how much it hurt you.

That's why I don't want to respond to you when you talk bad about yourself and say things like "I don't deserve to talk."
or "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry". Saying things like that hurts you and I don't want you hurting yourself like that.

I'm not saying you shouldn't come here and talk. You should. But I want you to talk in ways that help you rather than in ways that hurt you.

I'm sorry if I made you upset. It wasn't my intention. I still won't respond though to your putting yourself down or saying your sorry over and over because I just don't see any positive way to respond to that.



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#256281 - 10/19/08 11:27 AM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: blueshift]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
I'm sorry, expierence has taught me better... people don't want to help... staying away from everybody is always better than talking to anybody... and i am always to blame... I see what your saying, but the more i apply what your saying to myself, the more pain i feel, i think it's just easier to let them talk for me... you know, if the past makes me what i am today... then what they do to me, is all i am, im sorry, im sorry, im sorry, i don't want to upset you, and i didn't mean to... it's just... everyone i have ever known... has always ended up being bad to me... i don't understand what you are saying, because, if i accept it, i know i will just be hurt alot more... people aren't good, i know this first hand, there was a time, that i threw away all my beleifs and tried trusting people( a completely new group) without question, and they just ended up treating me just like everyone else, i don't see why i don't deserve to be hurt... i don't like it, but that doesn't matter, i just don't see why i don't deserve to get hurt... i feel, the more i try to communicate, the more i deserve to get hurt... im sorry i don't understand

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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#256299 - 10/19/08 01:07 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1960
Li Yuki,

Sure, sometimes in the world there are people that are not nice and they are really not the right ones to be talking to. But if you want to deal with your abuse issues, and all the negative stuff that is related to them, here on this site is a wonderful place to do so. The guys here are very supportive, and no one is going to give you a hard time for sharing (and if they do, that is their problem, not yours.) Everyone is here because we have all been through what were very traumatic and painful experiences, and are just looking to share our stories of the pain, but also share how we have found ways to heal and recover from this pain; also this is a great place to ask questions of others who might be able to give you some insight. Carrying the burden of abuse inside oneself and all alone is not a healthy way to heal. Unfortunately, in the world at large, many do not want to hear of or know about this stuff. But for those that have been able to speak up about what happened to them, they realize that carrying it around as a secret was very destructive, so to have a place like this were guys can speak openly about what happened with others that "get it" is great. Please do share and know that you deserve to grow and heal just like everyone else.

Take care,
Eric


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#256307 - 10/19/08 01:53 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: ericc]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
Ah, now i get it... this is more of a, let's all sit by the unlit bond fire and tell our stories so the bad people hiding in the bushes can take pleasure in our cries kind of thing... I thought there was something suspicious about how nice everyone was acting here... now i get it... it was dumb of me to try and think this place was disconnected from the real world...

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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#256316 - 10/19/08 02:29 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
The entire first part is a metaphor for a life alone among the ghost town Pripiat near Chernobyl, given the distrust of and fear of public contact and friendship, and can be summarily dismissed as such given your history to this point. The operative portion of your call for help begins well down in your text.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"i just have a couple of questions... did recovery really ever help anything... i was on the "road to recovery" one time, but that turned into exactly what i expected it to be, and i guess what i was told it would be too... so, i dunno, is recovery, really what they say it is, you know... is it more of the same, or does recovery actually help you?

What about friends, they aren't necissary are they?(never had any)

I think i'm having anxiety attacks or something that's similiar... but there not all the same... earlier today i started to get really hot, and started to sweat a lot. Then my mouth got really dry and i felt like i couldn't move... then i started breathing really rapidly and started to feel like i was going to throw up, then my a million little needles felt like they were poking into my skin... just to clear things up, sense i know i'm not talking clearly, those effects were all at once... and sometimes i get extremely sad, so sad that my left arm starts to hurt and my heart feels weird, and other times i just start to black out a little... and sometimes i just start to breathe heavily and just feel really, really scarred, i don't know what's wrong with me... anyways, has anyone felt like that and what do you do to not feel like that".

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you taking any drugs like anti-depressants or other pre>
_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#256327 - 10/19/08 03:03 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Trucker51]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
tucker... im sorry... when i said that i tried recovery before, what i meant was... that i tried reaching out for help... and... it ended with some personal time with a preacher... i don't know... i feel sick... i don't think i should be here, because i think one of the requirements to be here is to have some kind of support system... the closest thing to a support system i have is a bottle of pills and a knife... i don't really understand what you said, i kindof don't know why... i think i zoned out alot while reading... and im scarred to re read it... how do i fix the anxiety stuff... what kind of pills do i need to find... ... and, thank you for replying to my questions... im sorry

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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#256333 - 10/19/08 04:11 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
First thing they say in recovery is to quit saying you are sorry unless you have something to be sorry for. And having issues from an abusive childhood isn't your fault, so it isn't something that you need to be sorry for around me. I've been there and understand a lot of the symptoms in a personal way.

