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#246650 - 08/26/08 05:32 PM He is someone else
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
I haven't been on the board this month except for some private messages. It has just been too hard. I just wanted to post an update. My husband filed for divorce today. He is 100% sure he does not want to be married anymore. He has turned into a different person. He is going out with a group of guys that he used to consider SLIME. He is out in bars until 2 in the morning. He has met back up with some girl he knew growing up. She is 'just a friend' and he is taking her out with these people. He has described her as a 'hard biker chick'. He slept on her couch (supposedly) all weekend.

I cannot convey on this post how much of a TOTALLY OPPOSITE person my husband has become. We were together every single day for 7 years. Now he says this 'new' life is who he really is and he was faking all those years 'trying to be a perfect person'. If you could create my polar opposite - it would be this train wreck of a tramp he is 'friends' with. And these guys are his polar opposite.

When he started this job, he didn't hang out with them - he came home to me. He said that he hoped to be an example to them as to how to live their lives. Now he has become one of them.

He insisted that I move out a few weeks ago.

Even though he is doing all this - he still says he loves me just a much as ever. When I asked why I never got to go out with him & those guys - he said he didn't want me around those type of people because he cared about me too much. He says that even though we are getting a divorce, he CANNOT LOOSE ME from his life. I am the ONLY PERSON HE EVER GAVE HIS HEART TOO, OR EVER WOULD. He says that I am his BEST FRIEND. He says he misses me.

But one night I was at the house dropping off some paperwork. He was talking to me, rubbing my arm, the whole bit - SHE called and he said bye to me and went and talked to HER. Yet he insists it has nothing to do with her. HE IS TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF. He feels that he has been living a lie, even before he met me.

He doesn't talk to anyone WE know. He hasn't even told his family. He has just become someone else and I am DYING. I catch little glimmers of him from time to time - but then he's gone again. Up to 2 days ago, we were still having a physical relationship (incredibley unhealthy - I KNOW).

He is running away from everything good and submersing himself in everything bad. WHY WHY WHY??? He wouldn't even drink a beer at a BBQ before. He liked to eat dinner every night and be in bed by 10. He says he was just pretending to be perfect and that is why I loved him. I think all of you know that we are well aware our spouses are not perfect, especially with their special set of issues due to the CSA.

He says I was everything, but he is walking away like I am nothing. I am the only one who knows what the deep down issue is - but he won't deal with that - apparently he thinks this "new" life will keep him occupied enough to keep his mind off it.

These people have said "just do what makes you happy - get a divorce" - that is like telling a drug addict "do what makes you happy - have some crack".

I start therapy on Thursday. I am medicated because I started having really bad panic attacks. He took all his problems - gave them to me, then walked away.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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#246653 - 08/26/08 06:11 PM Re: He is someone else [Re: LittleMiss]
coaster fan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/17/07
Posts: 11
Dear LittleMiss,
I am so sorry this happened to you.
I sure know what you mean when you say he gave all of his problems to you, and walked away.
Take Care of yourself, and best wishes,
CF


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#246701 - 08/26/08 11:34 PM Re: He is someone else [Re: coaster fan]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
LittleMiss,
I am so, so sorry. My H says the same thing, that I'm the "best thing that ever happened" to him, but when asked if he'd mind if I kissed another man or had an affair due to all his rejection for so long, he says NO, he would not mind. What the ... .. ???

I have no idea what's going on either. Next month will be our 16th anniversary. He's filled too much of my life with (lies?) for me to just "forget about it."

I don't have any advice, only a kindred heart. This is a nightmare for so many of us. I'm on medication too. The horrible adrenaline rushes kept coming, but still I keep waking up to this horrible reality every day. So far it's been like having a really, really bad car accident every day for the past two years.

I've been shopping like crazy and so now I've got major credit card debt too. I'm just trying to help myself feel better.

Personally sometimes I think the only way to get rid of the pain would be to go into a hospital, go to sleep for about six months, and have a lobotomy to boot.

Girl, just know you are not alone. Thank goodness we have this site so we can meet others who are going through THE EXACT SAME THING. I know I would not be able to deal otherwise. This whole thing is too much for any one person to handle on their own.

Take care of YOURSELF.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#246702 - 08/26/08 11:35 PM Re: He is someone else [Re: coaster fan]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
Oh my. I'm sorry, so sorry it has come to this. I was hoping that things would get better....hugs to you my friend. Chin up, I'm glad you are seeing a therapist.

