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#251400 - 09/27/08 09:05 AM takers vs. givers
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Okay, guys. For those who haven't met me yet, I am fairly new to the recovery process. Just began to acknowledge some of my abuse 3 mos ago; gradually more memories are coming out.

Anyway, my thoughts are kind of everywhere these days, going in every direction. I've tried to think/remember about ties/relationships with my abusers, and about my childhood in general. One line of thought I had was, how did my abusers reel me in?

Being in my mid/late-40's, I'm sure many of you guys remember when Hot Wheels came out in 1968. When I was a kid, I was big into Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars (actually still have my "collection" and add to it pretty regularly, especially when I find a VW!). Anyway, had this thought: What if some of those came from abusers, as "gifts" to either "endear" them to me, or to keep me quiet? I thought about this and cannot remember even one of these bastards giving me anything but pain. All of these people were takers. None even tried to pretend they had something to give.

I know this is rambling...kind of a stream of consciousness thing. Sorry. I was just wondering if most of us have similar experiences. I know I've read some posts relating that others have had abusers who treated them nicely to get what they wanted.

Thoughts?

FT

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

Top
#251409 - 09/27/08 09:28 AM Re: takers vs. givers [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Quťbec, Canada
Hey FT,

You are doing what it is we all do at the beginning of our recovery process - focusing on the abuser(s) in the past. Recovery is about you in the now, today.

As we journey on, it becomes absolutly essential for our peace of mind and quietude of heart to unravel the complexities of our history so as to better understand ourselves. We all of us require the answer to the Why? question. Perfectly natural. The trick is to keep a balance between sorting out the past and its impact on today without becoming trapped in that very past. To much focus on the abuser can cause this to happen.

Your recovery is not about your abuser (I know, I'm repeating myself), your recovery is about you. Journey on, my good man, journey on...

Your fellow journeyman,
Joel

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#251580 - 09/28/08 06:59 AM Re: takers vs. givers [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
I'm new here and still very much at the beginning, but he is my take on it.

I was reeled in, sucked in, duped, and groomed by a predator well versed in how to do it. He met my needs in order to meet his. Then he took advantage. I have struggled balancing the positives with the negatives, and as I get older there are more negatives in my mind than positives. I still hold on to the positives, like music. The rest is a daily struggle.

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#252488 - 10/01/08 08:57 PM Re: takers vs. givers [Re: Geeders]
oriolesguy Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 106
Loc: Long Island, NY
FT,

Givers and takers? All of life has those. But what was stolen from me by my perps is something I am now fighting to get back. And I do have every right to fight to get myself back.

Take your body back. Take your heart back. And take your soul back. Those are what was taken, and they belong to you. Then you can give them away - freely, to someone you choose.

I'm still fighting to reclaim. This site helps a lot. I think we realize what we have to do - reclaim, recover - it just takes time. Talk it out here - and keep your focus. Everyone's with you.

Oriolesguy


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#252494 - 10/01/08 09:30 PM Re: takers vs. givers [Re: oriolesguy]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Thank you for your thoughts, guys. Still trying to process it all. My mind is going in 15 different directions constantly.

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

Top


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