142. The moment that you realise that the girl next door has boobs happens only milliseconds before her father notices you noticing.

Some thoughts on dating:

143. Your first attempt at french kissing will not look like those people in the movies. To a fly on the wall, it will be one of the funniest damn things it has ever seen.

144. When on a date, you'll spend hours trying to decide whether to reach over and hold her hand or not. As the evening wears on, you'll find yourself calculating how much time is left, and you will eventually give up and not do it.

145. When a girl writes you a note saying that she likes you and asks you if you like her (with check boxes of Yes or No), the wrong answer is to write back "I don't know."

There is no right answer to #145. The only possible answer is to tell her friends that you think she's cool.

146. If you want to be fit and you work at McDonalds, it's best not to take advantage of the reduced price food plan.

...and go home and hate yourself for the rest of the week for not being cool with girls like you think your friends are.

jumping over a lit bunch of roman candles is tremendous fun

rolling around with your jeans on fire is not

147. make sure the cieling fan is off before you throw your pet hamster in the air.
148. if you are making a gross food mixture in the kitchen, quickly pouring the mixture into an oven mit when you hear your mom coming, doesn't work
149. don't ask your parents what 'masterbation' means when you are out to a fancy dinner with their friends.

The only way to stop your mom from bribing you to finish your glass of milk is to bribe her once, if she finishes it for you.

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Nothing tastes sweeter than fruits stolen from a neighbour orchard.

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150. Neither will a bedsheet.

151. Just because it's the big sheet off your parents' bed won't make it work any better.

152. Using the big sheet off your parents' bed as a parachute probably won't make your mom very happy.