Newest Members
Stormchaser, johnnyc717, bluebook, Roscoe, SJC
12314 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
clutzygurl (22), dun (50), Gene (50), ufp1964 (50), Zoot (68)
Who's Online
3 registered (Obi, 2 invisible), 17 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12314 Members
74 Forums
63355 Topics
443010 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#256173 - 10/18/08 07:45 PM Population: 0 / trigger
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
I don't know much about the disaster, i wasn't alive when it happened, but i do know that i'm falling in love with the area, well, what's left of it. I'll try relaying what i recall about my brief research, but don't take any of it as exact fact.

They call it the Chernobyl Disaster. It involved the failure of 4 nuclear reactors that caused the deaths of an untold amount of people and the destruction of future generations of children. The world remained unaware of the incedent until it was 10 days after the original occurence. During those 10 days, the former Soviet Union did all that they could do in order to cover up the disaster. They bulldozed over entire cities and buried them under the ground. They hid the deaths of countless civilians and quarentined the area off. Still, today, you have to travel through multiple government check points to even get close to the heart of the accidents. Though, today they do this to protect citizens from the radiation damage instead of trying to cover too much up.

Near the heart of the incedent, there is a large city that they were unable to cover up. The natives refer to this city as Ghost Town, due to the tremendous lack of people (hence, population 0). if you want to read up more about the ghost town then visit the link at[url=http://www.kiddofspeed.com/chapter1.html][/url].

Anyways, i was just thinking about how much i wanted to live there. Well, that was about 6 of 7 hours ago when i started writing this... and... i don't know, i just have a couple of questions... did recovery really ever help anything... i was on the "road to recovery" one time, but that turned into exactly what i expected it to be, and i guess what i was told it would be too... so, i dunno, is recovery, really what they say it is, you know... is it more of the same, or does recovery actually help you?

What about friends, they aren't necissary are they?(never had any)

I think i'm having anxiety attacks or something that's similiar... but there not all the same... earlier today i started to get really hot, and started to sweat a lot. Then my mouth got really dry and i felt like i couldn't move... then i started breathing really rapidly and started to feel like i was going to throw up, then my a million little needles felt like they were poking into my skin... just to clear things up, sense i know i'm not talking clearly, those effects were all at once... and sometimes i get extremely sad, so sad that my left arm starts to hurt and my heart feels weird, and other times i just start to black out a little... and sometimes i just start to breathe heavily and just feel really, really scarred, i don't know what's wrong with me... anyways, has anyone felt like that and what do you do to not feel like that.

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

Top
#256194 - 10/18/08 09:23 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Jeeze Li Yuki! The first part of your post makes it sound like you are living in Chernobyl! Please don't tell me you are because there's a reason it's a ghost-town city! Radiation takes thousands of years to dissipate and if you are experiencing strange physical symptoms, then there's your problem!

If you aren't living in Chernobyl,(I'm guessing you aren't) then I would guess that you are experiencing sever anxiety or panic attacks. I have those too sometimes and experience some of the things you described.


_________________________
My Story
My Art

Top
#256209 - 10/18/08 11:12 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: blueshift]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
your right, i should of just kept it to myself, and deal with it by myself... it was wrong of me to come on here... im sorry

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

Top
#256214 - 10/19/08 12:07 AM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
OK, now you are letting your abuser talk again, but I'm going to respond anyway because I'm not understanding what you mean by "your right". You mean I'm right that you are in Chernobyl and suffering radiation poisoning, or do you mean I'm right about something else?


_________________________
My Story
My Art

Top
#256221 - 10/19/08 12:46 AM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: blueshift]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
no... if i was in Chernobyl right now, i would probably be hugging a beutiful, glowing tree right now, or looking at the bright stars that i miss seeing so much, slowly awaiting the radiation to do it's job. I don't understand what you are saying... i thought you were being sarcastic and wanted me to go away... what do you mean i have a voice, im not allowed to have a voice, having a voice is no good... i don't understand what you are talking about, and i don't know why it makes me so upset...

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

Top
#256224 - 10/19/08 01:46 AM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
OK. I see I have confused you. Sorry about that. I was never sarcastic with you. What I meant before about your letting your abuser talk is that when you put yourself down and say you are sorry when you have no reason to be, it's like you abusing yourself just like your abuser abused you and that is something I don't want to support in any way.

