Oh God, I don't know where to start. I wonder if I'm bipolar. I can't help but feel as if I am a whore for what someone else did to me.

Take a breath... and start from the beginning... and if someone did something to you, you shouldn't blame yourself or feel bad about yourself.

Michael

Oh o.k. Its just that I start to trigger sometiems out of nowhere.

Marinan,

Are you in therapy? If so, it would be a good idea to tell your T about these triggers. What's going on is that old childhood feelings are coming back to you, triggered by something that reminds you of the abuse somehow. These remembered feelings seem so real and immediate because they are trauma memories, which, among other things, get stored in a child's brain without "tags" identifying them as belonging to a particular time. So when you get triggered, these things come surging back with nothing attached to them to assure you that you are remembering old past feelings. It's all very "here and now".

Also, you're not weird because you feel you are a whore as a result of what someone else did. Most survivors find that they can "know" something rationally but still be convinced by the opposite conclusion emotionally. Like the guy who knows 100% certain that abuse can never be a child's fault, but nevertheless still feels ashamed and guilty. It's the old heart over head problem.

Much love,
Larry

Yeah. I'm in therapy... sort of. He was on vacation. and then... well he's not avaiable until a few weeks from now.

See if you can get yourself on a wait list in case someone cancels.

((Marinan)) be good to yourself.

Michael