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#244973 - 08/16/08 11:37 AM I Am Pre-Abuse Gay ***** TRIGGERS *****
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
I think there's so much hatred on this site because far too many members and the so-called professionals believe that a survivor who is gay is a result of his past experience with being abused. This is actually a no-win situation.

If I was abused by a man, the reason I am gay is because my first sexual experiences was with the male gender, most would claim.

If I was molested by a woman, most would claim that I have some sort of retribution or hatred for women, therefor I am more or solely attracted to men.

The first time I sucked cock, I was about 6 years-old. Its true. The cock belonged to my best friend and I loved every minute of it. Now all of this took place prior to any sort of molestation. Now doesn't that make me born gay? (Or maybe some are thinking I was probably molested earlier than 6 years-old, and I just can't remember it, therefor it is conditioned unconsciously in my brain.) Hmmm...

Does it matter at all, that well into my 30s, boobs scare me and pussy freaks me out, but I have a very loving relationship with cock? And why is that so hard for people to understand, and why do you judge me simply because I'd rather suck cock than eat pussy? In the end, it's got nothing to do with boobs, or cock, or pussy... it's just love.

Maybe those who cannot tolerate my candor have never felt love or have loved, and the only way they feel pleasure for themselves is attemtping to break down how I feel and what and whom I love?

Shake and stir that!

Rich

(edited to add trigger warning)



Edited by ModTeam (08/16/08 02:52 PM)
_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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#245005 - 08/16/08 12:56 PM Re: I Am Pre-Abuse Gay [Re: Stretch73]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
I was abused by a male and I love pussy. \:\)

Oh my goodness, maybe my abuse caused me to become heterosexual!

I've never been scared by boobs except for one time on a nude beach in Greece I saw what happens to hundred year old women boobs and that scared me...I think I remember drinking way too much Ouzo that night. <wink>



Edited by hogan_dawg (08/16/08 01:15 PM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#245028 - 08/16/08 02:22 PM Re: I Am Pre-Abuse Gay [Re: hogan_dawg]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Rich,

You're gay. You were born gay. This is part of your identity. You're okay just as you are. You always were, even if others reacted against you for that. It was their issue, never yours. Abuse has nothing to do with it.

All that is fine. What's the problem? Who is denying that? Why do you need to get provocative about it? Have you seen the discussion of the leading myths about the CSA of boys on this site? The position of MS is that the idea that CSA "causes" a boy to become gay is nothing but a myth. And that isn't just our random opinion; it's the result of much research over the past years.

That is, there are no professionals here who adhere to the view that abuse causes a boy to become gay. There may be some users who think that, and if they do I can't say I'm surprised. There is still so much public awareness work that needs to be done where both CSA of boys and gay identity are concerned.

But where do you see that as a problem on this site? And if you have been treated in a hateful way anywhere on the site I hope you will let me know so that problem can be addressed. Hate-mongering is absolutely forbidden here, as other moderators and I have said many times.

So in sum, my friend, it looks to me like you're charging an open door. What you like to do sexually is up to you. If you think oral sex is the same thing as love, that's up to you too. I think any expert would say that engaging in oral sex at the age of 6 (with either another boy or with a girl) would very likely be harmful and at least very confusing to the boy, but if that wasn't so in your case, great - I'm glad you weren't badly affected. Scientific research tells therapists what to expect, not what they absolutely will find in every single case.

In a moment I will move this thread to the Sexual Identity forum, where it really seems to belong, and I will also add a trigger warning in light of your graphic references to sexual acts.

I hope the discussion helps you in your recovery.

Larry, aka roadrunner
ModTeam Coordinator

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#245319 - 08/18/08 01:48 AM Re: I Am Pre-Abuse Gay [Re: roadrunner]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Rich,

I don't see where your coming from when you state that there is so much hatred on this site.
I have not seen on any post where someone claims that being gay is the direct result of being abused by a man.
To me sexual orientation is not that important.
What is important is to help each other in our journey of recovery from our childhood abuse.
I see each and every indivilual on this site as my brother in recovery.

your brother
mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#245331 - 08/18/08 07:00 AM Re: I Am Pre-Abuse Gay [Re: michael banks]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
mike, i am sure you can find more, but here is a recent one. and it's not just in the threads themselves, but some people have been confronted in the chat rooms as well. also, certain topics on religious beliefs have implicated gays as evil and sinful, er excuse me, our 'behavior' has been implicated us as evil and sinful, and seem to carry the 'love the sinner hate the sin' tone. we have to deal with that mentality everywhere we go outside of gay circles. anyway, some of the issues around these topics seem to have been somewhat neutralized for the time being, until another new wave of xenphobia appears at least and is given reign.

maybe a lot it is paranoia, but i sincerely doubt it.

i can't speak for rich, but those are a couple of things that come to mind from your inquiry.

your brother in recovery,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#246144 - 08/21/08 11:51 PM Re: I Am Pre-Abuse Gay [Re: Sans Logos]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Rich,hatred, to me that is to strong of a word. What I see happening on this site is males and females from many different view points coming together, against common foes. We have racial and religious conditioning that we have to work through. We also have our own personal problems that we are working on. All of this creates friction, it is a wonder that this site works as well as it does.

About you sucking cock at 6 years old, I agree with Larry that does not sound normal.

Take me for example, when I was 6, I knew girls were different but not how, and I was not too curious about it. One day my new friend, a girl dared me. She said I'll kiss your thing if you will kiss mine. Now to me a kiss meant a peck on the check. Being that I was a guy I couldn't let a girl out dare me. But I had no desirous to kiss her thing, just wanted to prove I wasn't afraid to kiss it. She said you go first, she lifted up her dress and bared it. I bent down and gave it a quick peck, and the unzipped my fly and said ok now its your turn. She said she was not going to kiss it, as I had not kissed her in the right way. Well I said, I had won the dare then. We both went home. (Background to this story, at that time my dad owned about six vacation cabins, we were staying in one , and renting the others out, the girl's family was one of the renters.) The next day I did not see my new friend, I finally asked my mother. She said that the dad had had to cancel the rest of their vacation due to a emergency. Looking back on it, I am very sure she was being sexually abused.
At 6 years I did not know how to kiss it right, but she knew I was not doing it right.

I am a straight guy so I may have this wrong. But I would think that a normal gay boy's first sexual instants would be to touch different parts of the other boy's body first. I would think that before you could get interested in touching, playing with or sucking his pee-pee, you would first have to discover how good it made you feel for someone to touch, play with, or suck your own pee-pee. Remember to a 6 year old boy, his pee-pee is for squirting yellow liquid into a toilet bowl,and for winning the who can pee the farthest distance contest.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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