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#25443 - 03/06/04 01:15 PM Re: The oddity of victims becoming perps
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1300
Loc: Northern Ohio
Texas-mike,
Please read the entire post, its meant to be taken as a whole statement, and is Not directed at You, only is responce to your post above.

Though this "problem" appears uniquely horrible, the solution certainly is not singular in nature.

Of course we should warn our children, teach them 'self protection', Yet we, ourselves, must recognize the signs, because children CAN be taken advantage of, even with the best prevention training.

Perps are often the very people that are teaching our kids to be safe in the first place. For example...parents, teachers, coaches, religious leaders, etc. They Are in the supreme role to twist & manipulate.
Our best defense, is setting up an atmosphere where Perps donít have the opportunities to abuse.
Of course, this is no easy task.
First, It takes a change in the way we look at the problem, how we conceptualize & describe this
dilemma.

Currently, we often see safety, as being related to the title of an individual. The words we use to describe safety are,......coach, parent, teacher, & so on. But safety is not a noun. Itís a verb, an action. So, feeling safe means, you trust that an individual wont take action against you.
We used other nouns to describe danger.....stranger, perp, con. These nouns produce instant reaction and warning. These names represent potentially dangerous actions.
We wrongly assume that danger is directly (& exclusively) related to specific people, places, things. Noun = dangerous behavior.
Where its actually the action taken by/with/at a person/thing/place that is the danger. Actions/Behavior = danger.
Remember DANGER is a VERB, not a NOUN.

The impact with the ground, after falling off the cliff, is the danger, not the cliff its-self. If anyone takes this to mean we should not be concerned about our children being around suspected or previous threats like,... cons, strangers, etc, then you've missed my point.

But thatís all I care to write on this subject right now....

Blacken

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#25444 - 03/06/04 03:34 PM Re: The oddity of victims becoming perps
Spidey Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/04/03
Posts: 14
Loc: NYC
I, like others here no doubt, was terrified by the statistical or psychological possibility that I would become like those who marked me with abuse.

Bearing in mind that a lot of sexual abusers were abused, but that only a small percentage of those who are abused become abusers, and through my own experiences, the personal truth I arrived at was this:
Getting help, in many cases, makes the difference. If the poison is left inside to fester and is compressed and guarded and left unspoken, its influences come out anyway - whether the person wants to or not.
But if help is obtained, and the poison is spoken out a little at a time, it is not being left to fester. Efforts are made to be aware of its influences and the forces at play - and from there, to change them, guide them, sculpt them, and, sometimes, to destroy them with truth. To destroy the often unspoken and unseen perception of what you were taught as being normal (even though part of you knows SA is not). Basically, its easier to fight and deal with a visible thing, than one that has been made invisible for whatever reason.

I don't fear that possible future anymore. Part of me will stand vigil over it until I'm in my grave, but I find its a much smaller part than it used to be.


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