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#253517 - 10/08/08 01:36 AM Re: I don't know where I am at [Re: M3]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 03:24 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

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#253566 - 10/08/08 10:10 AM Re: I don't know where I am at [Re: dusty42]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
1) If your friend is really trying to make you straight, you need to check out the doctor before you go or pick the doctor yourself or together so you know what you are getting yourself into. You need to be treated for the CSA, not for being gay.

2) You need to determine what you can do and work on what you can. Take your time and the work you will do on healing will be a positive experience. If you bite off too much, you may be overwhelmed and with everything else, it could be too much. Just take it easy on yourself. But if you have the opportunity to see a good therapist to work on CSA, you should take advantage of that. A good therapist will take your health into consideration.

Peace and love Dusty...

Michael


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#253809 - 10/09/08 02:04 AM Re: I don't know where I am at [Re: M3]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 03:23 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

Top
#253866 - 10/09/08 11:22 AM Re: I don't know where I am at [Re: dusty42]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Your therapist won't force you and if he does, you should probably find a new one. Be up front with his and he should be able to assess what you can handle and work with you in that regards.

Good Luck Dusty!

Michael


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#253881 - 10/09/08 12:37 PM Re: I don't know where I am at [Re: Letourski]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Letourski
I am pretty darn torn up right now about my sexuality and life as a whole. I started seeing this girl not too long ago
My feelings grew stronger and so I told my best friend and this girl that . . .
Things were very sedated the next day as usual and that safety feeling came over me. I then went about my merry daily life.

Sometime after I started feeling better and this girl asked me to hang out which was fine.


Dan,
I might have sounded something like you at your age. Except that you seem very couragious about describing yourself.

I think you might have the same thing I have had: DID (disassociative identity disorder). It would explain all of the symptoms you have described.
In fact you kind of said it yourself:
Originally Posted By: Letourski

How do you associate an identity when you feel paralyzed after you act on feelings?

I want a sexual identity that fits.

A symptom is to argue with yourself almost as if you hear a voice within
Originally Posted By: Letourski

the voice in me kept echoing I am gay

I expressed my fears and confusion, informed her about my feelings and I was fine.
voice welled up inside me and now I feel very emotional and uncertain of where I stand

You have a disassociated alter that is gay. You have another that is straight.
Originally Posted By: Letourski

So where am I with my sexuality? I acted on feelings of attraction and arousal but yet I feel this way now. Yeah I can say that I am attracted to the same sex on occasions but it comes and goes just as much as with the opposite sex.

The following statement is consistent with DID. You have emotions inside that you cant express. Tears don't flow. I have had these symptoms and so I've been there.
Originally Posted By: Letourski

a yearning to cry out. Tears will form in my eyes but stay buried.


I hope this doesn't upset you. DID is not something to be feared. It is not really so mysterious. Don't watch the movies about it (3 Faces of Eve and Sybil). They are misrepresentations. They will damage your thinking about it. If you have a T you should show him or her this note. If you don't have a T then you need to get one who knows how to deal with DID.

Allen

puffer


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#254105 - 10/10/08 03:59 AM Re: I don't know where I am at [Re: pufferfish]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 03:22 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

Top
#254266 - 10/10/08 10:13 PM Re: I don't know where I am at [Re: dusty42]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Deep breaths. Breath in... hold it for a second or two... and then exhale completely. It may help to focus on a single point, a candle flame, an object...

Dusty, seeing a therapist and working on your sexual abuse history is a huge step. Most of us get very nervous and scared about starting therapy. Give it a try. Meet the therapist, see what he or she has to say. The first meeting is really getting to know each other to see if you want to work together. You might even write some questions on a note card so you don't forget to ask.

Good luck Dusty, you'll do fine. Remember to voice your concern about biting too much off with your physical condition.

Peace and much love...

Michael


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#254411 - 10/11/08 12:55 PM Re: I don't know where I am at [Re: M3]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, Dusty. Just wishing you well in whatever you chose to do. Hang in there. Hope that you and the rest of us get some serenity that we so richly deserve. Heal well my friend.
Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#255327 - 10/15/08 02:54 AM Re: I don't know where I am at [Re: petercorbett]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 03:22 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

Top
#255358 - 10/15/08 09:13 AM Re: I don't know where I am at [Re: dusty42]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: TEXAS
Dear dusty42, PLEASE get help on those suicidal thoughts. My son comitted suicide years ago, why? we'll never know. When he did that act he killed his father (me) and his mother too, but only in our heart and soul. I am just coming to terms with my CSA from 50+ years ago. But I have decided that I have to move from being a victim to a survivor. If you can get the book Victims No Longer it would be a tremendous help for you. I wish you well in your struggle with CSA and homosexuality, but you do whats best for you. You are in my prayers (if anybody is listning upstairs). Again heal well my friend.
Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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