This subject/problem is not easy for me to talk about. Within the last month the triggers of CSA have started. I have tried to come up with some answers/reasons why I am being triggered today in my present relationship, during intimate times, with my partner, but have found none.

Everything starts out fine/great and then my mind and emotions send me back to those horrible 5 years of being sexually abused by my brother. I cannot get those pictures of me being sexually abused, those feelings of being forced to feel guilty, the shame I felt, that pain I suffered, out of my mind. The end result of this is the inability to have a fulfilling sexual experience. I am so fortunate that my partner understands, but all the same, it has definitely put a strain on our relationship.

I feel guilty and the shame again has taken over many of my emotions. As much as I want to be intimate, I now am feeling reluctant.

I am so looking for some suggestions/ideas as to how I handle this problem.

Thanks for listening;

Ken

Hey Ken:
I can relate, but cannot pretend to have answer. For years, at different times, and for no readily apparent reason there seemed to be an extra person in our bed. Uninvited, and unwanted, and only known to me. Many times it hampered the experience completely, and other times, well it just seemed to go poof and the extra person was gone. I know I was really trying to focus on my partner at the time it went poof, and not so much on my experience. I was more interested in giving than receiving. I think that might have rattled the ghost a bit. But as you mentioned, it does have an impact wether only partially successful or not. So I went to my Dr. and asked for her assistance. I've tried the Viagra with mixed to good results. Am now trying the new low dose Cialis daily dose. So far so good. My experience may not reflect yours though as I may be at a different stage. I'm still fairly new here, and only recently disclosed to my spouse, so that I think would have an impact.

I wish you well, and all the best in getting back a "fulfilling" experience with the person you love.
Jim

wow Kenken you sound like me!!!!..shame embarrasement guilt..a lot of emmotions at the same time...i was also abused by my brother and cousins...