A lot of people don't have a support system when they come here. This place is their initial support system. Over time they find an experienced therapist and if one is available they eventually work themselves up to attending an in-person support group. There are lots of ups and downs in recovery and it helps a lot to have people that understand and who can offer support to reach out to when the need arises.

There are anti-depressants for anxiety-related disorders. I don't remember if Zanax is for social anxiety or if it is another drug. I don't know your situation with medical insurance either, but here in Colorado, my general physician can prescribe anti-depressants. Without medical insurance here the cost would be around $100 for an appointment and another $100/month for the drugs. My doctor loves to give away free samples to help with the cost too.

Zoning-out while reading can be a symptom of either ADD or of some level of a milder PTSD symptom called dissociation. The same thing can happen in the middle of a conversation, where you just drift away. In Mic Hunter's book ABUSED BOYS there is a short section on combatting the effects of dissociation, and a frequently prescribed drug for ADD symptoms is Welbutrin. Another book that you might want to look at is Mike Lew's book VICTIMS NO LONGER. Both books are available here from our site or on Amazon.com. Another book that I found helpful in my own recovery is SELF-ESTEEM, by Matthew McKay, PH.D. In ABUSED BOYS, the section on dissociation starts on page 66, a section on the "Victim Mentality" starts on page 69, and a study of various personality disorders that survivors suffer from is on pages 72-74.

In Dr. McKay's book the first half page spells out the importance of self-esteem quickly. He says, "Self-esteem is essential for psychological survival....without some measure of self-worth, life can be enormously painful, with many basic needs goin unmet".

"Judging and rejecting yourself causes enormous pain. And in the same way that you would favor and protect a physical wound, you find yourself avoiding anything that might aggravate the pain of self-rejection in any way. You take fewer social, academic, or career risks. You make it more difficult for yourself to meet people, interview for a job, or push for something where you might not succeed. You limit your ability to open yourself with others, express your sexuality, be the center of attention (or get any attention), hear criticism, ask for help, or solve problems".

"To avoid more (negative) judgements and (negative) self-rejection, you erect barriers of defense. Perhaps you blame or get angry, (at yourself or others), or bury yourself in perfectionistic work, or you brag, or you make excuses. Sometimes you turn to alcohol or drugs" (or other self-destructive behaviors).

"This book is about stopping the (negative and self-defeating) judgements. It is about healing the old wounds of hurt and self-rejection. How you perceive and feel about yourself can change. And when (your) perceptions and feelings change, the ripple effect will touch every part of your life with a gradually-expanding sense of freedom"

(Self-Esteem, Dr. Matthew McKay, New Harbinger Publications, Oakland, CA, 1992, quoted from pgs. 1-2, with editing in parenthesis by Mark).

Nothing to be sorry about here. You asked for help and I'm glad to be able to offer what I know. There are plenty of others here willing to do so too. Several of the staff and some of our members are away at a in-depth recovery weekend this weekend but they will be back next week. Eventually you could benefit from one of the intensive recovery weekends offered here too.

I don't know what kind of pills that you are talking about but if they are illegal or you are abusing them you will make much more progress more quickly without them.

Keep coming back, you are worth it, regardless of your present circumstance.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#256343 - 10/19/08 05:22 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Trucker51]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
im sorry, i don't know what's wrong with me... what you said sounded great and everything, but it just can't be true... i think it's safer to hate myself... i have been talking with broken sentences in many of my posts... and that's because it's so hard for me to talk about... me... i'm alone... it's just safer that way... whenever i try to reach out... they always hurt me... if i could live a life with never talking i would... i have a "psychiatrist," but he isn't there to help me... i have had a psychiatrist for as long as i can remember... he is mostly there to keep me quiet... i don't tell him anything... he just gives me alot of anti depressants... with insomia or narcaleptic pills... i think that's how my parents keep me less than human... you know... cover everything up with a pill... i don't know... i hate myself... im sorry... you speak like there are caring people out there... but where are these caring people... and if their out there... then why don't i ever see them... i don't drink or do anything "illegal"... i made an oath to myself when i was 5 to never drink or do anything that relates... after seeing what it does to my... dad... i just don't want to drink... at first i didn't want the pills, but they made me take them... and i think i have become hooked on them... but there not technically illegal... i dunno... i think relationships are non existant... if it was my choice, i would never have s*x again... i don't like food to much either... im sorry... im sorry.. your words are so kind... i just can't make myself believe them... i just find it hard to say that it wasn't my fault... because everyone i ever knew said it is my fault... im sorry... i feel really sick... im sorry im sorry... please don't be mad with me... im sorry

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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#256354 - 10/19/08 06:14 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Somewhere under all the saying you are sorry and saying you are undeserving and that everyone is going to hurt you, there is still a Li Yuki who needs to believe otherwise.

