Newest Members
Won'tGiveUp, sillyputty, Pytbull, manipulated, donmarks
12383 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Beluga (64), Isreal101 (65), Phil Sober (41), phil1973 (41), Teddy Bear (63)
Who's Online
4 registered (Obi, 3 invisible), 30 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12383 Members
74 Forums
63644 Topics
444487 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#24730 - 02/16/04 01:29 PM My experience with SA
I'm Alone Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/15/04
Posts: 9
Loc: USA
When I was victimized (suffered from SA.) I tried to let my family know. I was 12 years old and at that time I donít think that people believed that things like this happened. I told my parents and they would not believe me. I guess they were living in denial.

Within another year my parentís finally broke all ties with their friend who victimized me. I was told that it didnít happen and that was the end of the discussion.

One thing that still depresses me to this day was that this man had a step-son who was a friend of mine. We were the same age and went to the same school. I witnessed his abuse as well. When our familyís separated my friend changed schools and I never saw him again. Anytime I think of what happened to my friend it eats at me. Itís like I abandoned him in his time of need.

I found out recently that my brother was also abused by this son of a bitch. I guess I just need to remind my parents that this didnít happen either.

Iíve had many self-destructive thoughts over the years. Iíve felt the urge of suicide from time to time and the worst thought that has ever come across me is throwing away the life I have to make him suffer or take his away from him. Most of the time it pisses me off when I realize that I know I could do more with my life to help protect others from people like him. I pray everyday for the strength to get by. Iím thankful to finally find some people to talk to. Itís sad that I have to find strangers to believe in me where family wonít.

Thank you all for listening,

Quote:
If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared.
Niccolo Machiavelli (1469 - 1527)


_________________________
If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared.
Niccolo Machiavelli (1469 - 1527

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Top
#24731 - 02/16/04 02:36 PM Re: My experience with SA
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
My brother,

I am so sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad you found this site. There's a lot of wisdom to tap into here, and the brothers and sisters here are among the best people in the world.

Man, I do hear where you're coming from! I've repressed my abuse for many years, and when I finally allowed myself to remember, I was engulfed by the same emotions you've been. I still struggle with it in fact.

It ticks me off that people refuse to believe you when you tell them, and it hurts even more when parents don't, but it did happen. You know it did. What's more, it wasn't your fault and you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. It was his fault, not yours. NEVER WAS IT YOURS!

Another thing. I understand what you mean when you say you feel guilty about your friend and other children hurt by this creep. It's understandable, but you have to let it go. You did what you had to do to survive, and there was nothing more you could've done. You were a child. You were vulnerable, and this idiot took advantage of that.

I know you'll do well on this journey. You seem to be a decent guy and I can't wait to hear what you've got to contribute. If there's one more thing I can tell you, it's this. I say this to everyone here I "meet," and it makes a few uncomfortable, but considering how some of our abusers use our need for this, I like to offer it as a gift. I love you, brother. No strings attached, and nothing in return.

Peace, love, and welcome.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

Top
#24732 - 02/16/04 02:42 PM Re: My experience with SA
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
P.S.

You're not alone anymore. You have much support now.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

Top
#24733 - 02/16/04 05:35 PM Re: My experience with SA
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
'Alone' - there are a lot of people here that will support you and believe you when you say what happened. You can find a lot of strength here....I was also 12 when my abuse happened - not the best thing to have in common!

What happened was not your fault, and you are not to blame for what happened to your friend either. Blame the Perv and those that would not listen...you were only 12.

Best wishes Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#24734 - 02/16/04 08:46 PM Re: My experience with SA
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
'Alone
I hope you can overcome some of your loneliness by coming here, it's a good place to be although the reason we've come together here is not one we'd choose.

The rage we feel against our abusers runs deep, and does us no good. But try to get rid of the rage ? wow, that's some task. Some do though, and others steer the rage into a healthier place. But we know where it comes from and yours is righteous rage.

Try not to beat up on yourself about what you "could have done back then" - remember - you were 12 years old and he was an adult. Try to think back to 12, what more could you have done ? you told someone and they didn't believe you.
That happened to me, and that betrayal is, for me, worse that the actual abuse. I hate the headmaster who betrayed me more than my many abusers. And I guess I always will. He deserves to rot in hell.

So please come an talk with us, join in the discussions and have your say. You deserve to be heard - and believed - however late it is.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#24735 - 02/16/04 08:58 PM Re: My experience with SA
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
See. What did I tell you Alone.

You are not alone now. I echo everyone else's post

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

Top
#24736 - 02/16/04 09:04 PM Re: My experience with SA
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Welcome I'm Alone

Your are not alone. You are not amongst many of good men that have gone through the same s**t.

You did not abandon your friend. Your separation was beyond your control.

Invite your brother here.

Sorry you have a need for this site,

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

Top
#24737 - 02/16/04 09:38 PM Re: My experience with SA
faceinthecrowd Offline
Member

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 40
Hello NOT ALONE,12 was the age when my abuse began.There are no strangers here.Thank God for this site and welcome to a place where you can heal and deal.You have found a place where true friends really want to help.///////////faceintheabuse


Top
#24738 - 02/17/04 12:11 AM Re: My experience with SA
I'm Alone Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/15/04
Posts: 9
Loc: USA
Thanks for all of the support. Iíve been thinking of ways to focus my rage into something health. I donít know how many former military are here but I had an idea. What if we took all of the extra tax dollars we spend on policing the world, bring back our Special Forces and Marines and reassign some duties. Maybe we could have them start policing our countries for sexual and child predators. String them up and have public executions like Fridayís in Saudi Arabia. Iím for it what about you?

On a more realistic note Iím doing what I can to fill this hole I have deep inside of me. I am glad to finally have a place to vent. I should have been hear much sooner. I should have realized my problems and dealt with them years ago. Itís scary to think that I would be on my way to a normal life with a lasting healthy relationship if I didnít try and slough off the past.

Thanks again for everything,

_________________________
If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared.
Niccolo Machiavelli (1469 - 1527

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Top
#24739 - 02/17/04 06:27 PM Re: My experience with SA
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Quote:
I should have been hear much sooner. I should have realized my problems and dealt with them years ago.
It only happens when we're ready to it, I waited 31 years.
I think that if we try to heal at the wrong time, maybe because we've been pushed into it when our secret has been discovered, then the motivation isn't as much as when WE WANT to heal.

Hey, we're men. And if we listen to what women say then we do NOTHING that we don't want to do ! \:D ;\)

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.