alone
forsaken
not forgotten
just rejected
avoided
unwanted

too many years trying to change the unchangeable
when will i be smart enough to just give up

I don't believe that Mark. Sure we feel that way sometimes. Heck, I feel that way right now but I know it isn't true. Feelings aren't rational...they just are.

We're in this boat together.

Mike

Mark,
You are not a quitter!
You fought too hard to give up!
You have so many reasons to continue, to succeed!
You have too many people/family that need you to go on!

You are smart and that is why you are working so HARD.
Most important, You are not Alone!

Ken

but i know otherwise
the pain of loneliness gets worse every week
my whole body agonizes

i don't know that i'm cut out for this "recovery" .... stuff

Mark,

That pain of loneliness is from the abuse of yesterday.
Hang in there for it is today and you are not alone any longer.
Together there is hope for a much brighter tomorrow.

mike

i watch as friends disappear
and you tell me the pain is of yesterday
...
the pain of rejection and humiliation was birthed in my past
the pain of loneliness is something that grows now

and hope is for those who are still young enough to believe.

Mark,

Hope is there for all to behold
Be thee young or old

Friends are but a hand shake away
If we don't just fade... away

The pain is here for now
But it will not always be so

For the future is bright
If we chose the light

mike

hope is for the innocent
the young at heart
the pure

hope is not meant for tired old men

for those that have it - i say hang on to it - but not too tight cuz it's fragile and will shatter.

but when it's gone - learn to accept it.

doesn't make the pain go away - just gives you other ways to deal with it

Hope is a rope
Waiting to be had

Just hanging there
For all to grab

hope is a rope?
sounds like a good way to hang yourself

besides, you cannot fight the truth, which is what this post was first built on.

M

Mark,

A rope has many purposes.
It just depends how youuu choose to use it.

To hang oneself or
Climb out of the pit.

The choice is always ours.

mike

precisely

Mark,

Your in my prayers.

mike

well, i'd say that put an end to this discussion
goodnight, sir

Mark,

Just have to recognize when someone is trying to push buttons.

mike

i don't believe that of you - which leaves the concept that you believe it of me. which is your choice. if so, i apologize - it wasn't my intent. perhaps it would have been best if i hadn't started this lame thread.

again - my apologies.

MarkK,

Sometimes the pain of lonliness is so much I physically wretch and wail, litterly.

I have just started to remember and to work on healing, last night I was so alone I did not know where to turn, but I made it through the night and although the day has it ups and downs there are people I know and I don't want them ever to doubt that I love them and need them them. Therefore I stand, or curl up and let the loneliness come at me and then when the wave ebss I move forward,

MarkK stand with us hear, or huddle with me you are not alone we are here and we need your voice.

Dave

the one thing nobody needs is me
especially here
it was a nice sentiment Dave, thank you - but it's not true

take care

MarkK

You need to DO something about it and not just sit there with a clipboard, chalking up another one every time a so-called friend leaves.

There are lots and lots of people in your territory, and many of them are potential friends for YOU.

On your clipboard instead of making marks for friends lost, devise a plan of how you can meet new safe friends. Clubs, organizations related to your interests, develop new interests. Take up clogging or square dancing or something. Become a plumber and take up unclogging.

Maybe you need to redefine who you are somewhat.

Become ACTIVE to remidy your situation.

Allen

puffer

i have ... redefined ... who i am for years, trying to be what others wanted/expected/whatever - so i could have "friends".

instead, i think maybe i need to finally accept what i am. and am not.

m

I thought I was a friend

You pushed me away
and I said fuck you.
You took so much time
but I said "I get you"

Time went on
and I knew what the issue was
I've spent so much time
pushing away, what in my mind what worked

I'm sad now Mark
I know you don't need me
it won't stop my life
it won't stop my life

but I'm sad Mark
not a poem to make you sad
not a poem to make you feel bad
not a poem to gain anything

Just a poem to say I'm sad


Mike

Mike - i initially responded to this ...

but i decided i'm not going to have this discussion again - and especially not in public

M

Hey Mark, I so understand those feelings.

Met with my T yesterday and one thing that came up is that apparently I'm afraid of being alone and isolated.... yet this is exactly what I do to myself all the time.... how weird is that?

Don't give up, perhaps sometime in October we can hang out and watch everyone leave us alone ;-)

Don't sound weird to me - sounds like you've been reading out of my journal ...


... put a sign overhead that reads "Purposed Rejects Only" ... ?

M

sorry, you're right, I'll leave you ALONE

The thing about sarcasm is one never knows if it is a jest or not.

ok... I'll bite & offer this in the spirit of giving you what you have asked for.

"Here at MS you can be called
by anything desired
sometimes Big M or little m
for now you are Pariah
Pariah, Pariah, I'll call Mark K Pariah" *

*sung to the tune of "They call the wind Mariah" from "Paint Your Wagon"

Br'oddway C

i'd change the 'M' to 'K' - in keeping with my posting name

'Pariah, Pariah, I'll call Mark K Pariah'

when i titled my poem, i wasn't thinking of it as an actual request ... but i suppose if that's how it's seen, then an answer to it is to be expected - and therefor accepted - in the very spirit it would appear to have been given.

M&m

I have an unopened copy of Paint Your Wagon in VHS if anyone would like to borrow or buy it!!!

Sorry to see you hurting again, my man, so I thought that you might enjoy some more of my sick kind of humor again!!!

Hoping that you are feeling better.

Broomfield Mark

Mark,

You comment that hope is for the young, but I don't believe that. I think we are never too old to hope; that's what keeps us going from one day to the next, even when things look very dark indeed.

Much love,
Larry