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#256318 - 10/19/08 02:38 PM Re: confused bi [Re: KENKEN]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
take care of yourself dusty
I am glad you have done what you have so far
this is a great place for support from others that care and know about abuse from experience.

There are no wrong or right ways to proceed but just the courage to do so.

Hugs Michael

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#256336 - 10/19/08 04:29 PM Re: confused bi [Re: sunwolf]
Puzzled Offline


Registered: 08/30/08
Posts: 18
I am in the same boat as all of you. Was sexually abused by my older brother.I guess I am Bi but when I have had sex with men there is no love or feeling its sexual only. When its with women I do have feelngs of love and its not just sexual. So at this point I have had 0 sex and I am totally confused. I have been in therapy for 17 months and on my next visit I will begin talking about this.I am in no rush at this point because I really want to be as sure as I can before I become sexual who knows I may not.I feel like I am clearing a path for myself through a jungle. THANKS GUYS - Mike


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#256432 - 10/20/08 03:08 AM Re: confused bi [Re: KENKEN]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 03:01 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

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#256433 - 10/20/08 03:23 AM Re: confused bi [Re: dusty42]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 03:00 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

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#256630 - 10/21/08 02:46 AM Re: confused bi [Re: dusty42]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 02:59 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

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#256698 - 10/21/08 01:35 PM Re: confused bi [Re: dusty42]
sunwolf Offline


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 225
Loc: Indiana
I guess there can be sex without love or attachment...love is more than liking someone..i do like males and am attracted to them, but there is something missing, the love the infatuation, etc...sometimes i tihnk that with a female am more caring and loving...but latetly i been feeling the same for males...but with a male i need caring, loving etc...it is like with a male i feel more female...confused? me too!!!


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#256702 - 10/21/08 02:00 PM Re: confused bi [Re: sunwolf]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Sorry sunwolf, but I think so many of us come out of CSA so confused. I always worry about my friends that go into relationships because the sex was good, or sleep around to be fulfilled physically and then long for the emotional.

I don't know what to tell you, I wish I did. Sometimes the more I think I figure this out for myself, the more confusing it becomes. The only thing I know, is that sex is better if you have the emotional attachment to the person so you can feel safe and free to be yourself. Don't worry about who it is, just know that when you find it, you hold on to it and cherish it.

Peace and love...

Michael


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#256873 - 10/22/08 12:16 AM Re: confused bi [Re: M3]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 02:58 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

Top
#257347 - 10/24/08 12:55 AM Re: confused bi [Re: dusty42]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
For anyone dealing with identity or orientation confusion...
the first place to start is dealing with the abuse & the trauma that you experienced with a good T

This is from a post in a different thread

The following is from a book called: Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician by Joe Kort, MSW.

Quote:
There is a link between early sexual trauma and later sexual acting out which can include same-sex behaviour, but it has nothing to do with orientation. After psychotherapy helps clear away the trauma, the imprinted sexual behaviour often subsides and the client's true orientation - gay or straight - can surface.


Hope this helps

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#257370 - 10/24/08 06:54 AM Re: confused bi [Re: ineffable]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Guys,

Following up on Craig's comment I'd like to emphasize the way he stressed the need for a "good T". Read: "open-minded and experienced". There are lots of Ts out there who deal with childhood trauma issues but don't have the experience or perspective necessary to deal with a guy who is having serious problems with his sexual identity.

I have said this before, but here it comes again - maybe it's worth hearing again. I don't believe for a second that there is a dichotomy between "straight" and "gay". Our sexuality is such a personal thing, and in a room of ten guys you would probably find ten different sexual perspectives, with reference to so many social, ethical and sexual issues.

Asking if these ten guys are straight or gay makes no more sense to me than asking are they rich or poor. It's just not the right question; it reflects the fears, anxieties and prejudice of a basically homophobic social tradition: it's a question that reflects false "them" v. "us" thinking, and it forces us into shoehorning our own thinking into options and choices that, however reassuring for others, might be no good for us.

My own struggle with this issue came to this conclusion some time ago, and it's one I have been content with ever since. Ask yourself these three questions:

1. Am I being honest with myself about my sexual feelings?
2. Am I being open and honest with my sexual partner(s)?
3. Do I feel sexually fulfilled?

If you can answer "yes" to all three questions then, hey, you're just fine and who cares what others say or think. If you can't say "yes", on the other hand, then perhaps that shows you where further work might be useful.

Just some thoughts.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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