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#246705 - 08/26/08 11:47 PM Re: He is someone else [Re: dangal]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
LittleMiss,

I read your story above and just sank in my chair. I'm so sorry you're going through this, it sounds like he has just pulled the rug out from under you and is now watching you fall.

I was glad to hear you say you have a T, as I think that will help a lot to get you through this. My first wife walked away from our marriage almost 30 years ago now, and it was not what I wanted to happen at the time. A lot of what you said about your husband sounded familiar to me, and made me hurt for you. I hope you get some peace in all this, you deserve so much better.

_________________________
Eddie

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#246706 - 08/27/08 12:18 AM Re: He is someone else [Re: EGL]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
LittleMiss,

I am thinking of you. This has left me speechless. I want to say something supportive, but I am angry for you. You did not deserve any of this. He had no right to disrespect you like this. This is the sad truth for many of us. We give our men all of our love and support. We bend over backwards to make it all work. We sometimes sacrifice our own self esteem, we put aside our needs, we try and try and try, all for what?????? In the end sometimes it is still not enough. The sad reality is that this could be anyone of us at anytime. None of it is a sure thing. It's all a great big crap shoot. THIS IS JUST NOT FAIR!!!!

I guess I was not as speechless as I thought. Sorry for the rant.
You are a good person, I wish you did not have to go through this. Go to Therapy, focus on you, and distance yourself from him. YOU NEED THE BREAK, for your own wellbeing.

Warmly, NYDAISY


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#246715 - 08/27/08 02:53 AM Re: He is someone else [Re: NY Daisy]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
I was thinking that exact same thing, this could be any of us at any time. We have no way of knowing what is going to trigger what and where the bottom is. It's awful and unfair. Little Miss has been an amazing woman and I don't see how he could walk away from that.

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#246718 - 08/27/08 04:50 AM Re: He is someone else [Re: dangal]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
LittleMiss,
Sorry to hear it's come to that. My ex-fiancee and i went from being the sort of couple that made other people sick from how rosy our life together was, to four years later sleeping apart, barely speaking, and mutually miserable. At the end, i would come home from work and hope there wouldn't be anything delaying going up to my "office", getting stoned, and surfing the net all night, while she just stayed down on the couch, numbly watching TV or finding any excuse to get out of the house for a while.

We'd have bouts of trying to get back to how it used to be, but i was too driven by my need to escape my own head, and she finally had enough, and left me. Today, i deeply regret how things turned out, and the pain and confusion i caused her, but there wouldn't have been any way of getting me to see anything at the time; i had to go through what i had to go through before getting to the point i'm at today.

We're friends today, but there's no way we'd ever get back together. She might've tried to stick it out beyond what she did, but in reality her decision was the best possible thing for both of us; she loved me, but realized she had to protect herself first. I was the one who couldn't admit the relationship had crumbled into a disaster, and would tell her things like your man's told you, and try to convince myself it was her inability to accept "the real me" that was the problem, rather than my inexplicable change in attitude and behavior.

Sorry for the long story, but i figured a sympathetic perspective from the other side of the coin might help a little.
At this point, you don't need your head being messed with being added to your heartbreak- it may sound harsh, but that sort of behavior of his is unacceptable, whether he can "help it" or not.
I had relationships in the past where i was manipulated into serving as their emotional toilet paper, where the rules always changed, i was always focused on *her*, and frantically struggling to keep up- all the time thinking it was something *i* was doing wrong.

Get some distance, and some solid support, and though it still hurts, over time clearly defined boundaries make any future events or interactions with him something you can cope with, without staying up all night twisting your head into knots.

BTW, you are *all* amazing women, don't forget that!

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#246726 - 08/27/08 08:29 AM Re: He is someone else [Re: dgoods]
Rachael Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/27/07
Posts: 11
Loc: Qld Australia
Its been 4 days since he came back from a work trip and said he was unhappy and wants a break from me. Totally blindsided me. Ive slept 12 hours in those 4 days since and seen him for a total of 4. In the almost 2 years we have been together he has been Bi, straight, a guy no a girl no a guy no a girl and finally decided a few weeks ago that he WAS a guy. He blames his unhappiness on ME being unpredictable.


I have no words of advise, Im just another partner suffering because I cared.


