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#248384 - 09/06/08 04:37 PM Hope and Fear
kutcher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
So I talked to my T and to my family and I decided to sign up for the healing weakend in October. In many ways I have a lot of hope and fear about it. Things have moved very fast for me over the last few months. The memories of the abuse, discovery of more abuse and the struggles my wife and I have had, but now I feel caught up in the momentum and so I felt it was something I needed to do.

Several weeks ago I found this site and at the time I did not think I was ready for the weekend even my T did not feel it was time, now several weeks later I myself, my wife and my T all believe I am ready.

I am hopefull that it will cause another leap in my evolution in me becoming the man I want to be in other ways I fear if I can really handle several days of focussing on my issues.

Either way I see it as a major step and I hope a good one for me and my family

I think mostly I am lookning forward to meeting in flesh and blood those who have carried the burden and creating new bonds with those who may actually understand.

I look forward to it and I am afraid of it, either way I looking forward to meeting those of you who will be participating in PA next month.

Once again, thanks for listening to me.

Your Friend

Dave


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#248392 - 09/06/08 05:23 PM Re: Hope and Fear [Re: kutcher]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
Dave,

Welcome aboard to the crew going to PA. Up anchor is in a little more than 5 weeks. I'm driving up the Turnpike from Baltimore so I will have a lot of time to get scared on the way.

I fired my pshrink, in part, becuase she would not support me attending this WoR. VA BS wasn't keeping me from going. I'm glad to see you share the drive to go.

Hopefully the Weekend will be worth the pain.

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#248394 - 09/06/08 06:51 PM Re: Hope and Fear [Re: LN3(SS)]
kutcher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
Brian,

Thanks for the note, nice to know a nieghbor is going (I am from Delaware).

It is nice to know I am not the only one a little scared and hopefull all at the same time.

Look forward to meeting you next month.

Dave


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#248407 - 09/06/08 10:37 PM Re: Hope and Fear [Re: kutcher]
conflicted Offline


Registered: 08/02/08
Posts: 45
Loc: Greenville, SC
Dave,

Well add me to the list... yes i am going as well... with a whole boat load of hope, and yes a little fear as well. but as i told Lee, this weekend is going to be awesome. glad that you will be joining us.

Our winning the race set before us is in a sense determined by how we run the race. On the other hand, "two are better than one." I want to run the race well, but in every race there is the coach, the trainer, the "official, who set the rules, and enforce them as well," the on-looker, and the RUNNER. All contribute to a race well run. Bottom line... "true friends stick closer than a brother." In this race of life if I perchance come across a few friends, the race will be worth running.

bill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFfG9QUbEqM&feature=relatedbill

_________________________
Masquerades are a lot of fun, until you see it is really your life.


my story...finally out *triggers*

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#248911 - 09/09/08 07:31 PM Re: Hope and Fear [Re: conflicted]
kutcher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
Bill,

Thanks, I look forward to joining you in the race.

See you soon

Dave


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#248919 - 09/09/08 07:58 PM Re: Hope and Fear [Re: kutcher]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Dave,

You'll really enjoy the WoR and I hope it does give you a quantum leap in your recovery.

Good luck to you and the entire crew heading up to PA!

Michael - (Jealous that he's not going.)
Alumnus of Hope Springs WoR 2007




Edited by M3 (09/09/08 09:40 PM)

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#248923 - 09/09/08 08:10 PM Re: Hope and Fear [Re: kutcher]
Joel Rosset Offline


Registered: 08/21/08
Posts: 45
Loc: Canada
Hey Kutcher,

Over the last twenty or so years of my recovery process I've attended many workshops and healing retreats on various themes - and NO I never wanted to go when the time came, and YES I always delighted that I had made the choice to attend afterward. I hope that made sense! Going on retreat can feel very spooky because we know in advance that we are going there to deal with hurtfull core issues - not fun! But oh, so rewarding afterwards.I wish you all the best and if I had to give you a piece of advise it would be this: Trust yourself, you're stronger than you know!

______________________
The wisest souls are the most deeply scarred ones.

Joel (sweetboy)

_________________________
Wise souls are deeply scarred

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#248941 - 09/09/08 09:39 PM Re: Hope and Fear [Re: Joel Rosset]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2590
I got that Hope and Fear burning bigtime in me too!

I'm signed up and going and I'm nervous and worred already!!!!!

\:\(

So afraid of probably more than could ever possibly go wrong, but I got this thing about imagining the absolute worse possible outcome......

Hope and Fear! Hope I can hang more on that hope than on the Fear.

Looking forward to meeting people as well. I'm way out in western PA and ain't got squat for local support \:\(


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#248943 - 09/09/08 09:46 PM Re: Hope and Fear [Re: JustScott]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Kutcher,

I was teaching at an outdoor camp last fall and got triggered big time. Living in a houseful of strangers (it was the first week) 2 hours from my friends and having to deal with 200 6th graders from 7am - 11pm - I was freaking out. I did a search, found MS, contacted Howard and by the next evening I'd signed up. Right after I hit the submit button I thought, "What the hell did I just do!?!?" But I knew that I had to do something drastic because I was sick of feeling the way I did. On the way down I was terrified, but it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Hang in there!

Michael


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#251985 - 09/29/08 10:19 PM Re: Hope and Fear [Re: M3]
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Hey Dave,

I just noticed this post from a few weeks ago. I have been to 2 WOR and I am really glad you are going. I was scared about going to my first one and then looked forward to going to the next one. From getting to know you through your posts and our PM's, I am certain that you are ready for this and I think you will get a lot out of it. I hope someday we can meet each other at one of the Advanced WOR. I haven't made it to one of those yet.

Take care,
Dale


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