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#250905 - 09/24/08 01:56 PM recovery and anxiety
sunwolf Offline


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 225
Loc: Indiana
H...I am rather new to this board...I am a recovering vicitm of child abuse...i am going to a therapist that is very good but i find myself very very anxious most days...I been suffering form anxiety since i was a little boy...when something triggers me i start to have sweaty hands...hiperventialte...sometimes i shake...i want to go and hide...i dont know what makes me so afraid...i am an adult now...why am stil feeling like this?..sometimes i fear am going to get punsihed again without any reason...i am afraid of big bullies of violent men...i dont like conflict or anything that smells to a confrontation... i wish i could hide and let time pass...


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#250911 - 09/24/08 02:47 PM Re: recovery and anxiety [Re: sunwolf]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Since you are in recovery and working on your issues, the emotions you experienced as a boy are very raw and easily brought to the surface of your awareness. Recovery takes time. You'll need to process these emotions and the memories from your childhood and understand how this has effected your adulthood and put that back together too.

You'll find that axiety, sweaty hands, hyperventilating, shaking, wanting to hide, being afraid, being intimidated by other men, avoiding conflict and confrontation, etc. are all common among CSA survivors. I can attest to the fact that I experienced ALL of these for a long time - decades in fact.

Hang in there, trust in the process, keep talking, keep writing and we'll be right here to support you in any way we can.

Peace and love...

Michael


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#250992 - 09/24/08 11:43 PM Re: recovery and anxiety [Re: M3]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hey sunwolf, welcome Bro

At the start of my journey what helped was just a few word's, "how could you feel any other way"

Sounds like so very many Survivor's I've talked to.

Of course you feel that way sunwolf, sounds so very very normal to me, but then my childhood sucked shit.

Stay strong
Mike





Edited by mogigo (09/24/08 11:44 PM)
_________________________
Thriving

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#250997 - 09/25/08 12:32 AM Re: recovery and anxiety [Re: sunwolf]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home

One thing that really works for me is deep breathing, and meditation. Plus physically relaxing my body, as that helps relax my muscles and release the anxiety, and then mental telling myself, "It is ok", as if reassuring my inner child that it really is.

As for the fear of being bullied etc, take them up one by one, as an when you get ready to do so. For me personally anger has been a wonderful help in that regards, once I stopped judging my anger as a bad that is. It not helped me, stand up to the bullies, but also start asserting myself gradually so that no one even thinks of misbehaving any more.

Now I am learning to respect my anger, and treat it as a guide, and respond to it quickly, and thus I no longer fear being judged as being an angry person.

This has also been a part of learning to accept, all that I am, unconditionally, which is all about self love!

\:\)



_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#251022 - 09/25/08 10:05 AM Re: recovery and anxiety [Re: Morning Star]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
sunwolf, i spent many years unaware of just how intense my own anxiety was and how it affected my life. it is good that you are in touch with that. i think many people have anxiety and do not recognize it, especially when functioning outside the box of their own comfort zone.

it's something you can grow out of with time and practice. there are a lot of good comments already stated.

i have found that since i started studying karate, my own anxiety seems less necessary. it's not that i am afraid someone is going to 'get' me. it seems my fear of people arose partially because of a general sense of defenselessness, as a result of many factors that inhibited the natural integration of self-confidence into my personality in my early formative years. i was always a short, shy, invisible kid growing up, and naturally felt threatened by everything!

anyway, it's not so much now. what makes it even more interesting, is that where i used to get a sense that danger was lurking nearby, i now have techniques to protect myself in the event that someone would try to impose themselves on me in any way against my will. i now feel confident that even if i could not 'take them', i could at least disarm them with the element of 'surprise', and use self-defense tactics that would at least buy me time to escape the danger. that is very empowering, and releases a lot of invisible subconscious fear; fear that i had been unaware of through the years.

it's very liberating as well, and i feel i have 'caught up' with a lot of the development of my inner child who had formerly been neglected in self-esteem appropriation in the formative years.

well, really, what years are NOT formative years? you really never stop growing. the point is, i feel much stronger and more confident than ever.

good luck with your recovery. you'll see, things will work out for you. you've got everything you need already inside of you to help that to happen. as you honor your own process you will begin to see amazing results.

your brother in recovery,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#251026 - 09/25/08 10:38 AM Re: recovery and anxiety [Re: sunwolf]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
I know it all to well. Until you've worked through your issues in therapy, these symptoms will persist. But understand that what you are experiencing are symptoms and not a malady. Resolve the core issues and the symptoms resolve themselves.

