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#249138 - 09/11/08 12:37 PM Dream Last Night
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
This is a dream I had last night. I apologize for the structure. When I got up this morning I wanted to capture as much detail as I could. This is what I wrote.

Edited for some grammar corrections and a few content revisions

I am arrested for something. I donít know what. I had jail time for maybe a week. I was in horrible shame. A good friend of mine, someone I have a lot of respect for was there too. He had been arrested too for the same or similar thing and it was not the first time for him. While in jail, all of us have something like old style computer punch cards hang from our necks. I donít know what these are for but you are always supposed to wear them. My friend says on one part of the punch cards says how long I will be there but I cannot read it however I seem to know I will be there for about a week, maybe less. After I get out I am publicly humiliated. The license plate on my truck is marked that identifies me as a convict of some sort. I donít know if only in a general way or if for a specific type of crime.

I am now with a therapist in his car. I donít know where weíre going. Donít know the person but in the dream I know him as care provider that I seem to know well.
Driving and talking. We drift into oncoming traffic at high speed and almost have a head on collision. T was not paying attention to his driving.

T drives me to a hospital (Meridian Park possibly). Begins talking to me about an in-patient program he wants me to check into.
I begin to panic. I donít want to. He said he wanted to send me to a program in Australia but it was not possible (I donít know why) but the one here is good he says. I am scared. He says they have just finished renovating the hospital. All rooms are private. He gave me a tour of the hospital grounds. Pointed out a big evergreen tree that has graffiti painted around the base. It is also enclosed by a fence. There is a special meaning to this tree but I donít remember what the T told me. Something about 911 and a patient at the hospital around that time. My T is upset about it for some reason.

I said I do not have a job. My T is frustrated by this. Asks well, how are you going to afford this? Do you still have insurance. I said yes, I am on COBRA. He was relieved and said that will be fine. I said I need my dogs. He said oh they allow a dog. I said I have two dogs. He said you may only bring one dog. I don't know which one to choose. I am distressed. Dream is over.

When I woke up this morning I remember this dream and began crying. While still in bed I called my dogs to console me. Shelby, my oldest dog she will be 12 in Nov. (I have two golden retriever/mix) could not jump on my bed. She is getting too old and weak. I begin crying even harder. I am crying now as I type this.

What is happening?

Mike




Edited by Barkabus (09/12/08 06:02 PM)

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#249145 - 09/11/08 01:42 PM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: Barkabus]
Dan99 Offline


Registered: 06/18/07
Posts: 100
Loc: Washington DC
Mike,
I don't know enough about dreams to know what yours mean.

I do know I'm wrestling with disturbing dreams myself these days, too. Two nights in a row now. I usually don't have trouble with them.

In the past when my dreams kick up it's been a warning sign that I'm not doing something I should. Usually I'm disregarding my needs and not taking adequate care of myself. The dreams are sort of an alarm bell that goes off when I'm refusing to take better care of myself or protect my interests.

I'm still thrashing through the latest, but anyway you're not alone with this.

Take care,
Dan

_________________________
Work like you don't need the money;
dance like no one is watching;
sing like no one is listening;
love like you've never been hurt;
and live life every day as if it were your last.

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#249186 - 09/11/08 08:52 PM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: Dan99]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Mike, I also don't know enough about dreams. But I recognize the pattern in my own dreams.

Being pushed (or sometimes forcibly taken) into a jail/mental ward/military that I don't want to be in and it scares me.

I wonder if these are not manifestations of what we think should happen or what we were told should happen.

I no longer subscribe to the view that everything in your dreams is about your mother or everyone in them is you! lol.

Maybe Ken could shed some light here?

Paul

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#249226 - 09/12/08 04:28 AM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: Tinman]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
I really feel that dream interpretation should be done by the dreamer myself. Not because there is anything wrong with talking about dreams or getting someones feedback, but I just don't believe in one set of symbolism for everyone to interpret their dreams by.

Different things are have different meanings for different people. I sometimes interpret my own dreams and when I do I don't just think about them, I also feel about them and ask myself what those feelings are saying through the symbols in the dream.

But only you were there and only you experienced that unique concoction of impressions which makes up that particular message..if there is one.
That's my two cents. (three if you count the nonsense.)


_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#249227 - 09/12/08 04:56 AM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: blueshift]
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
Dear Mike,

I don't know what dreams mean, or "What Dreams May Come." I wish I had a solution for you, or a few words of encouragement, but I lack the vocabulary. I have this recurring dream that I'm on a bridge all by my lonesome, and the bridge doesn't connect to anything. No roads, or off ramps, or highways beyond. It's just the edge on one side and the other. I look down, hoping I can make the jump or somehow find a way to climb it, but it's useless. I've had this dream since I was a kid.

I think it means that I'm afraid of being alone or being lonely. That realization is ever so evident with the way I treat people. Consciously I mean well, but something gets in the way between good and disgust. I don't spend a great deal of my time socializing with other people. I suppose that I just forgot how to be around them.

I do not make an effort to please people, as I'm sure you can imagine. "I am very aware of how wise I am not."

Blended By The Light!

