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#250180 - 09/18/08 12:59 PM Boyhood Shadows
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
I'll be at the event this Monday. We're all very excited about the film and many friends of MaleSurvivor make an appearance.


New local film breaks silence - Victims of male sexual abuse tell their stories


By DAVE NORDSTRAND
The Salinas Californian

The rarest of documentaries, one that explores unflinchingly the sexual abuse of boys and the consequences of that abuse, will have a benefit premiere Monday, Sept. 22, in Monterey.

Called "Boyhood Shadows: 'I Swore I'd Never Tell,' " the event's proceeds will go to the Monterey County Rape Crisis Center's Child Abuse Prevention Education Program.

"This film won't stop the sexual victimization of boys," Stephen Braveman said. "But it does emphasize that men who've suffered this abuse can and should speak up. Help is available. These men can and do heal."

A Monterey therapist who appears in the film, Braveman has worked extensively with men who were victims of such abuse, especially those who gather at the Rape Crisis Center's Men's Survivor's Group.

"Boyhood Shadows" is a documentary by filmmakers Terri DeBono and Steve Rosen — founders of Mac and Ava Motion Pictures in Monterey — in association with the Rape Crisis Center.

"The subject of sexual molestation of boys is so sensitive that, when it comes up, a common reaction is for people to hold their hands over their ears and hum real loud," Rosen said.

Denial, in a word.

Yet people who have previewed "Boyhood Shadows" felt comfortable with the film's approach and enlightened by its contents, he said.

"We want to emphasize that the abuser is not some guy in a dirty raincoat in an alley," Rosen said. "It can be a coach. It can be an uncle, a priest, a scout leader.

"We don’t want people to be afraid. We just want parents to be aware."

Because one in six boys is sexually molested by age 16, according to research done by the filmmakers, the warning is urgent.

Victims feel shame, anger

In the film, in nerve-wrenching sequences, the men detail what impacts sexual abuse has had on them, long-term and immediate.

They've suffered everything from addiction to drugs and alcohol to mental illness.

They've been homelessness, felt alienated, suffered family strife and broken marriages.

Shame, anger and the thought of revenge have flared in their souls.

Many experts compare the aftershocks of abuse to the post-traumatic stress disorder that plagues many combat veterans long after they've returned to civilian life.

While several survivors of sexual abuse tell their stories in the film, Glenn Kulik, abused violently and repeatedly at age 10 by the uncle of a good friend, provides the central narrative.

Kulik, now 48, is from Los Angeles, but he regularly flies to Monterey to take part in Braveman's men’s group.

Kulik describes the agony of the abuse he suffered as akin "to being stabbed in the brain."

As a teen, he sought to mute the pain with drugs and alcohol. As an adult, he took to the streets. He lived an addict's life.

'Haunted by the past'

Much of his story is told through interviews with family members, who watched their loved one's hazardous downward spiral while oblivious to its cause.

Going public with the long-hidden secret of abuse is no easy step, but the risk is worth it, Kim Allyn said. A deputy with the Santa Cruz County Sheriff's Department, the 56-year-old Allyn was abused as an 8-year-old by a priest.

"To get the word out means to create awareness and understanding," he said.
Corral de Tierra resident Marla Young, an associate producer of the documentary, sat in on several interviews.

"I had to fight back the tears," she said. "You see the pain through a child's eye. It's raw. It's amazing for them to step forward."

Young's former husband, TV newsman Allen Martin, appears in the film. Martin is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

Martin worked for KSBW-TV and later as an anchor for KION-TV in Salinas before being hired by KPIX-TV, Channel 5, in San Francisco as a reporter and anchor.
He and Young divorced recently after 22 years of marriage, "haunted by the past," Young said.

In "Boyhood Shadows," Martin tells of his abuse by an older student.

"It leaves you with so much anger and depression," he said.

To help deal with the residual pain, he drank, he said.

"It got worse and worse," he said. "I was in therapy. Sometimes, I still slip into that feeling that I need to be drugged."

Taboo topic

Clare Mounteer, director the Monterey County Rape Crisis Center, applauds the courage of Martin, Kulik, Allyn and all who tell their stories in the film.

"Sexual abuse of boys is still a topic that's pretty much taboo," Mounteer said.

"Women have society's permission to step forth and reveal it."

Society, though, doesn't allow men to express their emotions, she said.

"Yet once you see this film, you'll have your eyes open to something you were unaware of," Mounteer said.

Several men in the film attend the Men's Survivor's Group. That only a few such groups exist in the world speaks to the need for more public attention to the problem, Braveman said.

Several misconceptions hang over the entire issue, he said.

One is that males are tough, and even if they were molested, they should get over it.

That's, of course, false, he said.

Another is the "vampire syndrome," meaning once a boy is sexually abused, he will necessarily go on to be a pedophile, Braveman. That, too, is false, he said.

Hoping to inspire viewers

Besides helping to dispel such misconceptions, he hopes the film achieves other objectives.

He hopes it prompts any man suffering the aftermath of such abuse to seek help. He hopes the documentary prompts at least one therapist to start a men’s group-style effort where none exists.