If this were not true you would not keep returning here. I haven't been thinking too clearly lately because of my depression and I realize now that my saying I won't respond to you when you put yourself down or say you are sorry will just be interpreted by you as more rejection.

I could make a long post talking on and on about how Li Yuki deserves to be here, how Li Yuki deserves to talk, how Li Yuki
has nothing to be sorry for and so on. Then I could copy that post and just paste it in as a response to all these posts that I was otherwise going to ignore.

But that would be just a kind of mindless repetition thing, wouldn't it. Then there would just be two broken records repeating over and over.

At some point the real Li Yuki has to take the broken record off the turntable..(I'm dating myself now talking about antiques lol) and smash it so that the real Li Yuki can begin to heal himself.



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#256361 - 10/19/08 06:41 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Sounds like some drug side-effects the more that I think about it. You have to have food or your drug side-effects will be worse, and you have got to drink plenty of water too. You talk about your parents and your alcoholic father, and there is also such a thing as physical and emotional abuse too. A lot of us here also have that component from our past going on too. In fact, my parents were so abusive that I had to find social support outside of my family from junior high school on. Yes, there are good people who won't abuse you, that you shouldn't be afraid of, but your lack of trust and some negative history is keeping you isolated and in fear.

I don't know much about you, your age, or where you are from, even how you got to this point, but this fear of people and your lack of good self-esteem can be dealt with for the better. It may be time to head in a different direction than your parents are going. I had to do it when I was in my teen years. I most likely would have gone nuts hanging around them.

Most everyone on this site cares and will try to help you. We have doctors and college professors here, and even a few truck drivers like me. We have an age range from teenage through well into retirement. We all are working towards solving the same challenges. We all understand and try to help. There are people in the world that will take advantage of you or hurt you, but on this site you are pretty safe. Safety in anonymity is the object here. Maybe you should share with us your treatment plan and see if anyone has any suggestions. Having a 2nd opinion and a little bit of caring and informed support wouldn't be the worst thing I could think of.

Just trying to get you to move towards beginning to take a chance on trusting us, my man. It may take a while to recover your freedom and get to the point where you can enjoy all that life has to offer without fear, but recovery is possible if you are willing to try. There will be periods of happiness and sadness, anger and joy, hills to conquer and sinkholes to be rescued from, but eventually your shame, guilt, and social isolation will be dealt with and it will be behind you, and someday you will look back and wonder who that guy was.

Hope that you feel a little better soon. There are people that care about you and who want nothing but the best for you. And there are plenty of people here that are willing to try to be your friends. You just have to take a chance.

Just keep coming back,

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#256399 - 10/19/08 10:24 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Trucker51]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
if i shared my treatment plan with you... then i would be kicked off of this board... it doesn't have a happy ending... i know the rules... and i don't want to be kicked from the only people i "talk" too... but... i guess if it means anything... i have kept true to the plan ever sense the 6th grade...

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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#256402 - 10/19/08 10:35 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1960
Li Yuki,

Just curious, if you are willing to answer, where are you from? I am just trying to get a cultural understanding/perspective with all you are saying.

By the way, your comment about the sickos hiding in the bushes and getting off on all this stuff, I don't give a rat's a** about them. They can go on and live there sick lives, but they ain't getting in the way of me sharing and healing.

I actually need people in my life, and one of my goals in all this stuff is to get to a place where I am able to let go of enough of the shame, anger, guilt, etc. so that I can let into my life the kinds of people I actually want there.

Eric


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#256403 - 10/19/08 10:43 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: ericc]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
Hey erric, i have a couple of answers for your question:

1. There's a whole in the world like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it
and its morals aren't worth what a pig can spit
and it goes by the name of London.

At the top of the hole sit the privileged few
making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo
turning beauty to filth and greed...

I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders,
for the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru
but there's no place like London!

2. A little secluded hell hole out in the middle of nowhere.

3. A room with a broken mirror... and a bed...

4. I'm too scared to tell you exactly

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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#256405 - 10/19/08 11:02 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1960
Understood, and that is actually probably the best answer. Please stay well and keep reaching out. This stuff is in no way easy, but I remember the days when I kept it all a secret and bottled up inside and it was beyond unbearable. So to have been able to reach a point where I was finally able to open up and share really helped a bunch.

