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#24824 - 08/03/05 09:55 AM Issue of things
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
It seems right now, is big good, and there is big poorly. It so confidently to me, both yesterday and today, I wake up without physical pains. It - first time when I think in some years, it happens. By the end of day, there is some pain, but not so as I have, become familiar with for last years. It - such big help to me, now to assume, that the life of such pain probably is not necessary.

It is irony, to me as the physical pain becomes so better, emotions become worse. It - within several months, I felt a lot of grief of loss of my child. It is not recent, she has died five years ago. Why is, I feel such intensive grief now? I do not understand, and it forces me to feel, that I am rather mad. I feel, that I cannot allow to go to feelings, and I can not accept the validity of it. I wish to share her with everyone, to show pictures, to speak about her as it will hold her with me, or to return her from, where she now? And I shall go to sleep and wake up, and she is again in my life, a gift, not only in spirit.

It not healthy feelings, is not correct? Nevertheless, how is, I force them to stop? I do not wish to be such problem to people, either in here, or in my life. I do not wish to upset anyone here, I regret, I know, that it - not so it is a lot of things usually spoke about here. I do not know, if it - other problems and fears of what happen next month if it makes it more difficult now whether or not? It is possible, what one thing, whether it is related to another in my head?

Thanks for any advice which is given, very much.

VN


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#24825 - 08/03/05 06:28 PM Re: Issue of things
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
VN it is good that you will not likely have to live with physical pain for the rest of your life.

The emotional pain you are feeling now (grieving for your daughter) is, I think, happening because you are not dealing with your past in an effort to become the MAN you were always meant to be. Like you I hid a lot of my emotions. I used alcohol as a way to hide. I never grieved for myself either. So look at this as an opportunity to remember your daughter and how beautiful she was. She is with you VN inside where it counts.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#24826 - 08/03/05 07:26 PM Re: Issue of things
bkeithb Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/05
Posts: 63
Loc: Milwaukee
VN,

My heart hurts for you. I cannot imagine the pain of loosing a child.

I'm no expert, but it seems to me your efforts to deal with your sexual abuse will also surface other areas of pain, perhaps undealt with as well.

As you release the pain, I hope and pray for your aching heart to heal.

Keep sharing with the group for in the sharing, you go farther down the journey of healing.

_________________________
bkeithb

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#24827 - 08/03/05 08:10 PM Re: Issue of things
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
VN, I am glad the physical pain is getting easier, and I hope it totally disappears soon.

It is common to go through these long phases of grief, and it causes deep inner hurt.

Your daughter wants you to smile and be happy for her, that will make her feel good, and yourself too.

Think of all those nice moments, and the warmth she must have given you,

she is still there so reach out and find her,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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