Newest Members
Anony_mous, Drew6991x, Miro, jj843, The Abyss
12364 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Bear (42), BoyNoMore (56), Daniel_05 (40), James Landrith (44), john kay (41)
Who's Online
4 registered (lostsoul824, Jim1961, pattom, wearytraveler), 28 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12364 Members
74 Forums
63542 Topics
443967 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#25043 - 11/28/02 10:56 AM Holiday: Hell-uva-day or Holy-day?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
This post is overdue. The U.S. holiday season, extending from Thanksgiving thru New Year, triggers me in multiple ways & more than any other holidays.

Actually this year & last it started with 9-11 went on thru my October birthday & just kept on going.

Also, every year "the holiday season" music, trim & advertising (in July, for God's sake!?) begin earlier every year; thus, for me, so does the season itself, to some extent.

For most of my life starting the day I was born, each holiday has been more like a "hell-uva-day", especially in this "holiday season".

I know it relates to my SA, which is only magnified by what for many people are happy days. I do wonder if there isn't more to it than that.

Only in the last year & a half have I started to recall my SA memories clearly--but so far its mostly only the events, usually the people, but very rarely the setting. So whether some of my abuse incidents happened on holidays I don't know, tho I suspect yes.

Over Christmas my family & I will be spending a couple of days in Manhattan near my birthplace (which happens to be very close to Ground Zero). This is where all my abuse began, in infancy.

After my therapy breakthrough a few months ago, I thot this trip was something I wanted not needed to do. I was wrong. It's both. I've still got demons to face, and I think that's at least one major place & time to do it.

However I do not fear this; I look forward to it, and anticipate it being a therapeutic and even an enjoyable pilgrimage.

The same is true of this holiday season. Thanks to the therapy, my massages & chiropractic, meds, church, and most of all my very supportive & patient wife (for about 23 years) and daughters (for over 19 & 18 years).

Holidays have been at least increasingly bearable since they blessed my life, and there have been times I've actually enjoyed them for a while.

This year we all plan to enjoy the whole season and the whole of life as much as possible. With all the support I'm getting, including here, I know I can do it.

For this holiday season, one day at a time, each holiday will be not a hell-uva-day but a holy-day. That is after all what the word really means!

Happy Holy-Days to you all! Starting with a Happy Day of Thanks-giving (even in England, you "chaps" over there! :p ;\) \:D ).

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#25044 - 11/28/02 11:16 AM Re: Holiday: Hell-uva-day or Holy-day?
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Wuame,
The holidays have been a very difficult time for me as well. Between the abuse and then my family basically telling me to go to hell and me telling them to go to hell, it has been anything but a good day for me. Now this year, even though we had stopped all contact for the past 10 years because of the monster in our family, my mom is no longer around. That's a little different and not quite sure why but it is. I've kind of felt the sadness and stress level increasing because of it. So it is a time that I tend to look forward to getting past, and not necessarily getting to. My celebration tends to begin the day after Christmas or at least it has in the past.

This year I was invited over to spend thanksgiving with some of my classmates. So Jeff and I are going. It will be a good thing I think. Like you, I've been trying to reclaim some of this stuff, but usually it zaps the hell out of me before I can focus on where I am at.

And if all else fails, I know that I can come back home, grab my teddy bear, curl up in a ball and just cry.....

And otherwise, I will just try to enjoy the day...

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#25045 - 11/28/02 08:01 PM Re: Holiday: Hell-uva-day or Holy-day?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Don:

I have no contact with my family of origin, meaning my mother, or the few other family members I know of, since I recalled my SA last year. Didn't have much before that, for many years. Except a couple of years leading up to last year, trying to reconcile with my mother.

For me I guess this involves more joy than sadness, becuz our family has always been small & not close, and mother was my main perp. Maybe I don't miss what I never had. In spite (or becuz of) the long incestuous relationship with my mother, I never considered us close, certainly not in any good sense, tho I longed for it.

The longing is gone, even for Little Wuame I think. Tho there is some grief at the sense of what I missed, I suppose. Too wrapped up in my family of creation, and my wife's family, to be very concerned about it.

Don, I hope you have (had) a great Thanksgiving. Sometimes friends make the best family. And if you do need or want to come home & spend some time crying with teddy, you could do worse! I have a few stuffed Taz's (I'm a Tazzmaniac!) and we've done some good cryin & growlin together.

Take care my friend

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#25046 - 11/28/02 08:09 PM Re: Holiday: Hell-uva-day or Holy-day?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Scotty:

My wife's family has pretty much become my family, even tho we only see them once maybe twice a year becuz of distance. In fact her sister, husband & three kids are here for Thanksgiving, thru the weekend. Along with our two daughters from college.

Due to my conditions this does tend to cause me some stress, but my wife has grown to understand to let me have my space, and I try to be supportive & not too spaced out. Usually I even find some enjoyment. This year, so far so good!

"Create safety around me and hold onto safe thots." That's good for the holidays & all days. Thanks Scotty. Take care.

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#25047 - 11/30/02 02:51 PM Re: Holiday: Hell-uva-day or Holy-day?
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
In the past I use to love the holidays. For the most part, I use to love to see all my extended family. But this weekend was far from what I remember as a kid. My aunt and uncle came in from San Diego for Thanksgiving dinner. They're staying with us until Sunday. That means I have to forfeit my room for 4 nights. I hven't slept well and with more people around the house my stress level has risen dramatically. I feel like I'm in crisis mode again. Everything seemed so peaceful with me earlier in the week but now I feel like I'm struggling to survive. Thanksgiving use to be my favorite holiday but now I'm not sure what to make of it. Thanks for letting me share this.
mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

Top
#25048 - 11/30/02 03:40 PM Re: Holiday: Hell-uva-day or Holy-day?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Mike:

Have you been accustomed to having a houseful for Thanksgiving like this before, or is this the first time (or is there something very different about this time)?

Me, I've had to do this off & on, during holidays in general, for years; when I haven't I've usually been one of the many others crammed into another relative's house.

Before my marriage I was not used to this at all. My family was abusive but it was very small. I've never liked holidays anyway but this is another dimension of that.

I'm learning to work better with it. But I've had lots of practice. And I've got a long way to go. We've had 9 people in this house since Thursday & will thru Sunday. I've had a lot of pain & its been nervewracking at times.

Right now besides the pain I'm doing ok. But that's becuz they've all gone to a movie except my oldest who's in the other room studying. \:D

Mike my thots are with you in this. I empathize, brother.

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#25049 - 11/30/02 06:02 PM Re: Holiday: Hell-uva-day or Holy-day?
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Wuame,
I am use to this. But before I was just a carefree, innocent kid. Now I have issues or at least I realize that I have issues that I have to deal with. Having to keep it hidden is another issue that is troubling. I sit at the dinner table and I don't really say anything. I have a hard time getting into the conversation. All I can think about is myself and all my problems. Plus the lack of sleep is really getting to me. I feel like my nick name really holds true right now. I just need some time to myself.

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

Top
#25050 - 11/30/02 07:31 PM Re: Holiday: Hell-uva-day or Holy-day?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Mike I relate to what you're talking about & I empathize with you. I use a sleep apnea machine, but lately it isn't helping as much or I can't use it becuz it hurts my face too much to put it on--the fibromyalgia.

In a way I want to tell our visiting family (at least the brother in law, whom I've talked fairly intimately with before) about my abuse & stuff. But like you I dont', and I just want to isolate, tho I know I can't keep doing that. It's not me; I'm no monk or hermit.

Mike, I hope you/we can get some peace & rest. Take care of yourself.

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.