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#252045 - 09/30/08 07:41 AM What does it mean
josef^61 Offline


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 41
Loc: lancaster Pa.
Coming of age Late in life? I have a idea but need to comfirm what i think it means thanks for the help!


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#252054 - 09/30/08 08:48 AM Re: What does it mean [Re: josef^61]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
That you are a perfectly normal CSA survivor! In regards to all of the important ways, psychologically - emotionnally - spiritually - sexually - etc., most of us don't really begin to move into true adulthood until we begin to aknowledge, to face and to deal with our CSA. Anything we attempt or put in place for our lives prior to this time is just us going through the motions (and hoping the hell we're getting it right).

CSA keeps us trapped in a sort of time warp on a subconscious level. We continue to advance through life from the place & time of our abuse and we assimilate new experiences, we age into adulthood but we never truly grow into adults.

That's the short answer. I can't summerize for you the huge number of books written on the topic or this would go on and on and on...

It has been said here (and debated here as well) how very important it is to connect with our inner child. To reassure him, to love him, to learn from him as well as to teach him so as to guide little me and big me toward full integration into one happy and well adjusted adult. I believe that this is one of major components of the recovery/reconstruction process that helps us get to where it is we want to be.

For me, I want to get to the place of freedom, freedom from the dominance of my past, freedom from its pain, freedom from its confusion, etc. We don't all want he same thing nor for the same reasons as one another. What direction does your coming of age seem to be wanting to lead you in? Go there, that'll be where true healing for you is.

Your fellow journeyman,
Joel

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#252081 - 09/30/08 12:22 PM Re: What does it mean [Re: joelRT]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Josef,

Hadn't thought of it this way:
Quote:
Coming of age Late in life? I have a idea but need to comfirm what i think it means thanks for the help!


As Joel said, that is perfectly normal for CSA survivors. We're all here to support you on this important part of your journey!

Michael


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#252091 - 09/30/08 01:04 PM Re: What does it mean [Re: M3]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi guys, interesting comments above. That boy crying inside me has finally came out, but it has taken him & me 50+ years to do it. Now I understand why I have been an emotional disaster to my wife, Now I know why I always wanted to be a loner, now I know why I had low self esteem, and on and on. But I do love that boy inside and we will attempt to have a better life ahead of us. I know that I am in this web site and these posts with true friends who are willing and able to help me (us)to give that lost boy some peace. Heal well my friends.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#252095 - 09/30/08 01:14 PM Re: What does it mean [Re: petercorbett]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
(((Pete))) and (((Little Pete)))


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#252105 - 09/30/08 01:42 PM Re: What does it mean [Re: M3]
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
I am so happy for this thread. I am new to the site. I have always felt guilty for my inability to grow up in many ways. I am truly a 41 year old teenager. In some ways i feel wise beyond my years. In many circumstances I feel unable to achieve what "normal" people are able to do. My childhood was horrible. my 20s and 30s were lost in a haze of addiction. Things are now trending in a positive way. Heres to a bright future for us all. Pete

_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

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#252116 - 09/30/08 02:00 PM Re: What does it mean [Re: lungfish]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
((lungfish))

In many ways, our little boys are wise beyond their years and those experiences have lead to adults that are wise beyond their years in many ways, as well as talented, creative, caring, etc.

The problem is, that there are areas where we just get stuck, areas where we are still that immature, scared, guilt-ridden, self-hating little boy (or young man). That is difficult for us to come to grips with sometimes because we may have been successful as an adult in other facets of our lives without us realizing the compromises or adjustments we were making to compensate for those areas of our lives.

I'm happy that you are finally connecting and things are trending in a positive way!!

I second Pete's toast to a bright future for us all!! Thanks Pete.

Peace and love...

Michael


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#252167 - 09/30/08 04:37 PM Re: What does it mean [Re: M3]
josef^61 Offline


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 41
Loc: lancaster Pa.
Wow I couldn't of said it any better then all you have done!
i do believe i am at that crossroads i believe that is where i am at. I was sitting here the other night and it just dawned on me I am a father to my child but at the same time i am not I am that little boy that doesn't get along with her. I tease and do all the things to tantalize her and it just goes back and forth. I realize that is the boy in me and i guess that is why daughter dosen't see the father with authority image. At the same time i am facing many new thoughts and feelings and i am more possitive in my thoughts Although i do still get depressed and lonely. It doesn't control me as it once did. I still get that down and desperate feeling. I realize its ok to angry at my parents and finally although i am trapped in a marriage but i will try to make it work out but finally knowing my sexuality and who i am and much more feeling comfortable with it!


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