Take care,
Eric

** P.S. I just read your thread about what happened in the chat room and how you were asked personal questions. I am sorry I did the same on the post above; there was no ill intention meant. Do keep sharing. **



Edited by ericc (10/19/08 11:25 PM)
Edit Reason: Read another post

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#256412 - 10/19/08 11:50 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: ericc]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
i don't care about being asked personal questions... just don't be offended when i don't give you a straight answer... but if someone asks... i usually well make some effort to give them some kind of answer... it kinda goes in my book of rules... you know... i really try hard to not ignore people... i feel that everyone is entitled to at least an answer if they bother to ask a question, i wasn't trying to be sarcastic or anything in answering you, just answering you in the safest most realistic way... don't be sorry it's my fault really... it's ok... im sorry

blueshift: im really sorry that i don't understand what you are saying... i get what you are saying, but i don't understand how i am a person... why i keep returning here... i don't know... i guess i just come here because im delaying the inevitable... im sorry



Edited by Li Yuki (10/20/08 12:17 AM)
Edit Reason: im sorry
_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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#256418 - 10/20/08 12:43 AM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Originally Posted By: Li Yuki
if i shared my treatment plan with you... then i would be kicked off of this board... it doesn't have a happy ending... i know the rules... and i don't want to be kicked from the only people i "talk" too... but... i guess if it means anything... i have kept true to the plan ever sense the 6th grade...


Seems to me the whole point of any treatment plan is a happy ending and if what you are saying what it sounds like you are saying, I would tell you what I realized about that which is that we don't know what comes after this life and throwing away what we have in hopes that whatever comes after will be better is probably not the smartest move.

I'd advise you not to respond at all to this now since what you have said already could constitute a rule violation and getting kicked out of MS won't help you one bit. Please, please, please give yourself a chance! It doesn't sound like anyone else ever has, and for crying out loud, don't you deserve it?

Don't answer that either because I'm pretty sure I already know your answer but I think you deserve to give yourself a the chance that no one else ever gave you and it may well be that the only person who can give you a chance right now is you.


_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#256438 - 10/20/08 04:01 AM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: blueshift]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
You could send me or anyone a PM if you wanted it to be more private. Just like the AA doctrine, "what we hear here, stays here". Now that you have had several guys on here respond in a friendly and caring manner you have to make a decision. Do you take a chance? It might be your best chance to get somewhere better than where you are at. I know that it is tough, but sooner or later, you will have to trust someone somewhere sometime, so why not here and now? At least with us there is a really good chance that we will believe you and will try to help you find your way to freedom. Nobody here is out to get you, though I am one of these stay out of chat types. I prefer the strength of thinking about my words beforehand.

Come on, my man, take a chance and talk to us. Someday you will be glad that you did.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#256577 - 10/20/08 06:47 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Trucker51]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
i'm sorry... im too scarred to initiate a chat through private messaging, and half the time i'm too scarred to reply... same thing kinda applies to rooms i guess... if there less than 3 people in a room, i usually leave... if i can... im sorry... i tried looking at some random people today... and they all look and act the same... i don't see how they can't be hurtful... im sorry... i guess i need to share at least a little something about me... you know, so that i will be more than just some sad text on the screen to some people... i was raised catholic and went to a catholic school... i am now atheist... i stand by the term as a definition of my religious beliefs in a litteral sense. a---theist... theism = with god.... a = not... not with god = lacking a religious belief... my views on death pretty much come from a quote i cant remember, but it goes something like this...
Unfortunetly, all humans have to go through 2 painful expierences in their lifetimes. One time before they are born, and one time after they are dead. I imagine that when i die, it will be very similar to how it was before i was born.

That's the quote, just horribly worded, with spelling mistakes and all... i take the default views on god... doesn't exist until proven otherwise... i don't mean to spark any kind of debate... it's just... i think someone asked me about where i was from for some reason... maybe that will make up for a lack of the answer you asked for... i dunno... im really sorry

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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#256581 - 10/20/08 07:02 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
An ex-Catholic now atheist! All right! Somebody else to play on my team! I'm also an ex-religious believer. My parents were very devout in a fringe cult fundamentalist religion whose number one tenant was faith-healing, and their secondary tenant was acquisition of wealth and power. I escaped from the cult at the age of 17 several years after I had quit believing after an awful lot of abuse at their hands. Most of my relatives died early for their beliefs, though my mother is still one of their church leaders.

So you are not alone on the religious thing either. Remember what I said about saying that you are sorry? There are a few people who I have met that might take some offense but I am not one of them, so no need to say that you are sorry around me. And just like I said, we are here to believe and support you. We are not here to take advantage of you. We are not like many other people. You have no need to fear us.

Someday I hope that you can trust us.

And quit saying that you're sorry,

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#256586 - 10/20/08 07:32 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Trucker51]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
Im sorry...



Edited by Li Yuki (10/20/08 10:08 PM)
Edit Reason: i dunno... to much info...
_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

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