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#246729 - 08/27/08 09:15 AM Re: He is someone else [Re: LittleMiss]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Dear LittleMiss:

I'm so sorry for your pain in this. Something I've come to realize just recently may apply to this as well. When people treat others in their life poorly, especially those that they love the most, it is a true reflection on how they actually feel about themselves. I know this does not subtract how rotten this deal is, but it does seem that this may be the case here.

I know the only thing that you desire is for him to do a complete turn around. Even if it did, would you ever truly believe that it could go back to the way it was? Could you trust him again or would you be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life?

In speaking to a variety of people over the past few years, I've begun to wonder if relationships are not truly designed to enable us to learn some profound lesson with each person. Once we have learned that lesson and grown, maybe there is something in the structure within us all that propells us forward onto a deeper level of enlightenment. Maybe either a couple grows together in a shared enlightenment or they grow apart to seek this on their own. Perhaps this is all a natural process but once something as difficult as csa is tossed into the equation, there is havhoc in our lives. Maybe I'm way off base here but then again, maybe there is some truth to this.

I am sending you positive support. I believe we all have a special destiny while here and I hope once this overwhelm passes, you find your happiness in that destiny. Life is way too short than to be showered in someone elses issues.

What another poster indicated further down on how he dumped his issues on you and left them there really seems like the proper perspective. Now it is your turn to leave those issues behind and live a positive life carrying only the good that you choose to carry.

Best wishes,
S-n-S



Originally Posted By: LittleMiss
I haven't been on the board this month except for some private messages. It has just been too hard. I just wanted to post an update. My husband filed for divorce today. He is 100% sure he does not want to be married anymore. He has turned into a different person. He is going out with a group of guys that he used to consider SLIME. He is out in bars until 2 in the morning. He has met back up with some girl he knew growing up. She is 'just a friend' and he is taking her out with these people. He has described her as a 'hard biker chick'. He slept on her couch (supposedly) all weekend.

I cannot convey on this post how much of a TOTALLY OPPOSITE person my husband has become. We were together every single day for 7 years. Now he says this 'new' life is who he really is and he was faking all those years 'trying to be a perfect person'. If you could create my polar opposite - it would be this train wreck of a tramp he is 'friends' with. And these guys are his polar opposite.

When he started this job, he didn't hang out with them - he came home to me. He said that he hoped to be an example to them as to how to live their lives. Now he has become one of them.

He insisted that I move out a few weeks ago.

Even though he is doing all this - he still says he loves me just a much as ever. When I asked why I never got to go out with him & those guys - he said he didn't want me around those type of people because he cared about me too much. He says that even though we are getting a divorce, he CANNOT LOOSE ME from his life. I am the ONLY PERSON HE EVER GAVE HIS HEART TOO, OR EVER WOULD. He says that I am his BEST FRIEND. He says he misses me.

But one night I was at the house dropping off some paperwork. He was talking to me, rubbing my arm, the whole bit - SHE called and he said bye to me and went and talked to HER. Yet he insists it has nothing to do with her. HE IS TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF. He feels that he has been living a lie, even before he met me.

He doesn't talk to anyone WE know. He hasn't even told his family. He has just become someone else and I am DYING. I catch little glimmers of him from time to time - but then he's gone again. Up to 2 days ago, we were still having a physical relationship (incredibley unhealthy - I KNOW).

He is running away from everything good and submersing himself in everything bad. WHY WHY WHY??? He wouldn't even drink a beer at a BBQ before. He liked to eat dinner every night and be in bed by 10. He says he was just pretending to be perfect and that is why I loved him. I think all of you know that we are well aware our spouses are not perfect, especially with their special set of issues due to the CSA.

He says I was everything, but he is walking away like I am nothing. I am the only one who knows what the deep down issue is - but he won't deal with that - apparently he thinks this "new" life will keep him occupied enough to keep his mind off it.

These people have said "just do what makes you happy - get a divorce" - that is like telling a drug addict "do what makes you happy - have some crack".

I start therapy on Thursday. I am medicated because I started having really bad panic attacks. He took all his problems - gave them to me, then walked away.




Edited by sweet-n-sour (08/27/08 09:25 AM)
_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#246730 - 08/27/08 09:24 AM Re: He is someone else *DELETED* [Re: Rachael]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Post deleted by sweet-n-sour

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#246732 - 08/27/08 09:36 AM Re: He is someone else [Re: sweet-n-sour]
Abigale Offline


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Northern NJ
Hi Rachael
I am speechless as well. I will keep you in my prayers. This site is wonderful. Helped me to understand that it is not me. It is him. My H is in T and it is helping him.
Good luck


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#246813 - 08/27/08 05:53 PM Re: He is someone else [Re: Abigale]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
Thank you all so much for your positive words. I know that I have gone on and on in these boards in the past few months, so I wanted to send out an update incase anyone was wondering.

