I know some guys that have bene survivors that then turned into sex offenders...if that's the case...how we will deal with them? am confused because i have a friend that is like that...i have trouble when we talk cuze i don't know if am talking to a survivor or a sex offender...

Sunwolf,

That's a tough question. I'm not sure I can speak to it at the moment. I'll think about it and let's see what others can contribute...

Peace and love...

Michael

It's possible to be both a survivor and sex offender -- in fact I've never worked with a pedophile that wasn't abused as a child. Is there abuse less valid than yours? I feel you're not somehow less abused if you yourself offend. It doesn't mean that what they've done is right at all. It's not. Abuse is horrible.

But I guess you have to ask yourself the question of are you a fair weather friend or are you two true friends? Do you like him as a whole or just parts?

As evil as abuse is, their offenses or attractions make up only part of who they are as a whole. Even pedophiles were someone's little boy (or girl) in the past and it's sad to me that they got so mixed up from stuff that they felt they had to repeat the abuse themselves.

I have a strong view in that someone can't be both. Being abused DOES NOT turn a person into an abuser. It's such a small minority of "Us" that goes on to be one of "Them". Somehow that is lost and we are called to be forgiving, accepting, and understanding, just because a perp may have been hurt when they were younger. It does not make them one of "us" and does not excuse any of there violations toward kids. It's not by chance, like they accidently tripped and did something to a child, it takes effort to be a pediphile.

It's not right to assume that we all could have become what they are.... they do not evolve from us. Can any of you take on creating a kid as hurt as you, experiencing things the way you did and the aftermath?... that is what makes them different from you, they are after self gratification and power where kids are objects. Once they hurt a kid as an adult they've chosen their identity. I treat a perp as such until they have accepted responsibility for their deeds and behaviors which very few ever do.

"Us and Them"

USMC, you sure know a lot of facts without A) working closely with these people and/or B) living through it. I suggest more research.

Are they talking about offending or having offended or are they talking about surviving having been abused?

Seems pretty straight forward to me.

Hello Sunwolf

What a difficult spot you find yourself in. ‘How do we deal with them …’
I guess an answer to that is to be guided by how you feel in their presence,
You may react differently to one or more depending on how well you know them and/or what you know of their situation …
if you feel uncomfortable then let that be your starting point I guess …

I always have a giggle when this issue raises it’s head …
Those who say a perp is a perp and should be treated as such always get the black and white thing thrown at them by those who have a different view …
I’ve always wondered why these so called ‘grey’ people think their view is any less black and white than those they want to change their opinions.

Personally I think neither view is defendable …
Not all sex offenders are exclusive brethren of the devil …
Not all ‘reformed’ offenders stay reformed …

I guess it’s a case by case decision … I personally think its a subject where one should always keep an open mind ...
everyone deserves a second chance in life, people always make mistakes ...
but you have to temper that with being vigilant as to protect yourself, those likely to be offended against and those very same offenders who have been reformed ...
such is this persons grey view of things LOL

That is some excellent advice arronb. I, personally, can't be around perps or any type of abusive person. It messes me up. I realize that everyone acts the way they do for a reason, but for me to do what is right for me, I can not be near them. I recently saw a t that specializes in guys like us but he also counsels perps. I told him I would probably come back but I know I won't. I can't sit on a couch that I know an abuser has and will later sit on. I'm drifting, time to go. Pete

I have worked with "them", I also have had a lot of experience with perps and their behavioral issues. I do know facts over theories. Hurting a kid isn't a mistake, it is what it is and nothing less. Just because a perp might have been nice does not make them any less liable for the evil that they do. Put one of those so called "reformed" perps around a kid and see how reformed they are. I'm not willing to allow that to happen because there is no justification to use a child as bait to prove the deviance of a predator. Having an "open" mind to their behavior and taking acount of all the excuses for their actions only enables them. There is no excuse for them to hurt a kid or for anyone to give them the chance repeat it down the road. This ain't a subject where it's okay to give them "second chances". How many of them take responsibility for what they do? If they would then this stuff would be fully preventable but no, they need to live their lives and not lay claim to fault.

If it's not our fault they hurt us.... and it's not their fault they do the things they do, then who is responsible? The kid or the predator?.... they sure made me believe it was my fault. I'm not like "them" and the view that there is just some missing link to connect us and "them" is a scapegoat and offensive to everyone who is innocent.

In what capacities & contexts?