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#236601 - 07/07/08 07:35 PM thoghts
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
i hate looking myself in the mirror
i hate knowing i have fear
i hate seeing what isnt there
i hate feeling that i am scared
i hate believing what isnt true
i hate how hard it is to trust
i hate crying myself to sleep
forgive me for having nighmares
my eyes are red and yes I still cry
my freinds see what i let them see
if they only could see the true me
they would definitly turn and run
so many others think they know
dont they realize its all for show
and as i am tortured inside with pain
with a chosen few i have told the shame
please dont think that im insane
cause belive it or not i do have a heart
its just been very torn apart


_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#236612 - 07/07/08 08:16 PM Re: thoghts [Re: nicky]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Nicky,

I'm sorry to see you in such pain, but I'm glad you can talk about it. Doing that is the first step towards finding answers.

Are you sure your friends would turn and run if they knew? I felt the same way, but in almost every case my disclosure has been met with 100% support and understanding. I think most people will appreciate the idea that when a boy is abused it can't be his fault, and that the man who reveals his past is doing something that takes a lot of courage.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#236676 - 07/07/08 10:52 PM Re: thoghts [Re: roadrunner]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
That's a lot of pain in one poem. Some of it is pain produced by thoughts produced by pain I bet. Larry said it all once again.

_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#252354 - 10/01/08 12:13 PM Re: thoghts [Re: blueshift]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Larry,

Do you know anything about where Nicky is or how he's doing? He was a real friend to me last fall when I first joined and haven't seen him on line and not posts since this poem in July... Just worried, he always seemed so fragile. At Hope Springs, the Treehouse Boys created t-shirts and Nicky, an honorary Treehouse Boy was honored on the t-shirts, one of which we sent to the conference last year for display...

Thanks,

Michael


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#252373 - 10/01/08 01:23 PM Re: thoghts [Re: M3]
sunwolf Offline


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 225
Loc: Indiana
I feel the same....too much pain!!!


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#252561 - 10/02/08 10:12 AM Re: thoghts [Re: M3]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Michael,

Originally Posted By: M3
Do you know anything about where Nicky is or how he's doing?

No not really. I haven't seen him either and I have no news about his or how he's doing.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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