These behaviours the drinking, the avoidance of therapy, the stress and panic, the confusion over sexual identity, the inability to concentrate or deliver on simple commitments, being shut down - these are all very familiar behaviours to those of us who have been involved with CSA survivors. He is NOT alone in these behaviours or these problems. The rationality you are trying to bring to the situation simply doesn't apply here. He is in a particular kind of pain and he is suffering. You both are, I'm willing to bet.
Joel is right when he says that he is the ONLY person who can deciee to get well.
So, where does that leave you? Until he decides for his own reasons that he wants to journey towards recovery, you have to take care of yourself. It's hard to do sometimes, but it really has to be his call.
Recovery is possible, there is hope! But it is his decision to reach for it or not. Your decision is whether to stay or not. Turning yourself inside out to make things work is ultiamtely unsustainable.
Read some of the survivor stories on this site. Those brave men have shared their experiences publicly and it is a generous insight into what CSA survivors struggle with.
Female, Friends & Family Forum Fan