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#244374 - 08/13/08 09:03 PM Female Rapists and Male Survivor Articles
James Landrith Offline


Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 40
Loc: Alexandria, VA, USA
After I publicly disclosed the details of my own rape as both a healing exercise and to help bring awareness of female on male rape, several blogs covered it, some favorably and sympathetically and others in a mocking or derogatory manner. I'm not linking the negative, victim-blaming blogs here. Below are supportive articles:










Since then, I've noticed more coverage of similar events recently as well. A few links of such coverage are below:





Those survivors and their supporters who feel strong enough to read the negative comments and are willing to make their voices known are invited to add their own remarks to these postings. I don't know if it will make a difference. I hope so. I know that I've heard from many male survivors (and a few female survivors) of female rapists since I spoke out.

If one man feels less alone and a little more supported as a result of my decision to speak out, I can live with the negative remarks and hateful reactions I've received from many readers of these blog posts and articles. I've been through worse in my years as an activist (death threats, defamation campaigns, cyber stalker, etc.). I can weather this as well with some disciplined responses and knowing when to stop reading responses - as I had to do with the Dr. Helen articles.



Edited by James Landrith (08/13/08 09:27 PM)
_________________________
Member of RAINN Speakers Bureau and syndicated blogger
Good Men Project author
Vice President, Men Recovering from Military Sexual Trauma
http://jameslandrith.com

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#244401 - 08/13/08 10:06 PM Re: Female Rapists and Male Survivor Articles [Re: James Landrith]
istrong Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/20/07
Posts: 79
Loc: CT
god bless you friend, you are not alone

_________________________
"Go then, there are other worlds than these"
-John 'Jake' Chambers

I'd rather be above the grass than below it.

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#244412 - 08/13/08 10:59 PM Re: Female Rapists and Male Survivor Articles [Re: istrong]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
While my first abuser was only 11, (and almost certainly simply "kicking the cat", as it were) she was still a "she". I too was confused at the coldness and anger which underlay the things she did with me, as i knew even at 7 that kissing and girlfriends (and all the other stuff) was supposed to be about love- not manipulation, secrecy, and threats on your life.
Even after it was eventually accidentally discovered, NObody wanted to go near it wth a ten-foot pole- both families quickly decided to forget all about it (she was the granddaughter of our landlady; the house was split into three, with us living on the 2nd floor, and "Nana" living below on one side, the girl and her family living below on the other). Like it's been said, it's not about sex, it's about power and control. Thanks for posting.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#244572 - 08/14/08 05:32 PM Re: Female Rapists and Male Survivor Articles [Re: dgoods]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Wow. making me want to speak out and speak out and speak out. I share so many parallel's with the original poster in those blog's. Drunk, teenager, waking up erect, which has caused me no end of confusion and pain.

What was the "ah-hah" moment for me was the talk about being believed and the ability to have my life ruined. I've always said "I'm so scared of women" and have never really been able to explain further this statement. It hit's me when I say it, I see the reaction from people and caregiver's and healthcare workers. I'm 6'2", all muscley, people tell me I'm intimidating looking. And then the words "I'm scared of women" comes out of my mouth. "does not compute, does not compute" is all I see in their reaction's. And the truth is I draw a blank at the time too, "why, why am I afraid of women".

It seems to have hit me, I've had a threat thrown in my face that is indefensible. 1 guy trying to hurt me, kick his ass. 2 guy's, well, I've still got a chance, 3 guys, okay not likely, but I may walk away from it with just some physical wound's that I can get over. 1 100lb little female and I'm fucked. I'm faced with a foe that can cut my achilles heel anytime and anywhere at a whim. Shit, to be honest I'm not feeling so bad right now, I think I've found the most undefeatable opponent in history. She will always win.

Society has decided that. How could I ever fight society.

I'm afraid of women, I now understand why, I don't stand a chance

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#248000 - 09/03/08 08:53 AM Re: Female Rapists and Male Survivor Articles [Re: mogigo]
James Landrith Offline


Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 40
Loc: Alexandria, VA, USA
Had an interesting conversation with a female rape survivor/admitted rapist. She was taunting a male rape survivor on a Yahoo! Answers thread - calling him weak, etc. I sent her a private email and called her out on her shaming and emasculation tactics. She backed down in her response to me and then admitted she had raped her husband repeatedly when unconscious and that he is unaware.

Wow. Then she told me that anything a man does to a woman or a woman does to a man in marriage can never be rape and the partner cannot resist. If they do not consent, the other partner gets to take what they want whenever they want.

And she is a fairly well-known pastor in Virginia. I'll bet she doesn't preach that message quite so clearly from the pulpit.

I feel for her husband and anyone who seeks her counsel with marital affairs.

_________________________
Member of RAINN Speakers Bureau and syndicated blogger
Good Men Project author
Vice President, Men Recovering from Military Sexual Trauma
http://jameslandrith.com

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