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#246743 - 08/27/08 10:37 AM Confrontation/Accomplished
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
As many of my friends here at Male Survivor know, I set out this past week to confront my brother. His sexual abuse of me and my body took place many years ago. This "mission" was for my benefit only. My constant nightmares is something that has effected me for so very long. I am hoping and praying with this big step behind me, the nightmares will lesson.

The confrontation took place Sunday, in my hotel room, near where my brother lives in northern Wisconsin. What I set out to do and say was accomplished. I am very happy and feel good about how I "held up".

I did not get a response back from him what I had hoped for. And I was fully aware and ready for the lack of response from him. HE NEVER ADMITTED TO SEXUALLY ABUSING ME NOR DID HE SAY HE WAS SORRY.

He left by saying, "I guess this is it between us"? I just said, "that is up to you". So he now has that choice to make. But I now know, whatever happens will be on my terms.

I don't know right now how I really feel emotionally about this. I have 6 other siblings that I did also send/mail a letter to last Friday. I did not specify who my abuser was, but I don't think it will be very hard for them to come to the conclusion, it was their other brother who abused me.

I may write/post more later.

Thanks for listening

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#246744 - 08/27/08 11:08 AM Re: Confrontation/Accomplished [Re: KENKEN]
conflicted Offline


Registered: 08/02/08
Posts: 45
Loc: Greenville, SC
Ken,

You are amazing! thank you for letting us know the outcome. even though your brother's response was not what you wanted, your step in healing has happened. i am so proud of you... for your courage and fortitude... and RESOLVE. btw: at least he came to meet you.

When i confronted my perp, it did not turn out this way... i was raped again. But I still feel that i had to do it, and if i were given the opportunity to go back to that day, as painful as it was, i would still choose to confront him.

you are among friends who care for you... keep in touch!

bill

_________________________
Masquerades are a lot of fun, until you see it is really your life.


my story...finally out *triggers*

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#246750 - 08/27/08 11:41 AM Re: Confrontation/Accomplished [Re: conflicted]
Born to Resist Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/30/05
Posts: 269
Loc: Southern California, USA
That is awesome! You are very brave!! I hope that one day I can do what you have done. Most importantly you did this for you on your terms!

Courage-Spirituality-Wisdom


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#246770 - 08/27/08 01:48 PM Re: Confrontation/Accomplished [Re: Born to Resist]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Congratulations! Good Show! I know it was a difficult step to make and, however satisfying or unsatisfying the outcome may be as far as your brother's reaction, it's still a huge milestone for you I'd say. Salutations soldier!


_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#246772 - 08/27/08 01:54 PM Re: Confrontation/Accomplished [Re: KENKEN]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Ken,

His response was inconsequential to your recovery; you did this for you and you alone! I'm very proud of you. You went into this knowing that you might be ostracized from your family. So many people just don't understand how we have been affected by the CSA that happened a long time ago. Time doesn't heal wounds like ours; the truth does.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#246774 - 08/27/08 02:00 PM Re: Confrontation/Accomplished [Re: Stephen_5]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
As I've said to you in person, on the phone, and in PM's - I am very proud of you, Ken! When things started to look like they were going to fall apart - you took control and brought it back on course. You managed it. You kept control of your safety.

The outcome may have not been everything you wanted - but it DID take place. On your terms.

You remain an inspiration to me to forge ahead.

M


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#246776 - 08/27/08 02:18 PM Re: Confrontation/Accomplished [Re: MarkK]
kutcher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
Ken,

What an amazing act on your part. I don't think I could have done it. You are quite brave and you give me hope that someday I will be at that point as well.


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#246795 - 08/27/08 04:06 PM Re: Confrontation/Accomplished [Re: KENKEN]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Ken,

You ARE the man! Wow! That's just how we are to take back control from those who seized it from us when we were too young and defenseless to stop it.

I am sure your brother is in shock now. He knows what he did to you. He always knew. Now he knows you are no longer a victim. You, sir, are free of his power and control.

You are an inspiration to us all Ken. Thank you for not only taking this huge, scary step forward in your recovery but thank you for sharing it with us too.

Mike



Edited by Barkabus (08/27/08 04:07 PM)
_________________________
My Story

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#246798 - 08/27/08 04:15 PM Re: Confrontation/Accomplished [Re: conflicted]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Quote:
When i confronted my perp, it did not turn out this way... i was raped again.


{{{{{Bill}}}}}

Unbelievable! This is horrible. I am so sorry that in your attempt to confront and take control back that your perp just did what he has always done...brutally take it from you again.

This may be worth its own thread. I'd like to know what the aftermath was for you and how you came to the place of knowing you still did the right thing and would do it over again. Of course only if you feel safe enough to talk about it. Again, this is probably suited for another thread.

Mike

_________________________
My Story

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#247038 - 08/28/08 12:29 PM Re: Confrontation/Accomplished [Re: Barkabus]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Ken,

You just took great leap forward in your recovery.
I am so proud of you.
Your brother's reaction was really immaterial anyway.
Keep us updated on how your family reacts to your letters.
wish you the best.

mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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