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#249982 - 09/17/08 01:40 PM Body Failure - Trigger Warning
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3368
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
I don't know what's up with me but it sure seems like my body is self-distructing from the inside out lately and has been forcing me to have to go to the doc

I've always hated going to the doc

I know part of the reason why I struggle so much with docs is because of the way in which my uncle used to do sexual stuff to me with a doc kit he had

a few weeks back I had to go in to the doc because my urine was getting cloudy and I had pain/pressure - could'nt get in to see my normal doc so had to see the urgent care doc - who of course needs to do all of the touchy/feely checks to my private areas (including the finger up the rear check) - and also feels the need to ask me personal questions about my privates (yes, I do have scars visible from some of the things done) related to things from my past (at which point I mentaly checked-out from the room) - had to do a urine test and the doc I seen at urgent care wanted to do more tests to find out what actualy caused the infection in the first place - so they had to take a "sample" of the infection (don't even ask how) from the puss in my urethera to send to the lab for further analysis- turns out to be a general UTI (which is extremely rare for males to get) and I'm put on antibiotics for 10 days which cleared it up just fine (suppose that I should mention that I have had 1 UTI in the past - almost 15 years ago - so it would seem to be that I am the "rare" male who does get them)

fast forward to yesterday... had to go in to the doc again - this time for blood in my stool (bright red - not dark red) - it's a problem I've had since the 5th of this month that I was hoping would clear itself up on it's own but it did'nt (I've had blood before (just from small tears - which I knew this was'nt) but it usualy goes away after a couple of days which it did'nt this time which was quite worrysome to my wife who basicaly forced me to go see the doc) - once again I could'nt get in to see my normal doc so had to see the urgent care doc - turns out to be the same doc I had for the UTI - a doc I already don't really like... - so... - he asks all of the questions he can possibly think of and then wants to do an "exam" - he has me lay down on my back and undo my pants and pull my shirt up - he checks my abdomen first (guess he was just feeling for anything abnormal) - but... then he just grabs hold of my pants and underwear and yanks them down (without saying a word first) and goes to checking my genitals (which I am NOT there for!!! - I am there for problems with my backside - NOT my frontside!!!)(I basicaly checked out of the room mentaly at that time) - I remember him asking me about the infection - I remember telling him it was totaly cleared up - I remember that he manipulated my genitals more than I felt was necessary - I mean... it flat out hurt the way in which he squeezed my testicles and then pryed my penile head open to look down my urethra to see if he could see any residual signs of infection (which - keep in mind that I'm NOT there for anything to do with the UTI) - after he was done with my frontside I think he asked me a couple of times to roll on my side before I actualy did - at this point I was totaly in "frozen child mode" - I've never had a "finger check" done that way before - it kind of made me flash back to what my brother did to me when we was younger (something i had'nt thought on in many many years) - he seemed to really spend a long time "back there" (but then - maybe my mind was just too messed up at that point to track time)... I vaugly remember getting re-dressed at some later point and him saying that he could'nt find anything wrong even though there clearly was blood present there - soo... he tells me to wait for his assistant and he then leaves the room (at which time I finally break down into tears) - 5 minutes later she comes in (I'd dryed my tears by then) and tells me that they are going to schedule me for a colonoscopy to find out waht the problem is - so she gets on the phone and calls to someone else and sets up an apointment for the 29th of this month - then I have to go to the pharmacy and pick up the per>
_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#250011 - 09/17/08 05:07 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: TJ jeff]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Jeff,

That doctor sounds like an a**hole. Sorry, that is just really poor bedside manner and when you add on the fact that you'd disclosed, he didn't even take that into consideration.

As for the colonoscopy, I hope you can do what is in the interest of your health. I have to have them pretty regularly and what I find is the worst part is the prep work (flushing out your system so your are as clean as a whistle all the way through). (The other part I don't like is that I get really sick on general anesthetic so when I wake up...ugh) I've been awake through the procedure and I must say it does feel weird - something poking around in your abdomen from the inside out. All I could think of was the first Alien movie when the creature jumps out of the guy's chest and runs across the table. (WARNING: the doctor will get mad if you laugh during the procedure.)

Do you have someone who can go with you?

Take care ((Jeff))...

Michael


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#250017 - 09/17/08 05:32 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: M3]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
Jeff,

I'm 28 and I have to get them done regularly too. I have enough problems down below because of what happened to me to make visits to the Urology and GI Clinics at the VA a painful experience, physically and psychologically.

