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#246624 - 08/26/08 02:51 PM lonely
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
the thing about loneliness, is i sometimes feel lonely

i feel lonely now

i could pick up the phone and go and do something or ask somebody to talk, but i don't

and i feel lonely

why?

maybe i have got a lot on my mind

disordered mind, confused, so many things- i am ordering things, owning things, and i am not doing it alone

so why do i get that feeling of loneliness, it is not because i am alone, i am not alone, it is not because nobody cares, people do care

it is not because i don't think people understand, i know people do understand

so what is it?

i don't know

i want to talk to my dad, i want my dad to talk to me, but i don't know what about

what do i want from him?

i want to cry with him, i know he loves me, he told me, i know he believed me when i disclosed, he told me, i know he didn't blame me, he told me, i just want him to hold me and i want to be able to cry with him, because for so long i thought he would be ashamed of me and hate me and not love me if he found out

i just want to cry with him, i want him to hold me like he used to do when i was little

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#246634 - 08/26/08 03:56 PM Re: lonely [Re: king tut]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
The thing with your dad sounds a bit like what your inner child wants. Have you done any inner-child work yet? I think that it is great that your dad has been supportive, because mine was always the opposite. I could never please my dad no matter how hard I tried. He died nine years ago without our resolving my issues. So you are quite a ways ahead of me in that regard.

It is fairly normal after leaving from high school and starting to attend college to begin to lose touch with our high school friends and to have to begin to make new friends, and there can be some lonely times in-between. My own oldest nephew is in his 2nd year of college and has already lost his 1st year roommate to academic expulsion. Right now as he is heading back to school he is feeling a bit lonely too. And after college ends, most of us find new friends at work. If you are lucky, maybe you will hang onto a few of your friends from school for many years. Eventually, most of us marry or develop one significant relationship. And then many of our former friends will come 2nd.

And having a lot of stress on our minds and going over the past over and over definately doesn't help us.

Have hope, my young friend. Here's to hoping for better days, and to good times with good friends.

Maybe a little bit of social distraction would be a good thing for you right now.

Have a good time, and don't do anything that I wouldn't do.

Mark

Post #500

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#246640 - 08/26/08 04:19 PM Re: lonely [Re: king tut]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Quote:
i just want to cry with him, i want him to hold me like he used to do when i was little


Me too Lewis, me too.

_________________________
My Story

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#246691 - 08/26/08 11:06 PM Re: lonely [Re: Barkabus]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi, Lewis. Loneliness is hard, I think it's probably one of the most painful emotions we go through because we want to be connected to others, but feel we can't. Or we feel that they don't want to be connected to us. I hope you can talk to your dad some more about this and that you can connect in a way that brings you both closer together. It sounds like you already have a good relationship, but I hope it can be even better for you.

_________________________
Eddie

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#246723 - 08/27/08 07:27 AM Re: lonely [Re: king tut]
kutcher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
Wow, that really struck home.

I don't know quite what to say but I feel your lonliness and I feel alone as well.

Thank you for talking about it. I often find myself in a crowded room, work or at a family function surrounded by people, none of whom know, and I feel alone as if I am on an island.


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#246754 - 08/27/08 11:51 AM Re: lonely [Re: kutcher]
conflicted Offline


Registered: 08/02/08
Posts: 45
Loc: Greenville, SC
Lewis,

Being able to reach out beyond the loneliness is one of the hardest things that we have to do. I for years thought that I was totally alone in this abuse struggle... guys that are "real men" just do not talk about such things. But here at MS, WOW... to touch other guys and allow other guys to touch my life has been AMAZING. I will never be able to go back and reconnect with my Dad (diseased), but we can connect today with someone, like you have here.

I am becoming more and more aware that we are NOT ALONE in this battle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFfG9QUbEqM&feature=related

PM me anytime
Bill

_________________________
Masquerades are a lot of fun, until you see it is really your life.


my story...finally out *triggers*

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#246762 - 08/27/08 12:21 PM Re: lonely [Re: conflicted]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
((((((Lewis)))))
I feel you bro. Maybe with or without him you might be due for a good cry. Just put thinks on hold a while if possible and give yourself time to feel.


_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#246839 - 08/27/08 07:35 PM Re: lonely [Re: blueshift]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Lewis,

Sometimes it's really really difficult to ask for what we need. So here's a suggestion:

Show your post above to your Dad.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#247604 - 08/31/08 08:00 PM Re: lonely [Re: roadrunner]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
((Lewis))

Larry's right. I know you have trouble verbalizing these so showing your dad another letter, this post, is a good idea.

Your father did ask what he could do for you. Here it is. Ask him to hold you and cry with you. He wants to be there for you needs to know how. This will help both of you and bring the two of you closer. It is an incredible opportunity.

Peace and love my friend...

Michael


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#247668 - 09/01/08 03:23 AM Re: lonely [Re: M3]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, fellow survivors.
I know what we all feel at one time or another. I was always a loner, I was in an orphanage/home with about 60 boys and about 20 religious Brothers, and I was still alone. I joined the Air Force on my 17th birthday to get away, there were over 8 hundred thousand troops in it, and I was still alone. I became an alcoholic at 16 and had many drinking buddies during my drinking career, and I was still lonely. Gave up the booze, got married and sometimes 'till this day I still feel alone. We sure have paid a high price for others sexual pleasure. Heal well all.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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