Yesterday was my husbands birthday & we filed papers. THEN he called me last night about 9:30 and wanted to come over to "see me for his birthday" (we did NOT do anything physical). He said he ALWAYS wants to see me on his birthday. I said, that next year, that probably would not happen. He again said "you don't know what next year will be like, maybe we will be back together next year".

THEN about 15 minutes later when he was leaving, he started to spiral out of control. He said that he couldn't talk to me because there was too much emotion involved, but he could talk t her because there was no emotion. I asked what they talked about and he said "You have NO right to ask me that!" Then, he turned everything back on me - I didn't leave him alone, I had false hope, I was hanging on when we were obviously getting a divorce, he was trying to be my friend - but I was reading so much more into it.

I said YOU call me. EVERYDAY. YOU said "maybe we'll be back together". He said - "well, I was just being honest, but I guess I can't even be honest with you anymore".

So basically it came down to the fact that HE said we might get back together - which to him is how he feels & is the truth. But because I believed him, then I had false hope and was reading too much into it. There is no logic.

He gets really out of control too - face turns to stone, yells, hits himself, it is horrible & I can't even touch him.

I finally contacted his family. I gave them his cell# so they could call him for his B-Day. He didn't tell his sister we were getting a divorce - but he did tell his brother. He said we had "mutually agreed that it wasn't working out and we would be better as friends and we were both fine with it". ?!?!?!

They both called me as soon as they got off the phone with him. They both said "what is going on?!? he sounds like a totally different person"

So, I told them everything. It is my last hope to help him. Especially his brother, because he knows EVERYTHING. He knows about the CSA and how my husband has bouts of depression and everything. My husband would HATE that we were "talking about him", but I didn't know what else to do. I needed someone else to see the insanity (for lack of a better word). Someone else to CARE.

We talked several times today about a truck he is buying. He talks to me like I'm just someone he's making small talk with. I have to watch everything I say - so that I'm not "prying" or "judging" or "third degreeing".

I'm going away for the weekend - maybe we won't talk. It would be the first time in 7 years. (sigh) Everyone says I'll be ok (everyone that doesn't know the WHOLE situation). I just don't feel like I'll EVER be ok. And I don't think he will either.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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#246943 - 08/28/08 01:35 AM Re: He is someone else [Re: LittleMiss]
coaster fan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/17/07
Posts: 11
"you don't know what next year will be like, maybe we will be back together next year".

Dear Little Miss,
He certainly takes you and your love so much for granted, doesn't he?
I have heard of unconditional love, but this is really something else!
Good luck, and best wishes. You take care of yourself, please,
CF


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#246948 - 08/28/08 03:02 AM Re: He is someone else [Re: coaster fan]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 861
Loc: washington
Dear Little Miss,

My heart bleeds for you.

I'm not sure if this helps, but I had a similar nervous breakdown many years ago.

I know it's hard, but I don't think its fair for him to live a double life, and expect to stay friends.

As you are handing out the life jackets, DON'T FORGET TO PUT ONE ON...!!!


Lunatic fringe, I know your out there. You're in heartache and I know what your looking for...(Red Rider)

Protect YOUR sanity...!!!

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#247032 - 08/28/08 12:00 PM Re: He is someone else [Re: 1islandboy]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
LittleMiss,

My thoughts are with you. Try to have a good time this weekend. I think you did the right thing. Maybe his family can help him somewhat, and it takes a little of the pressure off you.

He really needs to get help for all this, if he doesn't he may never find himself or peace.

We are all here for you, NYDAISY


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#247035 - 08/28/08 12:15 PM Re: He is someone else [Re: NY Daisy]
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
Hi LittleMiss,

We've talked lots about your situation and I am right there with you every step given that my husband is doing very similar things. But, I think now is the time for you to step aside. You trying to be his friend and trying to be his supporter is not good for you anymore. I know you know that you didn't do anything to deserve this, but you also don't deserve to continuously be subjected to this.