The urgent care doc was a total jackass. You didn't deserve that and you really should see the Patient Care Rep or someone similar if you feel he was overboard.

If they do use a general anesthetic, do disclose PTSD to the anesthetist as they will need to know because I have had problems with flashbacks and anxiety after coming out from under. You really don't want that complication, trust me....

Go-Lytely of course is chug-a-lug, so be prepared to stay close to home that whole day before and most of the day of after the procedure recovering.

If you keep having UTI problems, make sure they fully check the prostate area. Lots of potential for problems there because of abuse issues. PM me if you need to know more in this area.

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#250028 - 09/17/08 07:29 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: LN3(SS)]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
A colonoscopy is basically a fishing expedition with a TV camera. I don't know your age, but it is a procedure normally done at the age of 50 and at 60, providing that you have medical insurance. Depending on who is doing it, where it is done, and what kind of insurance that you have, there could be a substantial co-pay. But having the procedure done is a regular preventative measure designed to find trouble like colon cancer. Your problem might just be hemorrhoids or some kind of an abdominal tear or intestinal infection, or possibly prostate problems or liver disease too. If you are having substantial on & off ongoing bleeding you should get it checked-out. A lot of the time it is performed under a general and you won't be aware of anything 30 seconds after the IV starts. Watch for passing a lot of gas when you wake-up in the recovery room.

The urgent care doc may very well be only a PA. Most of those places have one senior doctor and a bunch of underlings that can't find work elsewhere. Many urgent care or industrial clinics are operated by larger medical groups. I would file a complaint somewhere as far up the food chain as you can get. It would be best for that type of behavior to get reigned-in before there are many more victims.

Any chance that you have exposure to hep-c in your background? Having an intestinal infection and cloudy urine are two of the possible symptoms. Hep-c is a liver disease. The Mayo Clinic's website has extensive medical knowledge available to an online user including the ability to question their staff via email. The test for hep-c is a simple blood test that your general practioner could order.

What flavor did they give you? Their banana flavor was 2 on a 10 scale but I heard that it was better than some of the other flavors. Building on what Brian said, be prepared to stay close to the bathroom for much of the entire evening after drinking their product. I know that there could be a fair amount of trepidation given the circumstances, but it is the right thing to get it done and over with, just in case you have certain medical problems. Maybe while you are there they could do a throat scope too, especially if you have frequent heartburn and/or if you have ever smoked cigarettes or chewed tobacco.

Much more frequent trips to the doctor's office is one of the facts of aging, I'm afraid. But it is a good thing to find any potential trouble early enough to resolve it. Have hope, my man, we're all behind you.

Mark



Edited by Trucker51 (09/17/08 07:33 PM)
_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#250033 - 09/17/08 08:02 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: Trucker51]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11078
Loc: Denver, CO
I've had to get a few scopes done before. Had to have some serious look inside as I too was gastro trouble. Barbaric in my opinion, but at least you get anestetized for the procedure.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#250109 - 09/18/08 12:28 AM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: FormerTexan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6866
Loc: USA
It is a good idea to get colonoscopies done. Of course they need to be done competently.

If you don't have trust in the dr doing the scoping, try to find an alternative. It is your right, unless no one else is around.

It doesn't sound like your body is falling apart at all. The Dr. was rather indelicate.

I had a colonoscopy done where the Dr. and his nurse were preparing their stuff over my rear end. What bothered me was that they were smiling at each other. They were enjoying too much.

Allen

puffer




Edited by pufferfish (09/18/08 12:44 AM)

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#250116 - 09/18/08 02:56 AM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: pufferfish]
jggab Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 53
Loc: California
I am very familiar with these examinations and procedures. Unfortunately they are performed by humans. It is unfortunate that some providers forget that these exams and procedures are new to some patients and can be very uncomfortable. As human beings. . .we tend to become complacent in our work. . . and just view our daily work as routine.... forgeting that this is anything but routine for the patient. Please voice your concerns to your doctor. If you don't get a satifactory response, please try to find another doctor. In addition, a comment to the patient contact representative would be helpful too. If the doctor doesn't get the feedback. . .he or she will think they are doing a good job and nothing is wrong with the way they approach their patients.
On another note: If you are having bleeding. . . that is not normal!!!!! And should not be ignored! It may very well be an internal hemorrhoid. . . but until you find the source of the bleed, it's not worth the risk of just assuming that it's "just a hemorrhoid".

