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#247140 - 08/28/08 08:12 PM Re: What am I doing wrong? [Re: Born to Resist]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
BH,

You're not doing anything wrong and you're not a failure. He's not ready to deal with the csa and you can't make him, not by loving him and not by beating him over the head - I wish you could. I wish all of us could. Sadly, he doesn't seem ready to deal with anything having to do with your marriage either which is grossly unfair to you. I know you're sad, you've been sad for a long time. I hope your new T can help you bring some light into your life.

I'm thinking of you and hoping that the good things you're doing for yourself will help you through.

ROCK ON.......Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#247142 - 08/28/08 08:26 PM Re: What am I doing wrong? [Re: Trish4850]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Thanks everyone. I saw my T Tues. After some visiting she told me a book she wants me to get that should start to help. Unfortunately, I've been blind to a bigger problem that we have than the CSA. It's the problem of my H's Narcissism. It's like a huge wall that won't let us deal w/ anything. I've ordered the book "Why Is It Always About You?" and also an eBook that I started reading on line. The eBook is good b/c it offers hope - it's written by a wife of a N and she learned to deal with him and finally got him to respect her, she had to get stronger than he and make him 'give up his game.' It is a bit like reparenting the child. He has to be taught that his manipulation, rudeness, etc., will NOT be tolerated, but at the same time, be reassured that he won't be abandoned. It's a delicate balance, but she said it totally worked and now he's 'cured' and they're very close, finally.

Anyway, if anyone is interested in the eBook I welcome PMs and I will let you know how to get it or just email it to you.

Thank you again for all of your encouragement. I just realized, no wonder I've been waiting so long, we can't possibly deal with his CSA until his N will abate and he will let me in first. The N is a bigger problem, can you believe that?! No wonder nothing's been working. Dealing w/ his CSA will have to come later. The N is the lead wall encapsulating him.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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