What's wrong with just talking about good stuff? Why do we have to keep going over and over the bad stuff? Where does it end?
When do you get to put it behind you and move on? What good does it do just telling each other you understand? Where's the solution in all this?
Good stuff is great to talk about, especially if it's a milestone in your recovery. You should talk about that kind of stuff and be proud of it..but keep your recovery about your recovery..don't put expectations on others to recover as fast as you or pressure them to recover faster. That only adds more feelings of shame to what is most likely already a surplus.
As I was being raped as a kid, I was told "Shut up! Quit being a crybaby! It's not that bad!"
It's easy to hear variations of that in people who don't understand why we keep trudging around in this mess. I have a lot of shame about not just being raped but about being affected by it long term. It's a sore spot for me and probably is for a lot of other people too.
The reason we keep going over bad stuff is because that is where our solutions are. If you blow a fuse you don't go to the most pleasant place in the house to fix it, you go to fusebox where the problem is and in this case the fuse box is in a lake of shit, but we aren't here because we like the smell. We're here because this is what has been given to us to do to .
We aren't going to find all the solutions in the crappy unpleasant stuff, but a lot of the answers are
there and the answers are understandings of how we became the way we are because of what happened to us.
If you like the way you are just fine, then no need, but some, like me, have uncontrollable symptoms that have to be dismantled somehow and as far as I know I won't be able to do it by just putting a happy face on it.
But talking to people here helps because they care where no one ever cared before. I'm not going to try to convey what a positive thing that is, but it's healing and it's what I call positive...though everything is negative or positive depending on which end of it you grab.
I don't know what the answers are, but I've tried to get better faster and it isn't happening. All I do know is that I am getting better and that's good enough for me.
If someone else isn't getting better, there is nothing I can do and getting myself frustrated over someone else's recovery does nothing to help mine.
That's my gagillion word 2 cents.