As for the UTI's you have had. . . they are more common in females. .. but I wouldn't consider them "rare" in males. Just not as common.

I would encourage you to continue with the colonoscopy, but please communicate your concerns with your doctors (which I know is not easy).

I wish you well and hope you have better experiences with your docs.

Jon


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#250198 - 09/18/08 03:31 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: jggab]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3368
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
thanx guys,

I did'nt tell the urgent care doc about my abuse history - but even still - I think that a doc should tell you what he is going to do before he actualy does it (ie - tell you he is going to pull down your underwear and check your genitals before he actualy does it - and tell you why he is doing it)

I am going to be talking with a patient care rep within the next week and will tell them then all about the last urgent care visit

I don't even know as of yet (waiting for a call from the clinic) who the doc is who will be doing the colonoscopy - and being that this is a small rural area clinic I'm fairly certain that they will want to do this procedure with me un-sedated as I've heard that is how they do it there

yes - my wife will be there with me

about the bleeding... - the doc I seen Tuesday did a VERY thourough finger check - said he could'nt find anything internal that could be causing the bleeding (though there was blood present) - because he could'nt find what was causing it - that is why he sceduled me for the colonoscopy

about the UTI - am going to have to keep a close eye on it - it was about 15 years since I'd had the last one though... - not sure what to think about the prostate being the problem - but if it comes back again I'll be sure to remember to ask them about it (unless you think I should ask them about it now - won't they be somewhat checking it out when they do the scope? - or is there some other test I should have done?)

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#250201 - 09/18/08 04:00 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: TJ jeff]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
Jeff,

A finger check is a very gross exam. By that I mean it is not going to find small things. But you already knew this.

Waking sedation will feel more unnatural so be prepared. Take your anti-anxiety meds (if you take them) with you in case you can't handle the aftereffects. I know I got real anxious and it was almost impossible for me to do the scope awake.

UTI can also be handled with cranberry juice. I drink a lot of it and it helps. I also strongly recommend telling about the prior UTI and letting them decide about a more detailed exam of the prostate. The exam name for that is a cystoscopy. It is NOT pleasant for survivors and really needs a lot of consultation before being done. The scope will tell them if the prostate is seriously enlarged but not if less sseverly so. But that is another thread....

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#250207 - 09/18/08 05:54 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: LN3(SS)]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Jeff,

I'm so sorry you had such a clod for the exam. I saw a brochure at the Neighborhood Involvement Project with ideas for abuse survivors on how to approach medical and dental exams. There are a lot of people who have difficulties with exams, so they should know all about this. If they don't, hmm... I guess myself I'd want to tell them to get a fuckin' clue and read up on it NOW. It seems you should really only have to tell them you need extra attention to safety and communication due to very unfortunate past experiences. No details necessary.

I had a colonoscopy and actually, it wasn't too bad. I was given an IV Benzodiazepine/valium drug in the prep area which calmed me down a lot. I was half awake and nothing really unpleasant about it, except the Go-Lytely prep stuff. Lemon flavor. These people do lots of these every week so, as I've heard, they get real good at it, and perhaps it would be worth going someplace like there for it, if you can.

The brochure actually helped me put together why I don't like doctors, and that doctor in my past known as "Doc".

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#251696 - 09/28/08 09:39 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: LandOfShadow]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3368
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
update...

Tomorrow morning is the procedure - am doing the cleanout right now (NOT fun)(it is not flavored)

still very much NOT wanting to go through this - but know I need to know what is wrong with my body


the procedeure will be done in waking sedation - supposedly I won't remember a thing after it's done

my wife will be there

just please keep me in your thoughts guys - this is a procedure that the younger part of me so much does NOT want to go through - it's just too much of a reminder of some of the things uncle did with his medical kit

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#251709 - 09/28/08 10:29 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: TJ jeff]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Jeff,

Will be thinking of you, particularly in the morning as you go through this. You're doing the right thing, taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do. Let us know how it goes, and remember that we're all thinking about you.

_________________________
Eddie

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#251727 - 09/28/08 11:52 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: EGL]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
((((((JEFF)))))))


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#251736 - 09/29/08 01:34 AM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: M3]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
Jeff,

I feel your pain. My flexible sigmoidoscopy is Tuesday at 0900. I start light purging tonight at 1800.

I hope you're safe. You are in my thoughts.