I think you need to take the weekend and not have any contact with him. When you return, if he asks why you didn't answer/return his calls, be straight with him - you love him, you want to be there for him. But, just as he needs to take steps to care for himself, you are doing the same thing. You will not allow yourself to be blamed anymore. So if he wants you in his life, he is going to have to control himself to treat you with respect. You need to cut the cord because it is starting to be a noose around your neck.

To use Islandboy's analogy, he is drowning. It is human nature to reach out to grab who is closest. But, often that person ends up drowning too. Do not let yourself drown in your effort to help him. Do what they teach in life-safey; throw a life-ring out to him for support, but keep your distance. Protect yourself first.

_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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#247039 - 08/28/08 12:36 PM Re: He is someone else [Re: Junefriday]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
Well said June, LIttleMiss, I agree 100% with what she said.


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#247122 - 08/28/08 06:59 PM Re: He is someone else [Re: NY Daisy]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
You guys are great and I am so thankful that you are here. I went to my FIRST therapy session today. And I liked my therapist. I am going once a week for a while. Today was just "assessment" and I told her everything (well - everything I could fit into the hour and a half assessment time). She was mostly just getting the story today, but she did say a few things.

She said that even though I love him, I am not RESPONSIBLE for him. (that is a HARD one for me)

She said it sounds like his guilt of trying to live two completely different lives is eating him up inside and that may be why he is so insistant that I am "ok" and we are "friends".

I need to set BOUNDARIES - because he has created this entire situation and up to this point, been completely in control of this situation. (Ok - we all knew that, right?!?)

And - I set my first boundary!!! I am going out of town this weekend - leaving Friday after work and not coming back until Monday night. He has to keep our dog. He works Saturday, but is off Sunday & Monday. Last weekend he stayed at HER house all weekend because I had the dog. So, he wants to go to an amusement park on Sunday and "just doesn't know what else he'll get into this weekend", but was HINTING that I should come home on Sunday and get the dog so that he had at least Sunday & Monday to himself. I said "nope- already made the travel arrangements, sorry".

Well, then in the meantime, a friend said she'd take the dog for the weekend. So he called me today at work "to make sure I was still alive" because he hadn't talked to me since yesterday afternoon. I told him our friend would take the dog. He was like "great, are you going to take him to her house & pick him up?" Nope - opposite direction of where I'm going. You can call her and make arrangements if you want her to take him.

I know that all may sound trivial - but it is a HUGE step for me. I usually MOVE the freaking WORLD so that he is never inconvenienced or uncomfortable.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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#247124 - 08/28/08 07:16 PM Re: He is someone else [Re: LittleMiss]
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
Good for you LittleMiss! That is a very huge step. I am so proud of you!

_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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#247145 - 08/28/08 08:36 PM Re: He is someone else [Re: Junefriday]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
I agree - good for you LittleMiss!!!!! When a relationship or marriage breaks up, the idea of "being friends" is a nice one, but it's false and unhealthy. It might be possible after some time has passed, but it is NOT possible immediately after a break. Why? because people need to re-adjust their whole life. We need to grieve a loss. Without grieving, the wound stays fresh and oozes constantly.

You've been allowing him to string you along because you love him and didn't want any of this in the first place. He, on the other hand, is simply afraid to live his life without you. I believe he doesn't know how to so he keeps pulling at your heartstrings. He has all of the comforts of the home you made together because he forced you to move. Now, he's playing like a teenager whose parents are out of town. It's grossly unfair.

Enjoy the hell out of your weekend and DON'T answer the phone. You need some peace!!

ROCK ON........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#247193 - 08/29/08 12:14 AM Re: He is someone else [Re: Junefriday]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!


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#247195 - 08/29/08 12:46 AM Re: He is someone else [Re: NY Daisy]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Little Miss,
I am so proud of you for handling this as well as you are. Maybe it will be easier to set your boundaries without him around you all the time.

I also wanted to point you toward my post titled "T says H's Narcissism is bigger prob than his CSA". Your H sounds so much like mine, twists and turns everything around to look like YOU are the bad guy, has a temper, etc. Read the link I put in that other post and see if it matches up. There are ways to cope and deal and respond to a person's Narcissism. I am learning all about it now. I encourage you to do it if you think it's one of his traits, because it will help you whether you ever get back together or not. As long as you have dealings with him, it helps to know how to respond to him so he doesn't manipulate you any more.

You have done all the right things, incl. getting his family aware of this. He needs people to tell him "Your Game Is Over."
Good luck and have a calm and peaceful weekend.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
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