Food was a huge issue in my family. My dad was overweight and ate everything in sight, his aunt was anorexic, his father forced food on people, my sister's got some kind of eating disorder, and I've just finally put on some weight in the last few years. I still have swings where I can only eat "clean" foods, everything veggie, no fat, organic--and then I'll go eat a bacon cheeseburger. I remember the first time my therapist told me I was playing games to keep myself from feeling. I got so angry with him, that he would even think this was some kind of game. And perhaps there was a better word he could have used with me, but now that I'm aware that what I'm doing is just trying to make myself clean because I felt dirty, make myself skinny so I'll be attractive, make myself different from my fat abusive father, now I can try to feel or accept myself as I am just a little bit.
You're a good person. It was what was done to you. I accept you.
"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17