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#251958 - 09/29/08 09:07 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: LN3(SS)]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3368
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Thanx guys

it's done... - it really was'nt bad at all (I did cry a bit as they where hooking all of the pre-surgery stuff up to me - but the nurses seemed totaly ok with it) - I don't even remember anything after they shot 2 shots of "something" into my IV - next thing I knew I was in the recovery chair - blew a few good honkers (farts) for the attending nurse and then I got out of there (wife driving of course)...

I am amazed that my rear feels totaly normal - I guess I was just expecting to feel violated "back there" - I'm very glad to report that I feel no pain from the procedure

all they found was internal hemeroids that have been causeing the bleeding - so nothing was done surgery-wise to fix anything

Brian - I'll keep you in my thoughts tomorrow - hope it goes as well for you as it did for me

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#251960 - 09/29/08 09:11 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: TJ jeff]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Glad to hear it went well for you emotionally and physically, Jeff, and that it wasn't as serious as feared. And Brian, will be thinking about you tomorrow as well, please let us know how you're doing afterwards.

_________________________
Eddie

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#252050 - 09/30/08 08:28 AM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jeff,

I'm so glad you got through this so well, and I'm glad you didn't have to do it alone. It's good you put your health first; now you know you're okay, and that's what's important.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#252082 - 09/30/08 12:22 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: roadrunner]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
THREAD HIJACK

Sorry Jeff

Guys,

I DO NOT recommend the flexible sigmoidoscopy without sedation as a way to evaluate any sort of problems GI wise. While the purging is a little easier than what Jeff reported with the Go-Lytely, Magnesium Citrate 300mL worth at 1800 the night before kinda tastes like Sprite, the 2 enemas were very triggering for me. Plus, the camera without sedation was virutally unbearable trigger-wise.

Healthwise, I have to go back for a FULL colonoscopy as there are significant problems.

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#252263 - 10/01/08 01:09 AM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: LN3(SS)]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3368
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
no prob Brian

sorry it was rough on you - next time insist on the sedation

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#253425 - 10/07/08 04:44 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: TJ jeff]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
I just got the jug of GoLytely and magnesium citrate and the enema for the next go round in a package from the VA for the full colonoscopy on the 31st. The damn test is 3 and a half weeks away and I am already shaking just seeing the prep materials!

I don't want to see that camera again goin near me. I want to tell them to go to hell. I know they told me that the anesthesiologist will have no problem administering extra Versed if need be. But damnit, I'm scared. That feeling when that camera went there when I was unsedated felt too much like the original trauma to be repeated.

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#257884 - 10/25/08 07:37 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: LN3(SS)]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
Gentlemen,

As of yesterday, I have stopped all my medications in preparation for the colonoscopy Friday.

I really don't want to do this as I remember my last test VIVIDLY, but some things in life must be done no matter the cost.

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

Top
#257927 - 10/25/08 09:50 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: LN3(SS)]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3368
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Brian,

you'll make it through this one ok - just don't forget to ask for the extra meds - I may not be there in real life with you - but I sure will be thinking of you...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

Top
#258923 - 10/29/08 10:09 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: TJ jeff]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
I commence my purging for my colonoscopy tomorrow.

Damn, I'm scared. Part of me wants to be relieved, but everything else wants to be scared and RUN. Don't go near THERE!

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#259053 - 10/30/08 03:21 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: LN3(SS)]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Brian,

You are pretty young to be having a colonscopy aren't you or is this related to your abuse?
I hope everything goes well tomorrow for you.
You will be in my prayers.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#259074 - 10/30/08 05:10 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: michael banks]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
Yeah Mike, it's abuse related. I'm 28.

I wish there was some way to give this gift back to HIM, but there's not.

My body is falling apart inside because of that sicko, and there's not a DAMN thing I can do!

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#259103 - 10/30/08 07:45 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: LN3(SS)]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
I'm here for you, Brian. I still remember the courage demonstrated at Kirkridge. Your brothers are all with you in spirit, my friend. You can do this.

Please, as best you can, keep us informed.