Rich

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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#249314 - 09/12/08 03:45 PM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: Stretch73]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
****EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING****

I had another dream last night. It was very short and very shocking. This is very difficult for me to even say. The dream was a very vivid picture of my penis being torn off. Not by force. It just became detached but it looked like it was torn off. It was just barely still attached then it came off completely in my hand. There was nothing but a stump left. There was no pain and no blood but I was traumatized, in shock and horrified. Then in the dream I thought NO! This did not just happen! And then it was instantly attatched again like it never happened. I was filled with relief then the dream ended.

_________________________
My Story

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#249316 - 09/12/08 04:03 PM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: Barkabus]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Wow

From emasculation/neutering to reclaiming your "manhood".
Though you may not feel like it, tonight you might want to go out & bark at the moon Bark

C

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#249321 - 09/12/08 05:08 PM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: Barkabus]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Wow again!

Forgive me for another inane answer.

The dream is the effects of a manipulative mother and CSA followed by therapy.

puffer


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#249348 - 09/12/08 09:41 PM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: pufferfish]
oriolesguy Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 108
Loc: Long Island, NY
Dreams are haunting me lately too. They never did before. I've got images of being gang raped again in there. One or two nights lately I woke up screaming (so my wife says), and she asked me what I was dreaming about. Shamefully lying, I told her I didn't remember. I haven't told her yet.
To say the least it's disturbing me. It's one of those things I don't have any control over.

Oriolesguy


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#249351 - 09/13/08 12:00 AM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: oriolesguy]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
I have nightmares between 3 and 4 times every week. They are the same nightmares over and over again where my perp. brother is abusing me. In both dreams my life is in danger, one falling out of a tree house and the other drowning in a swimming pool. I wake up screaming and crying for help.

I sure wish and hope that someday they will end. Seems without the med's I have absolutely no control when I am going to have the nighmares. Life sure "sucks". Will I ever get control of my own body back?

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#251686 - 09/28/08 08:53 PM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: KENKEN]
oriolesguy Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 108
Loc: Long Island, NY
I had another one last night. Every so often it happens. I woke up with a start, and I don't know if I was talking in my sleep or not. It didn't wake my wife up (thank god!) but one time it did and I couldn't tell her why. I hope this is just a "phase" that will go away. Or am I being naive?
Anybody know about this?

Oriolesguy


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#251705 - 09/28/08 10:11 PM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: oriolesguy]
Davesc Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 67
Loc: NJ
I have had the same dream all my life. Im57. My parents are in the doorway of my bedroom laughing at me and throwing giant puff balls that seem to smother me. I used to wake up in a sweat. Now when I get the dream I look at it as if from a distance. It doesn't have the power it used to have. Hope that helps. I have told my t and wife about this dream. It helped to talk to them. Talk to your wife. You picked her because she is something special. Let her show you how special she is. give her a chance to help you. Keep healing Dave

_________________________
Davesc
_______________________________________
Thankful Wor Kirkridge Alumni Oct 2008

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#251725 - 09/28/08 11:47 PM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: Davesc]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Oriolesguy,

Many times the nightmares will end when you have successfully processed the memories and emotions attached to them. So, I guess you can say it is a phase, but the length of the phase depends on your recovery.

Michael


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#251730 - 09/28/08 11:59 PM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: Barkabus]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
I see them as three disjointed themes around your healing journey. Though first one is fairly direct and straight forward, and separate from the latter two, which are sort of connected.

Interpreting the Part I - Inside the Jail, is fairly simple - You are inside the survivor prison, and label of 'Survivor' that is stuck with you! The fear is of being humiliated if you step put of your survivor prison, and come out with your secret in public, as you already feel different and that people can spot you by your tag, even your license plate has some identification that separates you from the public! May be its time to get rid of your tag and step into the real world, outside the prison, you have remained a survivor for long, time to move on!

Keep a dream diary, and allow the interpretations to comes from the source, where the dreams originate from!

Part II
- With the T inside the car - You have put your T in the drivers seat of your recovery journey, who is taking you head on into the past, so that you may collide with it, and that is what you may be fearing all this while - confronting the past or its fears! You want him to be careful and keep you safe instead, but then you can either be safe or heal.

Part III - Inside the hospital - Your T (Life) is wanting you to commit to a greater level to your healing, and making it is easy for you, but you are unwilling to let go of your comfort levels, - dogs.

Part IV - Penis dream - Fear of being emasculated, of your masculinity! But then you know that all you have to say is - NO!

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#251949 - 09/29/08 08:56 PM Re: Dream Last Night [Re: Morning Star]
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
I too suffer from nightmares. I dream of zombies. Sometimes there fast sometimes slow. More often they not I have weapons. Quite often i am a killing machine. There worst ones are when I have to protect someone, which is usually a small male child. (anyone see the symbolism there)

I transfer these dreams into my life. I view the mass of humanity as mindless zombies or as i like to call them sheeple. Due to the abuse I have suffered and the dreams I have a house full of weapons. When I see someone being mean to a child or any type of underdog my blood boils and I have to restrain myself from severe overreactions.

Hey Barkabus, Thanks for the post. My dogs are my favorite thing in the world. My soulmate is Ruby monkey and she too is getting long in the tooth. When I think that one day she wont be with me it reduces me to tears(like now). Let me know if you ever need support because I really understand. hope all is well. Pete

_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

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