It's getting harder for me to write..but here it goes...

My older brother continued with his sexual advances toward me...
I was 10 now...when i came form school my aunt was still taking care of me...i hated it...
My mother had a miscarriage...someone told her it was a girl...that sent her into a turmoil of sadness and depression..I wanted her to be hapy....I wanted to be that girl she wanted..I was too attached to her...I suffered a lot seing her like that...she continued to treat me as a girl many times...

By this time my brother was 14...almost 15 and started to get more sexual...
We shared the room and he started to get into my bed some nights...he rubed my butt and i sucked him...he started to tell me he wanted to use me in another way..
he wanted to f***k me...
i was afraid...I told him that would hurt..But he was not listening...
One night it hapened...it hurt so much!!!..i was crying...he put his hand over my mouth so my parents will not hear me...he went slowly but it hurt a lot...he kissed my ear as he was having sex with me..i felt dirty and aweful... I didn't want it ...but he did not care..
That was the first of amny others to come...soon he was having me many times soemtimes 2 or 3 times a week...buit he stoed hitng me...i survived...