M


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#259126 - 10/30/08 10:16 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: LandOfShadow]
NeEd2HeEl Offline


Registered: 10/30/08
Posts: 1
Here's something on body failure. I'm 24 yrs old and I've reached the point where I don't really feel alive anymore. My strength, endurance, concentration, etc has all started to be affected by whatever's going on... There's times when I feel very alive like i'm running on all cylinders but those are usually in situations where my adrenaline is pumping giving a sensory overload type feeling or something. I'm just coming to grips with a childhood sexual abuse incident and realizing and seeing how it has affected my life all these years. Finally i'm like "this is what's been wrong with me, and this is why my life leading up to this has been such a confusing, unsuccessful, and unhappy trail of events" and i feel all these emotions whenever i think about what happened and all that its caused. There's so much confusion and so many different emotions that i almost just go numb and block things out. At this point I just do what I gotta do each day and whenever there's a ray of hope I try to have a laugh and enjoy the positive thinking/feeling as long as i can. but i don't have a good understanding of what's going on and I know i'm in need of some help. I don't want/like medications as I have tried them in the past. They make me feel like a zombie and not myself. I have gotten painful headaches and disgusting/discomforting feelings like i'm being taken advantage of or something... What is the purpose of SSRI's and all that stuff anyways?? What the hell do they provide or put in our body/brain that we might be lacking or need to feel better/normal anyway??

As you can probably see I'm pretty untrusting. I'm also pretty anti-social and anti.. well, a lot of things... but I know there's hope. I want and will get better from this... I'm just trying to figure things out. Help is appreciated


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#259155 - 10/31/08 06:07 AM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: NeEd2HeEl]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Need2:

The point behind many anti-depressants is to try to balance brain chemistry. Seritonin is a brain chemical. You would have to ask one of our doctor-types here to get a better understanding of what a seritonin re-uptake inhibitor does for your brain chemistry or what symptom your doctor is trying to treat. It sounds like they are trying to treat your depression. One valuable source for medical information is the website of the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. I think that it is MayoClinic.com but I am not sure. (Do a Google search if that isn't right). There is extensive medical knowledge there plus the ability to question their staff by email on the site too.

Welocme to our site. I think that you will find us to be a caring and sensitive bunch of guys all working to free ourselves of the effects of what was done to us together. Glad that you found us, and hope that we can be of help in your recovery.

Most of our members use the survivor forum and the off-topic forum. We also have an extensive collection of survivor stories. Feel free to take a look and don't be afraid to ask any of us with any question that you might have.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#259162 - 10/31/08 08:45 AM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: MarkK]
mcd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/10/08
Posts: 2
Loc: United States
Brian,
Remember your pebble and know we all are watching over you! Together we are strong. I see that big wonderful smile of yours in my eye's mind and my voice sings out to you.
As Mark said, "we are all with you in spirit." Take it slow and keep us informed.

Best,
JA & the WoR bears


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#259210 - 10/31/08 02:14 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: mcd]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Brian,

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you today. I know your procedure takes place sometime today, and if I can send you a couple thoughts...

* You are not alone
* BREATHE

... not necessarily in that order ...

M


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#259481 - 11/01/08 01:18 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: NeEd2HeEl]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6866
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: NeEd2HeEl
I'm I don't really feel alive anymore. My strength, endurance, concentration, etc has all started to be affected ... There's times when I feel very alive like i'm running on all cylinders
I'm just coming to grips with a childhood sexual abuse incident and realizing and seeing how it has affected my life all these years. Finally i'm like "this is what's been wrong with me, and this is why my life leading up to this has been such a confusing, unsuccessful, and unhappy trail of events"

There's so much confusion and so many different emotions that i almost just go numb and block things out. At this pointWhat the hell do they provide or put in our body/brain that we might be lacking or need to feel better/normal anyway??

I want and will get better from this... I'm just trying to figure things out. Help is appreciated


Need2

It sounds like you are at the beginning of a healing journey. This MS web site can help a lot. It has helped me to sort things out. There are a bunch of guys here with a lot of understanding and insight.

I already have some ideas about your need from what you have said but I think I should get to know you a little bit better before I say too much in case I might say the wrong thing.

Just try to keep coming here and ask some more questions and you will be getting some good feedback to help you. Let's try to take one symptom at at time.

Looking forward to helping. . .


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#267571 - 12/17/08 06:50 PM Re: Body Failure - Trigger Warning [Re: MarkK]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Wow what a story...I am so sorry it was that experience. Although I am NOT trained in medicine...I find it very unusual to schedule a colonoscopy without a GI consult first.

Generally they are done once we hit 50 and after we see a Gastroenterologist. I hope you call your primary for a little peace of mind. The urgent care doctor sounds like a real jerk.
Good luck, keep us posted.

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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