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#247823 - 09/02/08 05:12 AM Surgery...."Max"
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
As most of you know already my handsome and loving irish setter was diagnosed with bone cancer about 2 weeks ago, not to mention my fiancee lost her cat "Babykat" to heart failure 2 days after "max" was given his real tough road ahead.

Anyway this morning he is going in for surgery to amputate his right distal radius ( right leg) i went to bed last night at 11:30 PM and i tossed and turned thinking about the "what if " i could have done more , i wish i could stop the mind racing and blaming myself for not noticing the tumor on his leg sooner......i have been up since 4AM and i've had about 3 hours sleep.

My fiancee has also been up and tossing and turning all night as well.

We've fought at least 3 times in the last 2 weeks, keep in mind we barely ever fight and yet to realize this it's obvious she and i are under alot of stress ( yet to aleive me of the pain / stress i have been dealing with i have been drinking everyday since he was diagnosed ) so i can manage this powerlessness....i' am however an alcoholic ... i therefore it's no wonder why "life" lately has been rough, meanwhile we're getting marred less then a month.

I'm not sure where i'm going with this discussion nor do i have any idea what i'm trying to say.....i don;t know much but i do know this..

I love "max" more then i have loved anyone or anything in my entire life

I want to do more then i have already.

Is there anything anyone can suggest to be there for him and lisa...( my fiancee )

I'm a basket case in need of support / perspective otherwise i'm not sure if i have it in me to be strong for lisa .....is it normal to feel this way about all we're going through...am i being selfish..i need some help..........does anyone have any ideas as to how i can just "be" in case max and lisa needs me........do i have it in me to even consider trying to be me....


Rich

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#247825 - 09/02/08 07:33 AM Re: Surgery...."Max" [Re: thecoopstah]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
coop, i think it natural to make ourselves the subject of all these scenarios that we find ourselves in. however, we are all just one player, one character in a cast of thousands.

men grow up thinking [oops there goes ron stereotying again] that the weight of the world rests upon them, but things run most smoothly and on point when responsibility is shared. that's how trust builds; trust is the crazyglue of all healthy relationships.

lisa may not be wrestling with this in quite the same way you are, but i bet she would rather have you at her side carrying the burden equally, rather than expecting you to prop her up, so to speak.

something tells me she is much stronger that you are able to recognize at this point, but i would give her more credit, and put less pressure on yourself to carry the burden alone.

i think you should be talking with her about this, in addition to sharing it with us. she may, yet again, surprise you!

i am sorry you are having to go thru this experience with max. knowing your past history, your pain must be incredibly magnified to experience a potential loss of such a loved one, particularly because you never had much [or none at all] real love in your formative years.

i keep you all in my thoughts and prayers,

your brother in recovery,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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