Today, I got the chance to spend 30 minutes with new trainees and walking them through basic login information and computer usage. There were only three people, but they were complete strangers this morning when I went in there. Anyway, I found myself not being nervous and enjoying the time very much.
Ok, so maybe that doesn't seem like much of a thing to most people around here. I have always seen myself as someone who is afraid of people, afraid to speak (well sometimes I don't remember words in order to talk in front of people). I never in a million years thought I would ever do something like this and not be nervous or enjoy it for that fact.
Several years ago when I went to my first Voices conference and I was so afraid to even walk in the door, a friendly caring, compassionate face met me there. She welcomed me and welcomed my art work. That experience led to others including doing the workshop a couple of years ago at voices. A little over a year ago when I was doing free lance work and meeting various people, I loved it, but I would get so nervous.
So again, it may not be a big deal to some people but it has and still is a struggle for me. My therapist and I were talking about this and how I want back what I had when I was a newspaper boy in the 5th grade. I wasn't afraid of people and I didn't back down from people. Maybe I got a glimpse of something today that I had never fully seen until now.
I used to think I was going to be someone that hid behind a computer playing with numbers and having little contact with people. But I am beginning to see that I am a person who needs to be around people (and needs to get the hell away from people as well) - there needs to be a good balance for me. I'm definately not a person that can be around other people 24 hours a day... I need my personal private time in a very big way. And as much as people can piss me off, irritate me and drive me nuts, I do enjoy people. They are amusing and sometimes just fun to watch!
Today was just one of those days that sort of opened my eyes a little wider and let me see something that I haven't been able to see. Who knows where it will lead me in the future and who knows what potential lies ahead. Of course I might forget all of this in a day or two, but it was at least exciting to see the glimpse of the unseen.
Thought I would just share this with everyone.