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#247617 - 08/31/08 09:59 PM Being alone
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
Now that I have come forward and realized what happened to me as a kid, I have many questions.

I have been a "loner" all of my life. I have never trusted anyone.

I have always thought people are out to hurt me and take advantage of me. The thing about this is, this not a "normal" thought process. It has taken me many years to realize this.

My way of thinking has cost me my wife, and my son.

I have spent many years drinking away what happened to me when I was 4.

I'm trying so hard to change the way I perceive life and people.

It's not getting better.

Is it the drinking or being sexually abused, or both?



Edited by Dude. (08/31/08 09:59 PM)

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#247619 - 08/31/08 10:14 PM Re: Being alone [Re: Dude.]
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Dude,

I can so totally relate, man. Ditto everything you just wrote, except change the abuse age to 8.

I began drinking after I was raped at 16. I have been pretty much drinking ever since.

The loner part gets me though, I hate being alone, since the divorce, but I also find comfort in being alone, when no one is bothering me.

THAT is the perception problem I have....people seem to bother me, or I think they may, so it is easier to be alone.

You are totally correct in that this is not the 'normal thought process' or way to perceive life. We have to work on this, and I am trying. I hope you continue to try, also. Therapy helps, but it isn't everything.


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#247622 - 08/31/08 10:26 PM Re: Being alone [Re: FLRich]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
Thanks for the reply.

Is it a "comfort" thing? Meaning not trusting anyone and choosing to be alone?

My life has hit me hard over the 18 months.

And it all comes from what happened to me as a kid.


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#247624 - 08/31/08 10:34 PM Re: Being alone [Re: Dude.]
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Dude,

I think perhaps I am lazy. I think it is easier for me to just be alone than it is to find decent people to be with. I like to think that most people are decent, and therefore easy to meet.

When I was a kid, I had 'friends' as long as I put out and allowed them to take advantage of me. As soon as they were finished with me, they left. I was at once, both relieved they were gone, but also, sad that I was alone. I eventually built up an invisible fence around myself and allowed very few people in.

I have done this for so long until I think it is 'just my nature' now. I do have friends here that are encouraging me to branch out and meet some 'normal' people. I think it is about time. I ain't gettin' any younger! LOL

You are correct, though, in that it does have something to do with your abuse when you were younger. How could being sexually abused as a child, during your formative years, not have an effect on your perception of the world and the people living in that world?


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#247636 - 08/31/08 11:28 PM Re: Being alone [Re: FLRich]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Dude, I think it can be a combination of the drinking and the abuse, and everything else that could be factored into that. I do think that the loner aspect is something common to so many men who have experienced abuse in childhood. The abuse shaped so much of our personality that is would be unrealistic to think that any child could go through that and not come out the other side with some scars from the process.

Have you been seeing a therapist to help work through some of this stuff? The one thing I've found in my own case that repairing ourselves is really not a do-it-yourself project. A good therapist can really help us dig and get at the inner issues that are causing so many problems from all this.

_________________________
Eddie

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#247638 - 08/31/08 11:36 PM Re: Being alone [Re: FLRich]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
Well, it happened to me twice.

When I came forward, I put the fucker in prison.

I went to counseling and it didn't help.

As far as the alone part, I guess I will be like this for the rest of my life.


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#247643 - 08/31/08 11:46 PM Re: Being alone [Re: EGL]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: EGL
Dude, I think it can be a combination of the drinking and the abuse, and everything else that could be factored into that. I do think that the loner aspect is something common to so many men who have experienced abuse in childhood. The abuse shaped so much of our personality that is would be unrealistic to think that any child could go through that and not come out the other side with some scars from the process.

Have you been seeing a therapist to help work through some of this stuff? The one thing I've found in my own case that repairing ourselves is really not a do-it-yourself project. A good therapist can really help us dig and get at the inner issues that are causing so many problems from all this.


I have been to a therapist, and she is not the one for me.

I have been drinking tonight and I'm more pissed more than ever.

I should not have called the police, I should have knocked on that child molesters door and beat the living hell out of him.

That fucker ruined my life.


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#247648 - 09/01/08 12:00 AM Re: Being alone [Re: Dude.]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Dude.
Now that I have come forward and realized what happened to me as a kid, I have many questions.

I have been a "loner" all of my life. I have never trusted anyone.

Dude. I am so sorry for what you have been through. I also was abused at 4 and some other ages. Yes, I think it is more difficult that was younger. And, yes, I have had to struggle with being a loner. I have several things I do to get out and be with people regularly. For me it is playing music. you might have to figure out what it would be for you.
Originally Posted By: Dude.

I have always thought people are out to hurt me and take advantage of me. The thing about this is, this not a "normal" thought process. It has taken me many years to realize this.

This is a natural effect of what happened to you at 4. You have already made some progress, becuase you admit it is not a normal process. You would make much faster progress if you could find a decent therapist to help you on a weekly basis. But find one that you can get along with and trust. Then keep going. Don't quit. You won't start to find relief until you have had a bunch of sessions.
Originally Posted By: Dude.

My way of thinking has cost me my wife, and my son.
I have spent many years drinking away what happened to me when I was 4.

Unfortunately this is a farely typical event following CSA (child sexual abuse). It is tragic but not unexpected. Drinking is also a farely typical pattern following CSA. You really need some professional help to speed up your recovery process. You might consider joining AA.
Originally Posted By: Dude.

I'm trying so hard to change the way I perceive life and people.
Is it the drinking or being sexually abused, or both?

It sounds like you have some insight already as to what is needed but you are somewhat discouraged and depressed. Yes, you need help with the drinking and the CSA might be considered causitive of the drinking. You can't do it alone. But it can be done. Lots of guys have done it and are still working on it. I am one of those. The guys on this MS site are helpful and will reach out to you. They will include you and answer your questions. You will feel part of a group on the same path. You might consider becoming a member of one of the healing circles going on within MS. There is one forming for Sunday night right now.

Allen

Puffer


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#247649 - 09/01/08 12:20 AM Re: Being alone [Re: pufferfish]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
I'm having a hard time with the religion thing.

I grew up in a Morman household and was raised to believe God and Jesus Christ protects his children.

Well, he didn't protect me.


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#247655 - 09/01/08 01:09 AM Re: Being alone [Re: Dude.]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
If anyone can help me with this, it would be greatly appreciated.

I know I have come across the wrong way in my previous post.

I just need some feedback.

Please help.


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