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#250870 - 09/24/08 10:40 AM What to expect as a partner during recovery
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
My H has taken the brave step of admitting that he needs help. He is now on anti-depressants and will soon begin his own therapy (for now he is coming with me to my therapist). He has started to read up on depression and anxiety, and has begun to talk more openly about the abuse he suffered. I am so very proud of his commitment to wanting to get better for himself and for us.

But, I know the road won't be an easy one. He worries that he may be in therapy and on medication for the rest of his life. He knows the journey will be long, and I worry about his "staying" power. Though I am proud of him, I struggle with how I feel about all of this.

I know many of you have supported your survivors on this journey and was hoping you might share some insight into what to expect and also how I might be able to support my husband during this time.

_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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#250913 - 09/24/08 02:53 PM Re: What to expect as a partner during recovery [Re: Junefriday]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
I have been all over the world, and I hold no journey more precious than my inward journey.

Let me qualify that I am no therapist.

So, the question is, "How do I support my husband".

Number one, I would tell him not to worry about the length of therapy or medication.

Number two, You both need to let go of the past. There is really no room for, he said...she said (conficts between you both, up until this point.) Easier said than done, but my point is to live in today. The excess baggage,get's heavy whether you both know your carring it. (or not).

In my relationship, (if in conflict).I try really hard to clarify what my issues are. Is this just a misundertanding? So many definitions/meanings for the same word/phrase. Sometimes it comes down to how it's said, facial expressions, moods of the receiver...etc (bottom line is... English language is not my friend...clarify...repeat...clarify...repeat...

And then, what is the solution. For example, If you don't like the way I squeeze the toothpaste. Maybe, the solution is simply solved by buying two tubes. Problem solved...yeaaaaaa...!!!

I guess my point is, reducing all other conflict will focus your recovery on healing as a couple.



Stay connected (hug often)

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#250922 - 09/24/08 04:39 PM Re: What to expect as a partner during recovery [Re: 1islandboy]
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
Thanks Islandboy-these are really good suggestions! I appreciate them very much.

_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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#250944 - 09/24/08 07:50 PM Re: What to expect as a partner during recovery [Re: Junefriday]
cstjude Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Hi June,

The best resource I've come across on "what you might expect" is a book called "If the Man You Love Was Abused: A Couple's Guide to Healing" by Browne and Browne. It was suggested to me by another F & F participant and it is written for you both. But it helped me profoundly. I hope it is a source of good information, hope, and healing for you too.

C.

_________________________
C.
Female, Friends & Family Forum Fan

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#251306 - 09/26/08 08:08 PM Re: What to expect as a partner during recovery [Re: cstjude]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
June,

I'm so glad your husband is seeking the help he needs and yes, it will be hard and there will be times when he wants to chuck it all. My b/f gets like that sometimes but then he and his T agree on a break of 1 or 2 weeks so he can get his bearings back. It's a chance for him to breathe and by the time his next appointment rolls around, he's ready to go back to work.

You're husband will not only be dealing with the csa, but everything that it's polluted in his life which will mean alot of self examination - something that isn't easy for any of us. You'll go through it too. As your husband makes changes within himself you'll probably find yourself having to adjust your own behavior and thoughts - all in a good way and moving toward a healthier, happier marriage. Even good change is not easy, but the fact that you're here and your both working for that good change is a wonderful thing.

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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