Now I understand what has been bothering you. I'm so sorry. I agree with your T that the signs are there. The question is, how much energy to you want to expend trying to find the answer? I know that would be weighing heavily on my mind. I'm afraid to even tell you what went through my mind when I read this...
As for your mother, is she trying to be the victim to get attention? Don't think I've ever told anyone this story, but my mom did make one attempt to "help me" if that is really what you could call it. She decided that she wanted to find the football coach, she had been taken in by him so she had an ax to grind. She went around town, to the school, old teachers, classmates, etc. and asked them if they knew where he was because he tricked me so he could molest my son!
When I go back to that town I start sweating, can't breath, my body starts hurting like it did after he beat and raped me, panic, etc.... it's pretty ugly. If that wasn't bad enough, a whole bunch of people back there know about my CSA and not knowing who knows or if you are going to run into them just makes it worse. They held our 20th class reunion in a different town but I couldn't face my classmates because I didn't know how many of them my mom had talked too - and being a small town, you know how people talk.
Oh, sorry Mike... got carried away... LOL
What I'm trying to say is, what your mom did is wrong and that's really tough. Have you seen Ken's post on how parents can help their adult CSA children
? You should e-mail that to your mom. Whether she was trying to cover something up, get attention, or whatever, it is inappropriate. In my opinion, parents can be part of the solution, or part of the problem, but it is difficult for them to be in between because I think we want them to commit one way or the other.
Hmmmm... I don't even think this post is coherent! LOL Anytime buddy, just PM me to get my attention and I'll pop over to chat and we can talk...
Peace and love...