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#25007 - 10/19/03 05:03 PM Nightime
FlyWM Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
I have been afraid of the dark and of night as long as I can remember. When I lie down to try to sleep or rest at night, I sleep with a pillow over my eyes and am terrified to take it off or even to open my eyes at night, or roll over to see behind me, I always feel a "presence" behind me, kinda odd, and terrifying. Also at night I am scared to move to do anything but breathe, may not seem to make sense, and it doesn't totally to me either, but last night some bits and pieces of memories came back, not whole memories, but snipets, like movie trailers almost and has made me see why I am so scared, I do not really even remember the snipets of the memories, all I remeber is that I finally feel like this doesn't make me crazy. But also it terrifies me, I was so scared (to put it mildly) last night, and still am because I don't remember the parts of memories. I just needed to get this out in the open.

Scott

_________________________
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.

--Adidas

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#25008 - 10/19/03 06:26 PM Re: Nightime
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Scott,

I'm not afraid of the dark, but there are times that I am terrified to sleep in the dark. In those time I leave the light on.

Then there are the times that are even worse, such as I am in now, where I am terrified the bed, of the bedroom. I have been sleeping on the couch with the lights on for a few weeks now.

I have seen my Pdoc about this, he has adjusted my anti-anxiety med and I am getting the sleep. And in a couple of days I will try the bed, with the light on. I go back in a little over two weeks to see if this is working and if more adjustment is needed and if a change in my AD med is needed.

Take care of yourself,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#25009 - 10/20/03 09:23 AM Re: Nightime
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I am sorry that the night is so hard at you. I do not know that it is any harder at me then day time, as far as memories or such. Most of the sexual abuse for me occurred in daytime. But night had it's own reason to be afraid, so I can relate some of how you feel. Maybe trying to sleep with light on, with television or radio on to make some noise for you, maybe that would help make it more comfortable, and easier to deal of. I wish you well, and good luck, always.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#25010 - 10/20/03 07:35 PM Re: Nightime
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi Scot,

You might start to have memories come to you and you may feel like you are back in the presence of your perp. It is a really difficult thing to have to go through. But, you know that you are not crazy and that these are memories of bad things that happened to you. It is good to tell ourselves that no one can harm us now. That we are adults and that we are safe.

At least you know that we all have these things and that they mean that we are getting ready to deal with the bad stuff. It is a good beginning, even if it seems like there is nothing good about it.

Being in the dark affects us all in various ways. Do whatever you need to do in order to feel safe. I use some of the suggestions Leosha and others have made--they work for me.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#25011 - 10/20/03 10:21 PM Re: Nightime
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Scott,

I think Bob confuses us for the number of "t's" in our names...:-p

Now, onto the serious stuff. I know how it feels to be scared of the dark. My abuse didn't happen there, but the memories of the attempted murder I went through bring out my fear of the dark and sleep like nobody's business.

The thing is, I'm fighting that now. I mentally put myself on the defensive at night. My T told me the best thing to do is focus on how what scares you can't hurt you anymore. More to the point, imagine what you (or a protector from your childhood or now) would do to the S.O.B. you "feel" in the room if they hurt you. That will prepare your mind to fight what it is, and maybe you won't be so frightened anymore.

Worse case scenario - sleep with the lights on. It's amazing how the bottom-feeders in real life and our minds cannot stand the light.

You have that light, Scott. Believe it. You have the power. No one, NO ONE, will hurt you again, because they'll have you and US to contend with!

Get some sleep, my brother. You've earned that. We're here if you need us.

Peace and love,

Scot (of the one T!) \:D

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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