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#252345 - 10/01/08 11:40 AM Advice - Searching for A Predator
Nik Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/07
Posts: 1
Gentlemen,

I've been lurking for some time and decided to join and jump in with some questions. I'm hoping someone has been through what I'm attempting to do and can help steer me in the right direction.

I was sexually abused by several adult males as a young boy in the seventies, around '76 to '79. I am interested in finding and bringing charges against the only abuser that I would have any solid information about, and who perpetrated the most significant and lengthy abuse on me. I have made significant strides in healing from my ordeals and feel like going after this guy would help me tremendously. It has always tortured me a bit that this guy is likely still out there going after children - I only wish I had done something 30 years ago.

I'm not sure exactly what my question is, though! I've spent a fair amount of time over the last two years trying to find this individual, to no avail. The abuse took place in Massachusetts, and I have found the police to be of little or no help. Since I no longer reside in that state, my options are limited. And there is a statute of limitations to contend with. The local police in the town where the abuse took place want me to travel back to MA to file a formal charge. Travel back to MA has been a challenge. According to the police, if the individual left the state within 7 years of the crime, the statute of limitations is suspended. I believe this is the case. From what I can gather, this individual moved to Rhode Island after moving out of the home I was raised in by my mother. (The individual was my mother's boyfriend at the time.) I have also found my mother to be less than helpful, shockingly! She knows of the incidents spread over a number of years, but can't seem to give me any solid information about this guy...I've got a first name, and one or two variations on a last name - little else. I'm not sure if she is in denial and doesn't want to face moving forward on this. She has also destroyed all photos of this individual once she learned of the abuse. Of course, this doesn't help a whole lot either.

Has anyone else brought formal charges against an abuser 30 years too late? What have your experiences been, and what do you recommend? I'd really like to dig this guy up - I'd love to bring formal charges or a some sort of legal proceeding against him. Shy of that, maybe I could put a sign on his front yard or warn the community he lives in. Breaking his nose would also suffice.

Best,

Nik


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#252352 - 10/01/08 12:04 PM Re: Advice - Searching for A Predator [Re: Nik]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Nik,

Welcome to MaleSurvivor.

There are some guys here that have had similar experiences with tracking down perps so hopefully they'll be around to respond to your post.

Otherwise, I hope that the postings and community here to can help you further your recovery too.

Peace and love Nik...

Michael


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#252358 - 10/01/08 12:40 PM Re: Advice - Searching for A Predator [Re: Nik]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
I hope you'll forgive me if I'm misunderstanding you. I got the underlying feeling that what you're after is closure. Of the many, many men who have been able to prosecute their abuser some report that it was very helpfull and exactly what they needed to move on.

However, most guys will tell you how very disappointed they were with the outcome and that it left them feeling abused all over again. When it is we who have lived with the fallout of our abuse for many, many years we often want serious retribution. The courts don't usually see things in that light unfortunatly.

So, picture this: You've put yourself through the indignity of making an in detailed report to the police and then again to the prosecutor to find yourself in a court room recounting yet again all of your painfull (embarassing?) details. You are now cross-examined by your abusers lawyer, putting you in the position of having to defend your allegations (remember he's not convicted yet so it's your word against his).

And then, blessing of blessings, you are believed and your abuser is convicted. Halleluia! He maybe gets two years & is out in six months! How vindicated do you feel?

Look, Nik, I AM NOT telling you to not do this. Ultimately each of us has to determine what works best for us. All I'm trying to do here is give you something to consider...

Your fellow journeyman,
Joel

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#252370 - 10/01/08 01:19 PM Re: Advice - Searching for A Predator [Re: joelRT]
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
Hey Nik, Just this summer I looked into legally going after a camp counselor who molested me. It was during the same years as you state late seventies. My statute of limitations had expired. This happened in Maine. Each state has different laws on this matter. In my twenties I stole my fathers 45 and tracked him to Milwaukee. I found out that he had a wife and two kids. I couldn't go through with it, it's not who I wanted to be. Believe me I understand your anger. I have no advice for you except keep sharing, I'm glad you are here. Pete

_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

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