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#252357 - 10/01/08 12:31 PM can i forgive????
sunwolf Offline


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 225
Loc: Indiana
How can I forgive my perps? Is that needed? Some people say that to leave behind my past or recovering from abuse I need to forgive...In my heart the only ones I would like to forgive is my brother and mother..but its so difficult..(read my story) He was a physical and psychological abuser...my mother I know she did not do it on purpose but i was hurt too...I have such conflicitng feelings...I love my mother...and in a sense my brother too in spite of all...I hate loving my brother but i do...for me it was less painful the sex than when he was physically hurting me...im so confused!!!



Edited by sunwolf (10/01/08 12:31 PM)

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#252360 - 10/01/08 12:51 PM Re: can i forgive???? [Re: sunwolf]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
(((sunwolf)))

I hear you! I don't want to minimize you feelings, but I can't say anything that wasn't discussed in a previous thread better. Take a look at this discussion and I think you will find some answers. This thread is so rich with content, I thought it better just to send you there. Everything from Lewis' similar questions on I think you will connect with.

Peace and love...

Michael


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#252361 - 10/01/08 12:55 PM Re: can i forgive???? [Re: M3]
sunwolf Offline


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 225
Loc: Indiana
Thank you \:\) huggssssssssssss


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#252364 - 10/01/08 01:06 PM Re: can i forgive???? [Re: sunwolf]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
sunwolf,

Michael's link to the other thread is good.

I just want to reiterate that forgiveness is a personal issue. Forgiveness is done for your well-being and healing. Forgiveness has nothing to do with letting the perps off the hook, it has everything to do with letting yourself be free from your own guilt and shame. Again, my favorite quotation: "Acceptance is abandoning all hope of ever having a better past". I try not to think about all of the 'woulda, shoulda, coulda' things in my past. I did the best that I could have done as a kid and as an adult dealing with that past. I have today. What I do today will become my new past.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#252365 - 10/01/08 01:08 PM Re: can i forgive???? [Re: Stephen_5]
sunwolf Offline


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 225
Loc: Indiana
Thanks Stephen_5 ...I am trying also to get to that point where i wont feel ashamed or embarrased...sometimes I feel if i need to forgive then ..was i guilty of wanting to be molested??? I feel the enswer is obvious NOOOO!!! but still i have so much conflicitng feelings


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#252367 - 10/01/08 01:09 PM Re: can i forgive???? [Re: Stephen_5]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Well put Steve. I like that quote.


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#252469 - 10/01/08 08:16 PM Re: can i forgive???? [Re: M3]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Sunwolf,

I struggled with this since I was 14 yo.

Here's a link you may want to look at. I will say that I think there is NO WAY to convince anyone to forgive. It has to come naturally. I also heard that you need to take it a step further and wish them well (if you truly forgive them).

I hope you'll take a look at this as well. I copied it from Rob Bell's NOOMA.COM site:

"Maybe a friend turned their back on you. Maybe someone you loved betrayed you. We all have wounds and we end up carrying around these things that people have done to us for weeks, months, and sometimes even years. It isnít always easy to forgive these people and after a while these hurts can get really heavy. So the only way to feel better seems to be somehow getting back at the people that hurt us, to get revenge. But does revenge ever truly satisfy? Maybe forgiving isnít something you do for someone else to let them off the hook. Maybe forgiveness is about you. God didnít create you to carry these wounds around. God created you to be free." - Rob Bell

_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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