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#25470 - 04/03/02 05:46 PM Attacked from all sides
tofeno Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/12/01
Posts: 18
Loc: Toronto, Canada
I feel like I am being tested and my strenght is being attacked from all sides. My abbility to trust others and to let people know how I am really feeling has been a great challange this year. I have read other men struggle with feeling less like a man and feeling vulnerable and scared alot of the time. My life seams to be closing in on me as my home and space in my room is being invaded by the peopel who live below me. While this so some my not be a worth topic fopr discussion the safety I have found my room has alowed me the courage to start looking at my abuse. Which I still have no clear memories just a strong gut sence that it happened. I have got alot from reading some of the postes and have taken awhile to feel comfortable to put my self out there. The fear in my body is manifesting it's self in body movements and I know is helping me to move to a better place for my self. I still need sometimes to run home and be in my room. The sence of fear is strong within me. I pray very day to my highter power for the strenght to carry on. Thank you for listening

Paul

_________________________
The search for love continues even in the face of great odds.

bell hooks

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#25471 - 04/05/02 03:24 PM Re: Attacked from all sides
inferiornevada Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/08/02
Posts: 12
Loc: lyme connecticut & nyc
y'know ive been in a residential treatment facility for a year now, ive met many men and ppl as well who express similar concerns of distrust and paranoia towards others. not all of them suffer the same manner of childhood trauma but symptom and effects are closely paralelled. im only 22, and for much time ive only been able to recognize that i once in my childhood suffered abuse. now only recently have i been able to identify the blatantly obvious long term effect of my abuse. in my case what i fear is the uncertaintly of the psychological effects of other past repressed childhood memories. i very often question my personal being as a man. thos assets of male maturity have been stunted and some never developted. i no longer considerd myself either gender representation. im simply just a 22 yr old character, it stange yet also very comforting this way.


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#25472 - 04/06/02 04:48 PM Re: Attacked from all sides
tofeno Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/12/01
Posts: 18
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Thanks for your message. I remeber setting another post you had writen on and thinking that there are not as many younger men wrting about issue. I myself am 27 and my process has greatfuly lead me to discover more about my self which I know will benift me thoughout my life. Being a men or what that is, is a complicted issue as you I am sure know. It is so hard to decove who I really am without compoaring myself to the standard of manhood that are out there. Again thanks for listening

Paul \:\)

_________________________
The search for love continues even in the face of great odds.

bell hooks

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