I do care about you Li Yuki. You may not believe that, but I do because you have gone through the same kind of thing I have and I know how much it hurt you.

That's why I don't want to respond to you when you talk bad about yourself and say things like "I don't deserve to talk."
or "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry". Saying things like that hurts you and I don't want you hurting yourself like that.

I'm not saying you shouldn't come here and talk. You should. But I want you to talk in ways that help you rather than in ways that hurt you.

I'm sorry if I made you upset. It wasn't my intention. I still won't respond though to your putting yourself down or saying your sorry over and over because I just don't see any positive way to respond to that.



_________________________
My Story
My Art

Top
#256281 - 10/19/08 11:27 AM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: blueshift]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
I'm sorry, expierence has taught me better... people don't want to help... staying away from everybody is always better than talking to anybody... and i am always to blame... I see what your saying, but the more i apply what your saying to myself, the more pain i feel, i think it's just easier to let them talk for me... you know, if the past makes me what i am today... then what they do to me, is all i am, im sorry, im sorry, im sorry, i don't want to upset you, and i didn't mean to... it's just... everyone i have ever known... has always ended up being bad to me... i don't understand what you are saying, because, if i accept it, i know i will just be hurt alot more... people aren't good, i know this first hand, there was a time, that i threw away all my beleifs and tried trusting people( a completely new group) without question, and they just ended up treating me just like everyone else, i don't see why i don't deserve to be hurt... i don't like it, but that doesn't matter, i just don't see why i don't deserve to get hurt... i feel, the more i try to communicate, the more i deserve to get hurt... im sorry i don't understand

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

Top
#256299 - 10/19/08 01:07 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
Li Yuki,

Sure, sometimes in the world there are people that are not nice and they are really not the right ones to be talking to. But if you want to deal with your abuse issues, and all the negative stuff that is related to them, here on this site is a wonderful place to do so. The guys here are very supportive, and no one is going to give you a hard time for sharing (and if they do, that is their problem, not yours.) Everyone is here because we have all been through what were very traumatic and painful experiences, and are just looking to share our stories of the pain, but also share how we have found ways to heal and recover from this pain; also this is a great place to ask questions of others who might be able to give you some insight. Carrying the burden of abuse inside oneself and all alone is not a healthy way to heal. Unfortunately, in the world at large, many do not want to hear of or know about this stuff. But for those that have been able to speak up about what happened to them, they realize that carrying it around as a secret was very destructive, so to have a place like this were guys can speak openly about what happened with others that "get it" is great. Please do share and know that you deserve to grow and heal just like everyone else.

Take care,
Eric


Top
#256307 - 10/19/08 01:53 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: ericc]
Li Yuki Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 35
Ah, now i get it... this is more of a, let's all sit by the unlit bond fire and tell our stories so the bad people hiding in the bushes can take pleasure in our cries kind of thing... I thought there was something suspicious about how nice everyone was acting here... now i get it... it was dumb of me to try and think this place was disconnected from the real world...

_________________________
Friend without the r is nothing more than just another Fiend, weaving your emotions until they have you in their trap...

Top
#256316 - 10/19/08 02:29 PM Re: Population: 0 / trigger [Re: Li Yuki]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
The entire first part is a metaphor for a life alone among the ghost town Pripiat near Chernobyl, given the distrust of and fear of public contact and friendship, and can be summarily dismissed as such given your history to this point. The operative portion of your call for help begins well down in your text.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"i just have a couple of questions... did recovery really ever help anything... i was on the "road to recovery" one time, but that turned into exactly what i expected it to be, and i guess what i was told it would be too... so, i dunno, is recovery, really what they say it is, you know... is it more of the same, or does recovery actually help you?

What about friends, they aren't necissary are they?(never had any)

I think i'm having anxiety attacks or something that's similiar... but there not all the same... earlier today i started to get really hot, and started to sweat a lot. Then my mouth got really dry and i felt like i couldn't move... then i started breathing really rapidly and started to feel like i was going to throw up, then my a million little needles felt like they were poking into my skin... just to clear things up, sense i know i'm not talking clearly, those effects were all at once... and sometimes i get extremely sad, so sad that my left arm starts to hurt and my heart feels weird, and other times i just start to black out a little... and sometimes i just start to breathe heavily and just feel really, really scarred, i don't know what's wrong with me... anyways, has anyone felt like that and what do you do to not feel like that".

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you taking any drugs like anti-depressants or other pre>
_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.