That being said, you can benefit from a medical support while going through this - you don't have to white-knuckle it. Talk to your therapist and/or your doctor, what you are describing are classic symptoms of Anxiety Disorder and a temporary medical assist can go a long way to helping you in your recovery process.

Me? I can't say that the meds saved me, but they sure helped keep me balanced while I straightened myself out.

Joel

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#251418 - 09/27/08 10:17 AM Re: recovery and anxiety [Re: joelRT]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Hi Sunwolf,
Yep it's the old guy again. Maybe if you can read the book Victims No More, but beware it will hurt, it will more than likely take you deeper into yourself and it will help show the way out. We all suffer in various ways and we all have to try and choose the various posts to help us in dealing with the long lost boy in all of us. We all need understanding, we all need compassion and we all need each others love and we will find it in this web site and on various pages. Heal well my friend.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#251582 - 09/28/08 08:18 AM Re: recovery and anxiety [Re: petercorbett]
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Michael,

I know where you are coming from but I had no idea I had anxiety. I denied or suppressed all of my feelings for years and anxiety was just one of them. I have to say it is hard to face all of our demons at once so just take it easy and overcome them one at a time. Anxiety drove me to do some crazy things, it rattles your cage and I mood altered to get through it. I used beer, sex, porn, video games, you name it if it can take you away from the anxiety I used it. Now that I am taking medication and aware of the problem, with the help of God, I have been doing very well, so victory is possible.

Hang in there and welcome,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#251591 - 09/28/08 09:13 AM Re: recovery and anxiety [Re: sunwolf]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I can relate to this anxiety especially the part about bullies and violence, manly men(stereotypical) and authority figures. There was many arguments in my home growing up and I was confronted by my dad, an alcoholic quite a lot. So I don't like confrontation.
Although I have moved past much of this in therapy I still have anxiety and have to take medication for it. Its really out of my control due to moderate concussion which the anxiety now is caused by. I find that taking time to examine what triggered it and weather its a real threat or a reaction of my past a great help.
I think if you can challenge your core beliefs you will find some relief. Its hard work and will pay off in that you can take some control back. This is what worked for me, maybe it will help you. BTW I still don't like violence or confrontation. When confronted I handle it much better than I did before therapy. As far as violence I have not encountered any in many years so right now it does not seem to be an issue. Also I still don't feel calm around people arguing and I try to distance myself from such situations.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#251692 - 09/28/08 09:21 PM Re: recovery and anxiety [Re: GateKPR4]
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
Hey Sunwolf, I can totally relate to your anxiety symptoms. I get it so bad sometimes that I puke my guts out very violently. I am just beginning to be able to have adequate responses to threatening people. It used to be fight or flight, mostly flight. The problem was when it was fight, it was more like try to kill because I stuffed so much crap down. I am finally starting to be able to confront people in a calm manner about their behavior and it is very empowering to be able to do so and have no expectations about their response. Sometimes flight is still the best option, some people are not worth it. Thanks for your post. Pete

_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

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#252029 - 09/30/08 01:46 AM . [Re: lungfish]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:23 PM)

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#252109 - 09/30/08 01:47 PM Re: recovery and anxiety [Re: lungfish]
sunwolf Offline


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 225
Loc: Indiana
I am not good at confronting people am getting better now


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#252119 - 09/30/08 02:04 PM Re: recovery and anxiety [Re: sunwolf]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Yeah sunwolf, that's a tough one to conquer. Role playing with friends really works well. I've put together a support network of friends that know about the CSA and therapy and help me. If I need to do something I'm scared to do, we'll do a role playing activity. Doesn't keep me from being scared, but it helps me be prepared to articulate what I need to say. (I also carry notes on index cards so I don't forget things - fear still has a tendency to wipe my memory so I forget what I'm supposed to be saying sometimes).

Peace and love...

Michael


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