Keeping in mind that the typical pedophile molests an average of 117 children,

Braveman offers one additional goal: "Maybe a pedophile who sees this film will think twice and not molest again," he said.


http://www.boyhoodshadows.org


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#250190 - 09/18/08 02:42 PM Re: Boyhood Shadows [Re: Curtis St. John]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Quote:
Keeping in mind that the typical pedophile molests an average of 117 children,


OH GOD


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#250219 - 09/18/08 07:00 PM Re: Boyhood Shadows [Re: Curtis St. John]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
i deeply appreciate the work that went into this article, and the contributions that it will make toward educating the public on the subject.
Quote:
haunted by the past

that was my whole life up until recently. then thankfully something changed. still, i must admit, i do sometimes find myself thinking with nostalgia about how the story might have gone differently. then thankfully, i wake up from that daydream.

living in acceptance mode has been the best medicine for my coming to terms with a sordid past.

one comment i want to make; i realize there was limited space and that economy of words is always a consideration when composing these types of essays. however, if i could have added anything to it, it would have been to portray the spectrum of abuse with a bit wider range. by now we certainly realize that abuse is not perpetrated only by the stranger in a trenchcoat.

and it is well known that priests have become infamous as potential predators. the perps mentioned are already steroetypes that have been portrayed throughout the past 20-30 years whenever the media has spoken on the subject. but what about those of us who are or were abused by siblings, older friends of the neighborhood growing up, raped by random strangers, the less obvious abusers. more focus could be placed on the the variety of abuse situations, to better show that it is happening closer to home than they may want to admit.

there is definitely more to it than meets the eye, and society deserves nothing less than the whole picture of how this social dis-ease wreaks its havoc on the soul of its children, the stewards of the succeeding generation.

regarding seeing the film and possibly being deterred from abusing: i hope that is true, but i seriously doubt it. the act of abuse is not about sex and getting off. it's about a compulsive lust for power that must be satisfied at all costs to the both victim and the perpetrator.

god that makes me sick just thinking about it.

keep on talking! never stopping!

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#250253 - 09/19/08 07:41 AM Re: Boyhood Shadows [Re: Sans Logos]
pluckmemory Offline


Registered: 03/27/08
Posts: 562
I am looking forward to seeing this movie. Thank you so much for the heads up.


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#250266 - 09/19/08 09:46 AM Re: Boyhood Shadows [Re: pluckmemory]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
I'm wondering what we here can do to further this awareness, to partner with the film-makers to make something bigger. For example:

1. Lobby the local public TV station to air it

2. Set up appropriate follow-up meetings for survivors, partners of survivors and interested persons after a local showing. In other words, if this movie really moves people, don't let them just walk away. Connect them to the local appropriate resources.
These could be short, one-time events after the movie or on-going in some manner.

3. Address the different roles here. Survivors, partners of survivors, people who want to promote change (what change exactly?)

Each of these is a really big task, but who's going to do it but us? And we don't really want to but what if we don't? More boys abused.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#250268 - 09/19/08 10:10 AM Re: Boyhood Shadows [Re: LandOfShadow]
pluckmemory Offline


Registered: 03/27/08
Posts: 562
Perhaps urge SNAP to get behind it as well.

There was a documentary two years ago - I think it was called "Deliver us From Evil" about the victims of a priest in California. It went on to be nominated for an Academy Award. It did well. There is a market for this.

Incidentally, Kim Allyn, the deputy sheriff in Boyhood Shadows who was molested, is also a bodybuilder and was Mr. California. I am wondering if this was a way for him to distance or protect himself from the memories. If you build your body up to be really strong as an adult, that could be a way to protect the vulnerable little kid inside who was molested. Of course, adding layers of muscle could have been a way to shield and distance himself from the little kid inside. Anyone have any thoughts on this ?


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#250288 - 09/19/08 04:34 PM Re: Boyhood Shadows [Re: pluckmemory]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I hope the film will receive wide distribution.

I would like to see it and I would like my (adult) kids to see it also.

There are many other ways to overcompensate for a wounded inner child. Some might become a famous scientist or a professor. Some might have a TV talk show. Some might be a millionaire. Some might be a movie star.

Allen

puffer


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#250290 - 09/19/08 04:38 PM Re: Boyhood Shadows [Re: pufferfish]
pluckmemory Offline


Registered: 03/27/08
Posts: 562
Or a President.


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#250334 - 09/20/08 07:37 AM Re: Boyhood Shadows [Re: pluckmemory]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Originally Posted By: pluckmemory
Or a President.


That would explain a whole lot...

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#250336 - 09/20/08 08:19 AM Re: Boyhood Shadows [Re: LandOfShadow]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Ah! so much to say!

SNAP is involved they have a great line in there where one of the advocates was a part of the biggest settlement in history and asks, "Tell me where I can cash this check to get my childhood back."

I'm working with the producers to put together educational packages to be sent out with a copy of the film.

If you're in the NY area, we'll (eventually) be having a showing here in the Westchester County area with a Q&A panel discussion.

And I would be very happy to have local folks host screenings as well... perhaps we could put together a package for such events which includes press release information, a copy of the film, etc...

I would even travel to as many as I could!

alright, gotta run! Keep the ideas coming.


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