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#247128 - 08/28/08 07:36 PM I will
kutcher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
Been on this site for a very short time and I can't begin to tell you the comfort it has brought me.

While driving home today something just came over me and I begin to laugh and cry, it felt like my body and head would explode if I did not put words to thoughts and declare to those around me
What I will

So my apologies for the lenght and ramdomness of it but here it goes

I will re-dicover the beuty in the world
I will heal the child inside and become the man I want to be
I will lean to laugh at the darkness when it comes and howl at the moon.
I will heal myself, physically, sprititually and emotionally
I will sing kareoke loud and not care who hears it
I will climb mountains
I will swim lakes
I will stand on a ledge at the wonderfulness of the world be mine
I will stop the pain
I will stop being a victime and I will move beyond a survivor to being a revalor
I will learn to turn off the voices of my parents in my head
I will lean to not let that bastard of a priest control my life anymore
I will mavel at butterflies and stand rejoice under waterfalls
I will lean to live healthy and feed myself good food and good thoughts
I will let others in to console me and I will except the love they offer
I will let my wife know everyday how special she is and never let her forget it.
I will revel in the person she had become and celebrate the person that is emerging
I will learn to love and deal with my parents and make them part of my world
I will let music take a hold of me and dance and move no matter the laughter of others
I wll let myself cry and wail when it hurts
I will also cry at joy there is in the world
I will be the best father and husband I kind be
I will find friends and learn to trust and let them in
I will allow myself to feel
I will let myself be held and not cringe back
I will find the goodness in everyone again
I will learn live and not exist
I will take a bites out of life and let the juice flow
I will declare the love for my wife to everyone and anyone weather they will listen or not
I will never let my son forget how special and kind he is and how proud I am of him and the person he is becoming.
I will take a class for the joy of learning somehting I want

I will continue to look to heal and go through the pain

I hope those closest to me will join be but I will do these thing with them or own my own

I will no longer exist in the world and let life move past, I will be loud, happy, sad and participate in life

I will feel good about myself and learn to love me.

I will think good things about me

I will continue to make jokes but I will stop using them to keep people at a distance.

Well I don't believ this is the final list but it was a good start for me. I laughed I cried the I let the boy and the man speak and now I will share this with the world and declare I am David, I am stronger than my past and better than many would have you believe

And the hell to anyone who does not like it.

I am not sure if this is the right place to post this so let me know. I think I will copy it into a members forum and give a copy to my therapist.

Thanks for listening, I hope you all know how special you are for listening and providing this space.

My Love, Strentgh and Sorrow to you all

Dave


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#247132 - 08/28/08 07:42 PM Re: I will [Re: kutcher]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
dave, my joy is full reading this! you could post this in the poetry forum. wow are we ever blest to have such a vibrant spirit among us!



your brother in recovery,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#247135 - 08/28/08 07:46 PM Re: I will [Re: Sans Logos]
jf Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 54
dave man what you're saying is that you're going to live you life! thats an awesome step and revelation for you man. congratulations!!

j


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#247335 - 08/29/08 08:53 PM Re: I will [Re: jf]
kutcher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
jf,

Thanks I felt a very silly after writing it and when I read it I wasn't so sure I should have put it out. Thanks for the understanding and the back slap

Dave


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#247347 - 08/29/08 10:12 PM Re: I will [Re: kutcher]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 114
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
AWESOME!!!!!!

_________________________
GD

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#247368 - 08/30/08 01:34 AM Re: I will [Re: River]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 862
Loc: washington
I will dance in the flowers, as the dragonflies swirl about, while I let the music do the talking.

KEEP WORKING ON YOUR LIST...!!!


It's cool and I'm down.

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#247393 - 08/30/08 09:02 AM Re: I will [Re: 1islandboy]
kutcher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
island:

Great addition, very poetic and visual I can vision it now.

Thanks

Dave


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#247401 - 08/30/08 09:58 AM Re: I will [Re: kutcher]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: TEXAS
Hi Kutcher.
Boy great words, I just wish that I could do half of them. Heal well my friend.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#247403 - 08/30/08 10:04 AM Re: I will [Re: petercorbett]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Very cool, Dave! You have an attitude of determination and hope - it will help you greatly in recovery.

_________________________
Eddie

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#247448 - 08/30/08 02:04 PM Re: I will [Re: EGL]
kutcher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
Pete and Eddie,

Thanks for adding your support, it feels good, the warm embrace of friendship and support is washing over me.

Dave


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#247475 - 08/30/08 04:20 PM Re: I will [Re: kutcher]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Dave,

I will be here and be your friend.

Thanks for such a positive post.

mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#247477 - 08/30/08 04:30 PM Re: I will [Re: michael banks]
kutcher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
Mike,

Thanks. Having a crazy day today with all kind of triggers, your note helps.

Dave


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#247548 - 08/31/08 01:05 AM Re: I will [Re: kutcher]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
I have always resonated way too much with the old adage "If it sounds to good to be true, it probably is." and my own version is "If it sounds too good to be true, check purse or wallet and make sure they haven't already got your money."

But I think for me as a survivor I have got too much into thinking/feeling/believing that anything good has got to be too good to be true..that there's always a catch or string attached and I hate how much I'm right about that too, but I do believe recovery is possible and if I'm wrong I'm happily wrong. \:\)




_________________________
My Story
My Art

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