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#246480 - 08/25/08 01:43 PM what's in a name?
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
i should start this by saying lately i am feeling like i'm ready to just psych out and fade into the twilight zone mentally and never return. with that prefix ...

one of the people i have to work with has the same first name as my first perp. it doesn't help she has the same type of "bubbly, happy" personality. my problem is i can barely keep my anger in check anytime she comes into my office, whether for business or because "she's bored and wants to chat".

there are twins somewhere in my past - people with the same first name as one of the twins drive me into instant fury as well. only one of the twins tho, which is wierd ... it would help if i could even remember "my two best friends in the whole world".

anyhoo - my question - does anyone else face this thing with names? or is it just me? i find a LARGE percentage of my time - if i feel myself freaking out or going into that place of "fight or flight" - it's a name thing.

maybe i really am going psych.

help?


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#246484 - 08/25/08 02:01 PM Re: what's in a name? [Re: MarkK]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Mark,

Fortunately I haven't come across someone else with the same name as my first perp. I know it would disturb me if I did. I hate that name. My second perp has a more common name, in fact one of my bests friends has the same name and somehow it hasn't bothered me. My perps were two very different people. I have much more negative energy built up for my first perp. I'm still working on the feelings I have regarding my second perp. I don't think I'm ready to explore that yet.

Mike

_________________________
My Story

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#246491 - 08/25/08 02:26 PM Re: what's in a name? [Re: Barkabus]
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I HAVE the same first name of the man who abused me the most. And per our culture, I have my second name is a 'patronym', which is basically a name honoring the father (who was also horribly abusive). I think that is part why I am here with a diminutive, or a 'nickname' for my own, and why most of the time I do not use my given name with most people. I know that it has nothing to do with reality or such, that a name is just a word and words aren't suppose to be able to hurt people (yeh, right, so why then the huge politically correct invasion?) But just so you know, you aren't alone, the name thing is a 'piss me off' issue as well.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#246492 - 08/25/08 02:26 PM Re: what's in a name? [Re: Barkabus]
Wyclef_Bakr Offline


Registered: 06/22/08
Posts: 51
Loc: Doorstep of Thugz Mansion.
I have had a few friends with the same name as my abuser. Nyjah has as well. I can't speak for him. It was very hard to say their name so I have made nick names for them, they don't mind.


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#246493 - 08/25/08 02:26 PM Re: what's in a name? [Re: Barkabus]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 862
Loc: washington
Fortunately my perp has a rather unique name. I guess your post serves as a warning for me on something to watch out for.

I can relate on the fact I was physically triggered by an aquaintenance that has strikingly similar facial features of my perp. I understand the fight or flight feeling/response.

In the end I could do neither, but just attend the a.a. meeting I was at. It ruined my day, (definately a steps back, recieving damage kinda thing).

I'll be watching this post with a student type mindset.

I can relate, but wish I had advise.

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#246525 - 08/25/08 07:06 PM Re: what's in a name? [Re: MarkK]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Mark,

My first perp was an older boy, a friend of the family. He was larger and stronger than me; physically imposing and very confident. I looked up to him, literally and figuratively. I'm a XL guy now but still when I see a large muscular, seemly confident, person I have to remember that all people that share some of his traits are not necessarily like him. But it still gives me pause.

I remember his name but I can't remember any of my friends names from that time period. They just seem to have disappeared from my memory.

Take good care of yourself my friend,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#246531 - 08/25/08 07:51 PM Re: what's in a name? [Re: Stephen_5]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1238
Loc: NY
Hell Fukin' Yes!!!

Their first name but even worse there last name.

But most triggering of all is the way that they talk and their persona, and sometimes just the way that they look!

I try to avoid them as much as possible. I don't think that I am helping you by saying this.

But, at least you are not alone on the issue.

Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#246532 - 08/25/08 07:51 PM Re: what's in a name? [Re: Stephen_5]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1238
Loc: NY
(Duplicate post)



Edited by ModTeam (08/26/08 10:41 PM)
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#246561 - 08/26/08 12:04 AM Re: what's in a name? [Re: Logan]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 425
Loc: Louisiana
my abuser was from India idk I dont feel any hatred towards the race but it may trigger not sure yet


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#246613 - 08/26/08 01:52 PM Re: what's in a name? [Re: sportinrucks]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
i guess what i'm seeing is ANYthing can be a trigger. and i do mean ANYTHING.

: sigh :

somehow that just seems to put me on "higher alert status"...

M


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