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#24828 - 03/19/02 07:04 AM Male Rape
Ivan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/19/02
Posts: 2
Loc: South Africa
On 28 September 2001, I was kidnapped and raped by two men. During the attack I tried every thing to escape, and when that seemed not to work, I forced my head towards the pistol one of them were holding. For a small period of time I was left alone, and in that time all I could think of was all the dreams I still had to dream, of my loving wife and all the promisses we have made to each other. A calmness came over me that I still can not put into words. When the two men got back into the vehicle with me again, one of them pointed the pistol to my head, and asked "Do you want to die?".
What worried me for weks, and even now, is that I had to think of my answer!

How could it be that I had so little value to my own life that I would have rather died than to face any one and tell them that I was raped.

My answer to him was NO, please dont kill me. They then forced me to have oral sex with the two of them. They left me at the side of the road, after they poured feul all over me. I drovce to the nearest hospital and reported the rape, something that I never thought I would do. In the months that followed, I went from bad to worst. I did not come out of my house, I had no intention of speaking to any one.

It was only once I started thinking of suicide that I recalled the qeustion that man put to me, and my answer to him. There must be a reason why I chose to live that day. I had to change my attitude towards the rape, I had to realise that I was no longer lying in the back of a vehicle with my hands tied. I started telling people the truth if they asked me where I have been for so long, and it HELPED. I started talking to more and more people about the rape, and the more I talked, the better it made me feel. Once I started research on male rape I realised that I was not the only one, that there are 1000's just like me! This gave me a sence of reality, gave me something to live for, the fact that something had to be done to make people aware of this thing we call male rape.

I was in the right place at the right time(for a change) when I met a journelist and we started talking about the rape. This led to an article in a leading magazineand to an interview on national television.The responce was one I never thought possible. Soon I was in contact with men from my own country, men who have kept their rape secret, some for as long as 12-years!

Why were we all ashamed to say we were raped?
Because of all the stigmas about male rape!
I am lucky in that I have a loving wife and are in an envrioment where I am not judged.

We are busy putting together the basis for an organisation in South Africa that will be exclusively for the support and care of male rape survisors. I welcome any input that you might have on male rape, and what needs to be done.

Ivan


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#24829 - 03/19/02 08:46 AM Re: Male Rape
Richard Gartner, PhD Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/20/00
Posts: 404
Loc: New York, NY, USA
Dear Ivan:

I salute you for your courage, both at the time of your awful ordeal and in the aftermath, choosing to go public in South Africa, and now here on the NOMSV web site. It seems like you are forcing yourself to make a horrible experience into one that will give hope to many men in South Africa and abroad. Please encourage the other men who have contacted you to visit our web site and make use of it in what ever way helps them. You might use our live chat room as a forum to talk, possibly posting a weekly time that works in your time zone as a forum where you can come to talk to one another, anonymously if necessary.

Anyway, I welcome you to NOMSV. You are blazing a trail, and I hope you will feel our support. My heart goes out to you.

Richard Gartner
President, NOMSV

[ March 19, 2002: Message edited by: RichardNYC ]

_________________________
www.richardgartner.com

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#24830 - 03/19/02 04:19 PM Re: Male Rape
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 989
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Ivan,

Welcome to NOMSV. Sorry you needed to find this place, but I welcome your courage in dealing with your rape. I hope to get to know you better through this message board and the chat room.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#24831 - 03/22/02 01:18 AM Re: Male Rape
simon_dup1 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/22/02
Posts: 3
Loc: Miami, Florida
Hello Ivan, your story have inspired me to tell my story.

In March of 2000, I was in college, a freshman. I was with some "friends of mine" when I was raped. I had just celebrated a friends birthday, and my friend spent the night in my private dorm room. It was about 3:00a.m. and I was about to lay down, and my friend was a little drunk, and he begin talking trash about sexual things.

I didn't pay him any attention, but I laid in my bed, and he came to me, and told me that he wanted me to turn over. After I refused he forced me into things that I never thought could happen.

After the event took place, I immediately dropped out of college, but never told anyone why. My family became very concerned about me, because of my quietness, but I have never told anyone.

This is the first time that I ever told anyone, and I am feeling a little better about it, eventhough it bring back horrible memories.

From the time the incident took place until now, I have not been able to make friends with anyone of the male gender. I have even lost my closeness with my brothers, because I feel that I was personally wrong by a person that I truly trusted.

The guy that violated me, was the first friend that I made at my college campus, and since I went away from school, I placed a trust in him, that I only had for family.

My girlfriend had recently gave birth to two beautiful twin daughters five days prior to the incident.

Ivan, I just want to say thank you for sharing your story, it has given me the courage to tell my story to you.


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#24832 - 03/22/02 01:30 AM Re: Male Rape
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 989
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Simon,

Thank you for sharing your story here. I hope you are able to find help in your path of recovery and learn to trust again.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#24833 - 03/22/02 08:32 AM Re: Male Rape
Richard Gartner, PhD Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/20/00
Posts: 404
Loc: New York, NY, USA
Dear Simon --

Thank you for trusting this place enough to tell your story. It must have been horrible to carry it around all this time.

I hope that you will go see a therapist if you haven't yet. If money is an issue, many hospitals have rape intervention programs that offer free counseling. You can go there whether the rape was recent or long ago. If you feel you need a female therapist, I'm sure that could be arranged.

Best of luck

Richard

[ March 22, 2002: Message edited by: RichardNYC ]

[ March 22, 2002: Message edited by: RichardNYC ]

_________________________
www.richardgartner.com

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#24834 - 04/03/02 04:10 AM Re: Male Rape
Ivan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/19/02
Posts: 2
Loc: South Africa
Simon, it is because of men like you, who speak out and stand up, that I will keep on telling my story over and over again. And know this, you have made a differance to someone's life. Eack male rape survivor that speaks, that takes control over his life, is a small step closer to helping himself.

I pray that you will value yourself, that you will know you are unique, that there is only one Simon in this world, and you have a part tp play in it.

Ivan


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#24835 - 04/03/02 09:58 AM Re: Male Rape
abcd Offline
Member

Registered: 10/20/00
Posts: 189
Loc: GA
Simon and Ivan,

Thanks for telling your stories. I have not been on this board in a while, but I know this is one of the few things that definitively clears my head and allows me to heal. Posts as yours help me do just that because I can see how indeed I am not alone in my struggles. I think that the more we realize that we are part of a larger community and not simply alone (as the "abused"), the sooner we will truly be able to be free of the abuse that has bothered us for so long. In the mean time, I think we can at least take comfort that we have survived our ordeals and chosen to continue to fight on.

\:D

[ April 03, 2002: Message edited by: abcd ]


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#24836 - 04/05/02 03:35 PM Re: Male Rape
inferiornevada Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/08/02
Posts: 12
Loc: lyme connecticut & nyc
sometimes those who question their self worth and the point in living are the ones who love life the most. i know i do, yet there have been times i have considered thought and bouts of wishful thinking that entail the concept of erasing my exsitence, -not so much in a violent manner, but more along the lines of achieving absence. i commend you on your ability to share yourself with other, and should you know tat we all hope the best for you, your future recovery, and happiness in life. peace


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